As a Dating Expert who has both lived in a few different metro regions as well as worked with singles in a number of different cities both within the United States as well as around the world, one of the considerations a number of singles have is they want to meet, date, and mate with another single in their local area.
Yes, you will see on some of the online dating niche sites, like those which are faith based for Muslims, Christian or Jewish Singles, is that the single will often make some statement like, “Distance is no object.” They think the are open to loving and partnering up with another single from anywhere in the country.
And in a manner, they are open like that. They are open to love coming to them from just about anywhere.
And then reality kicks in.
In order to really fall in love, to attract your Soul Mate and build a relationship, you actually need to open up and share each others lives together. Courtship which leads to marriage requires that you share your lives and actually BE with each other in Mate Selection and Pair Bonding. So much of the dating style of the “Single – Never Married” folks is to either “hang” on the sofa and watch movies, while fun, eventually becomes boring, or to go do the consumer single dating style of going “out” all the time.
Neither of these models is actually what we DO in the normal LIFE of a married couple/life partner relationship. When I coach singles who are divorced or widowed and we get to that part of my coaching system, they say, “OMG, April, you are brilliant! This is so true!” (I heard this today from one widowed lady.) And they can see how I approach relationship attraction and building from reality and not from some pipe dream which will never happen.
I want you to find love and build and nourish a wonderful life-long love relationship. I want that for you. That means with a real live human being person with whom you get to be and share life, not webcam dates for months, thinking you’re “dating.” That’s what some think on TV and in some of the advice questions I get from AllExperts.com.
That is not dating. That is getting mildly acquainted with still a complete stranger. Until you two have met in person, and I still prefer that it’s the gentleman who flies to the lady, you have not launched your courtship til you can physically shake hands or at least give a half hug to that nice stranger you “met” online.
All online dating is is An Introduction. That’s it.
It’s not a relationship until you’re live.
Real relationships are between human beings. There are some crass metaphors for describing this which I will refrain from using to illustrate my point.
When you are looking to attract love and build a life partner relationship, generally speaking, to do so you need to be in person. In order to experience that, this means you want to date another single who is local to you or at least in your metro area region. That can still mean that they live a few hours away from you. However, unless you travel to certain metro areas repeatedly for business, you want to keep your targets on another single who lives within a few hours of you, and not thousands miles away, which would be just fooling yourself.
Then you actually have a chance of attracting, meeting, and mating with your Soul Mate and developing the kind of lifelong love relationship which you are craving.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Keri Eagan says
November 7, 2009 at 1:39 AMUnless arranged marriage is common in your culture that all makes perfect sense. Experiencing the everyday really should be a priority if you are planning for the long term.
Keri Eagan
Lynn Lane says
November 7, 2009 at 12:58 PMApril,
I think you’re right about being open and being human in every moment of that relationship.
Lynn Lane->
The Warrior Of Success
Don Shepherd says
November 8, 2009 at 7:10 AMApril
You really hit on a subject that is close to home for me. Long distance romance has no appeal for me, but it seems i always meet someone i’m interested in when i’m on vacation in Central Oregon. On the other hand i intend to move west in a few years, so finding someone interested in a long distance move is a challenge on the local scene.
Don Shepherd
Hezron says
November 8, 2009 at 10:33 AMI like this post, Ms. Braswell
I am a “single never married” male. I find the traditional way of dating is simply boring. I can’t stand coffee dates (I don’t learn anything out of it) and endless dinner dates to me, is unrealistic. It is rare for me to eat out constantly.
In my opinion, I think todays dating style is fairy tale…..I don’t think everyday women are out there…they’re married or taken in some way.
Martin O'Connor says
November 8, 2009 at 10:00 AMI was in this situation one time. I lived in Delray Beach, Florida, and had a relationship started with a woman. Circumstances changed for me and I moved to Fargo, North Dakota. That was the end. We talked on the phone but the relationship slowly faded.
One advantage to it for me is that I don’t have to spend much time or money on this type of relationship any more. She spoiled it for me. There is no comparison. There’s no equal. There’s no replacement. So it worked out.
Martin O’Connor
April Braswell says
November 9, 2009 at 2:18 PMHi Don,
thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting.
Indeed, those sort of “realities of life” which singles over 35 often have can make that time period a challenge for Soul Mate attraction dating. You will probably magnetize massively once you have moved there. However, in the meantime, you can practice your dating and relationship communication skill set of talking and discussing wants and don’t wants. Then when you are ready, your relationship skill set will be ready along with you. Make sense?
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April
Martin says
November 10, 2009 at 3:55 AMMost of us have not had enough practice at long distance relationships – it’s a forgotten art. We say it’s too difficult, often without REALLY trying. Maybe we’re really saying he/she is not worth it!
Assuming the first face to face meeting(s)/date(s) went well, and you’re not just after s*x, then IT IS POSSIBLE for a long distance relationship to flourish. After meeting on a coach journey in Australia, my Mum, in the UK, corresponded for more than 6 months with my stepdad-to-be, in Australia, before visits were arranged etc, then another 6 months long distance etc. Through letters and phone, the relationship blossomed – and is still going strong (both now living together in the UK).
John Ho says
November 10, 2009 at 6:00 AMApril,
Great advice!
Locality is curcial for a REAL life lonh term relationship.
“Out of sight, out o mind” is so true for would-be long term relationships.
John Ho
Darryl Pace says
November 13, 2009 at 5:47 PMYeah, long distance relationships are tough. However, they are possible. After living in the same city for a while, my wife (then girlfriend) moved to a different city. We dated long distance for a couple of years before we got married. So, it can work, but it’s hard. Perhaps our relationship succeeded because we had already built a foundation.
Health, Fitness for Working People — Darryl Pace
Lisa McLellan says
November 14, 2009 at 10:38 PMSound advice. While I do believe you can fall in love with someone over the internet, you miss out on the intimacy. And sometimes when you finally meet in person, the whole thing falls apart. Wise advice to date within your metro area.
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services – Babysitter in your area
Drivers Master says
June 11, 2011 at 4:26 AMVery nice post, I surely love this site, keep it up.