To expand further on my idea and metaphor of TAKE A DETOUR:
TAKE A DETOUR AND FOLLOW THESE SIGNS:
Take a slightly different route to/from Church today. (OK, so it’s already afternoon where you are, so you can do this NEXT Sunday or even when you go to a mid-week evening service, or to drop your teens off at the Youth Fellowship)
Eat breakfast at a Denny’s and sit at the counter. Denny’s is one of the few places I know that still has a COUNTER. Around here in Silicon Valley we have this WONDERFUL breakfast place named Nini’s. Nini’s still has counter service. It is a secret I will tell you more about as another April Braswell Unique Easy Dating Tip. In another post later. Today at Denny’s or whatever equivalent where you live, say “Hello” to the people to your left and to your right as you sip your coffee and half read the Sunday Paper. You may need the social excuse to break the sound barrier of being able to say, “Would you please pass me the half-and-half?” Or the Tabasco sauce bottle. Or the salt and pepper. They are your props. Use whatever you can just to break that sound barrier. You are practicing your social skills and positioning yourself for other singletons to see you. You never know who you are going to meet or what new tidbit of information they will provide to you. “Hey, you know, I’m single too. Where do you like to go to meet single people your age?” Or “What do you do to meet other single people your age?” “Really? Wow, I’ll have to remember that. It sounds great. Thank you. I like to go to XYX” or “I like to do XYZ.” Again, thank them, and then turn back to your coffee or paper. You are not trying to impose yourself too long beyond 3-5 sentences unless they are responsive in conversation with you. If they utter 1 or 2 sentences, then they are just being polite. If they utter 3-5 sentences, they might be interested in a conversation with you.
Single dads ask me how to set an example for their adult kids. Well, you can even do this with your kids with you. Help them out and set the exampe for them. When you have adult sons, model if for them. Every waitress will be delighted to chit chat with them. Demonstrate and model your confident male conversation behavior with your waitress by simply engaging her in a little polite conversation. Find SOMETHING to compliment her about. That ALONE is already a great male dating behavior, a Dating Best Practice.
Compliment the ladies.
The best compliments to women you are dating is on how they look, smell, sound, and are dressed. When I say how they SMELL, I mean, compliment her perfume or in the absence of perfume her freshly showered smell. “You sure look beautiful in that dress.” “You’re so beautiful.” “You’re so pretty.”
Ok, but back to the waitress. This is for small talk and you’re maybe not trying to date her. Just demonstrate and model SMALL TALK WITH WOMEN for your boys and get some practice in for yourself, too.
In which case, admire her waitressing. Read her name tag is you can, and address her by her name.
“Jill, I was just telling my twin boys here how much I admired the great service you’re giving us, filling our coffee and water all the time like you do. How long have you been working here? Have you been waitressing long?”
She will say something like, “Twins! Wow. Oh, I’m a student at the local community college, and I’ve only just started working here.”
That was about 2-3 sentences. She’s got other tables to serve, just you’re being gracious and convivial here. They’re well-practiced at this in The South ( For my EU and UK readers, that’s just another region within The States where they are very gracious, slower-paced and just about always have the time to connect with other people. I know you both have crosssed The Pond a number of times. Just to give you context.). So, say maybe 1-2 more sentences to her, and let her get back to work.
“Wow, Jill, you’ve only just started. That’s very impressive. Well, you’re doing a great job. Keep up the good work.”
If she seems to have a minute or two more to talk, you could always add.
“You’re studying at the community college? That’s great. What are you studying? My twin boys just back from serving our country in Iraq and are considering going back to college.”
She might then tell you what she is studying.
Or if she is say, over 30 as a waitress, she might then turn to your boys, admire them, and ask THEM what they are considering studying.
This is all just to demonstrate to you some of the possible ways to practice your gracious communication skills and model it and your POISE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX to your boys. Avoid putting them on the spot if you think they will socially panic like deer caught in the headlights, “Dad! Don’t make me talk to GIRLS. I don’t know HOW.” Well, they won’t SAY that. Their faces will. You know them best.
OK. That’s enough for today. Congratulate yourself on the practice you got in.
Great job!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Sonya Lenzo says
January 1, 2012 at 5:19 AMMany good ideas in this post! But I would like to comment on the idea of giving compliments. A true compliment builds rapport and creates a bond.Most people are under appreciated and will blossom when you give them a bit of real admiration.
Sonya Lenzo