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Dating Coach Women After 40 | Courtship and Relationship Advice

Christian Singles Dating Tip – Does Church Size Matter? Small Churches Advantage

Christian Singles Dating Tip – Does Church Size Matter? Small Churches Advantage

I know some people are going to giggle over my using posing the “does size matter” question in conjunction with Christian and Catholic singles and churches.  Go ahead and giggle.  It’s ok.  But this really is a question I receive as a professional dating coach from Christian singles looking to get married and fulfill God’s plan for their lives and finding a soul mate / help mate.  They ask me, “April, does it matter if I go to a large mega-church or is it better to go to a small congregation?”


First of all, of course, other considerations are important when you’re selecting a church to join.  However, what I’m addressing here is about when you’re looking yes to become a church member and also when you’re looking around for a church to additionally visit or get involved in their Christian Singles Ministry.  You don’t have all the same criteria to consider in selecting a church’s Singles Ministry to visit.


Christian Dating Tips Advantages of a Small Church:

Marcus is significantly involved in Youth Ministry.  While is not himself a Youth Pastor, he works very closely with Christian young people and considers a congregation’s dedication to their youth as a key criteria for what church he himself belongs to.  Think of Whitney Houston’s song lyrics, “Children are our future….”


Well, he was a member of a very active mega-church.  But he felt that their particular ministry was neglecting their youth.  After being a member there for quite sometime, he felt disaffected by that church and started to look around to actually change churches.  Not just visit.


Once he did make the move to a small local church closer to where he lived and where he admired their devotion to their youth even if the program was small in size, he became active in Bible Study there.  Well, wouldn’t you know it?  That’s where he met Christine…  his future wife!


Caveat: Of course, not every single member of that church met their future spouse in the congregation.  Which is why I present the advantages of a small church here for Christian Singles.  However, don’t let that be your only and exclusive action tactic to your seeking God’s mate for you.  There can be certainly can be some advantages to meeting other Christian Singles in a small church.  You really do get to know them and see what their walk of faith is like.  You see them every week and can see how the act and behave with all of the other church members.  When you attend a small church, you simply see everything that way each week.  How do they treat the seniors in the church?  How to do they treat some of the more socially awkward members?  Do they reflect a sweet and kind spirit?  We all have our bad days and can get cranky.  We’re all imperfect.  In general, do you see them being kind and compassionate with others, especially with people who can’t directly benefit them?


Happy Dating and Relationships,


April Braswell


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[names are always changed to protect people’s personal privacy]

About the author: April Braswell is an internationally recognized Dating and Relationship Expert. She coaches single men and women to attract and find the best life partner for them. April brings cutting edge behavioral research to singles to empower them for finding quality mates. Connect with April at Google+: plus.google.com/+AprilBraswell/

14 comments… add one

  • Rachel Robinson

    April, this is something I have often thought about myself. As someone who grew up in a large (though not MEGA) church I have always been drawn to that size. You make excellent points about the value of attending a smaller church…I may have to try it to see which feels like a better fit!
    Rachel Robinson

  • I think Church size matters if you’re looking to deepen your religious experience, as small churches are more personal and dedicated to the individual. As for dating I don’t think it matters. Larger congregations probably have more people of the opposite sex looking, which can be an advantage.

    Steve C

  • I agree that in a smaller setting, you have the opportunity to get to know others more intimately than in a larger one. And if the right person is there, you are more likely to meet them in the first place!

  • April, I just baked Easter cookies and decorated them and passed them out to everyone in the office, maintenance, and friends in the building…hoping this will give me “mingling” points for Easter????? in your eyes????
    Kevin, a woman who wrote a book on older dating (from 50′s to 90′s) found that the number one place that singles met in that age group was a “shared experience place”…a club, a church, a volunteer activity.
    For myself, the size of the church itself has not been as important as the number of people my own age…both male and female…for fellowship.
    Sonya Lenzo

  • Hola April,

    I like to follow your Dating and Relationships tips blog not only for the information you give about singles but also because I can learn a lot about the differences between our two countries and how people are organized and interact with themselves. It is very fascinating!

    Eva Palmer

  • So you’re saying that, in fact, size does not matter and smaller might even be more amiable? What about the notion that you can toss out a wider net where there are more fish? Also, what would you define as a small congregation, large and mega church?

  • Peggy Larson

    In my experience it’s not been the size of the church as much a the openness of the congregation towards newcomers. Sometimes a small church may be “set in their ways” so to speak and while always polite to newcomers not exactly welcoming while a larger church may have many more programs to get involved in and are grateful for volunteers or participants.

    One is more likely to be able to get to know others more intimately in the smaller church more quickly.

    Peggy Larson

  • Hey April,

    I’ve usually been less concerned with the size of the church and more interested in how warm and open the congregation is. I’ve always been a firm believer that if you’re looking for a home church it should feel like home, (without all of the crazy relatives). Great advice on not tying yourself down to one church for all of your social needs, people like to meet others from different churches for community activities as well.
    Dewayne Chriswell

  • You illustrate the advantages of a smaller church quite well.


  • Miss Braswell,
    I keep saying it because it’s true…you are good at what you do because you pay attention to detail and also are so in tune to people’s needs. Addressing faith, where you practice your faith, and your relationship goals is on the mark.

    jen b

  • Trisha Chambers

    I think that ‘size matter’s’ when looking for a mate when you’re single. You have more options….That being said, having a smaller church with less people, you do get to know each other better and it seems that there is always some nice older person who wants to introduce you to someone……’You’re a nice girl, I have a nephew that I think you’d just love! I should introduce you two…..’

  • Perhaps people are more likely to feel other people’s caring in a smaller church because they might get to know people better. A larger congregation might be just as caring but it might be not so obvious. It’s all what you make of it, I suppose.

    Be cool, be ecofriendly

  • Big fish small pond, small fish big pond – size matters, it just depends on what size one prefers!

  • I would have to say that I like the idea of a small church and a small congregation. To me it just feels more intimate and it is easier to get to know people and relate to them.

    Yours In Health!

    G.E. Moon II

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