Today is Election Day here in the States. Remember to get out and vote at your polling place.
While we don’t allow any electioneering right outside of the polling place, I’ll put in a little push here that you cast your vote for Love.
Choose love.
All too often singles worry that “All the good guys are already taken.”
“There aren’t any quality women left.”
“Modern women only want a hook up.”
Or that “I’ll never find love again.”
Or lastly, “I just don’t know how to choose healthy mates.”
So part of their heart closes shut, shutting the door on finding the love they’re yearning for.
When you make those mental decisions based on having been hurt in some way in the past and you want to protect your heart better next time out of the gate, you often inadvertently close out love. Love is an energy. There is always a flow to you.
So when you have a whole litany of what your life mate can’t be or have, absolutely must not, and they are more than “not an axe murderer” or “heroin addict” then you’re using a LIST of attributes to protect you and not relationship skills.
Let me show you a few examples.
Women well over 40 who likely cannot have children physically.
Sometimes your single girlfriends had some negative neglectful experiences dating some divorced dads with shared custody of their kids. They’re feeling neglected and bitter, and don’t know how to ask for different treatment from their men. Sure, those weekends when they had their kids, early on in the dating relationship meant those weekends he didn’t see you.
Does that mean all divorced dads with kids should be nixed from your list of potential contenders for your heart? Of course not.
What’s a Smart Girl to Do?
However, early on, do continue to date multiple men and continue to get out there as an alluring, attractive and available woman looking to meet new men as well until you two are exclusive and monogamous and considering marriage. He wins that from you. You don’t automatically grant it the first time he knocks for entry to your bedroom door.
After a few weeks of dating, 3, 4, 5, 6 wks, start asking, not demanding, so you don’t emasculate him and leave his dignity and self-respect intact, for time together with him on the weekends he has his kids. If they are teens over the age of 12, they are old enough to have an evening home alone without his being there. Letting them see how adults behave, groom, and date can be an excellent modeling moment to show them how it’s done well. The parent can even talk to his kids about dating the afternoon before the date and be home early enough that everyone still gets a good night sleep.
Be open to love and act in genuinely caring and loving ways with other people and you’ll magnetize love to you. Be kind to strangers at your church or temple. Help the elderly and small children there. When you see small children at the food court at the mall starting to stroll away from their parents, gently turn them back and point them to their parents and smile. Be open to love so love may come to you. You’ll be delighted to discover one day you already found it.
Until next time, post your questions in the COMMENTS section below and join my ezine list there in the subscription form in the column to the right.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Internet Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
April Braswell is an expert columnist at DatingAdvice.com and speaks to singles in Singles Groups and Divorce Support Groups as well as at Singles Dating Workshops and Singles Conferences. Looking to Hire April to speak at your Singles Event?
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