What Criteria Really Works Best for Singles to Use to Find a Life-Long Love Relationship?
Perhaps you’ve heard the adage, “Opposites attract” when it comes to explaining what works for singles to find love and for relationship to work for couples. And we’ve all seen some examples, which, to be blunt, we just couldn’t see what the two of them saw in each other. But for them, the romantic relationship worked. Is it really true and the best dating and relationship advice wisdom for singles to seek their best life partner in someone who is their polar opposite? Is that true and accurate, and does that mate-seeking method work best?
Another adage that I have seen a lot of is, funnily enough, the opposite, “Likes attract,” or another way it is often put, “Like attracts like,” or “Birds of a Feather Flock Together.” That is true on the level of our spiritual self, our essence. And it is also true in terms of our hobbies, while usually not absolutely 100% all of our hobbies.
On the level of personal temperaments, “Complementary attracts.” Complementary temperaments often find each other most attractive. They might not initially find someone of a complimentary temperament the most rivetingly attractive. However, complementary temperaments will often a little more slowly gravitate to each other.
In that initial social interaction, a number of the extroverts might gravitate together and enjoy an engaging discussion. In my Direct Sales days, sales people, not all of whom are extroverts, would often form small groups to talk shop at trade shows and networking or social events. When you are talking shop, often that “Like Attracts” Law comes logically into play because you want to discuss “sameness” topic with others with a similar background.
However, when it comes to romantic relationships and eventually sharing each other’s lives together, whether as life partners or a married couple, the “Complementary attracts” Law is important. An extrovert needs an introvert to balance her loquaciousness. And her complementary introvert may seem taciturn initially, once he warms up in her conversation, is like a talking diesel engine. He just needed to warmed up though, first.
Additionally, some of a couple’s interests in the home, it helps when there is a little complementariness as well. Perhaps he loves to cook, and she is just really good about cleaning up at the end of the day and returning the kitchen to order. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. In fact, he did these chores quite well for years as a bachelor and still manages quite well when she travels on her business trips for days. It’s just that that’s how the two of them in their complementary personal characteristics just sort of worked things out in their home.
When you are a single person looking for love, yes, enjoy the banter at the chic new bar in town with the other extroverts. However, do remember to keep in mind and be on the look out for a single mate who complements your temperament and lifestyle. Later you can shower compliments upon each other.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Martin O'Connor says
October 20, 2009 at 4:27 AMAs I was reading this I was thinking of how applicable this is to our daily lives with everyone we meet.
Great post.
Martin O’Connor
David Power says
October 20, 2009 at 4:00 PMAnd I was always told by my mum that it was opposites that attract…your posts are just brilliant…thanks for being there April
Keri Eagan says
October 20, 2009 at 4:21 PMI’m naturally introverted which, although I think I would prefer not to be, I know I get on really well with yappers who can talk your ear off. Me, I just listen and enjoy and they get to express themselves more fully. Complimentary is the way to go!
Keri Eagan
April Braswell says
October 20, 2009 at 5:44 PMHi Keri, thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. Yup, we yapperz are great. And we do eventually shut up, having gotten it all out. Dr. John Grey used to describe the married relationship that way and how the drive for a weekend Bed and Breakfast trip was helpful that way. Once close our mouths, then YOU can talk! 🙂
April
Lisa says
October 20, 2009 at 7:27 PMA really nice point to make. In my experiences, I get along best with those who engage in similar social activities as me, butwithin other areas- like dealing with daily stresses – we are differently. Then we are able to have fun together, but be twice as productive when solving what problems we may have.
MissMentor
Pam Schulz says
October 20, 2009 at 7:58 PMI’ve found that those couples who get together in their 20’s generally operate on the “opposites attract” track. Those who get together after 30 generally fall into the “complementary attracts” category. It seems that those who get together later in life may have less tolerance for dealing with differences – they’re more settled in their ways – they done things a certain way for a longer period of time and are less apt to want to change.
Pam
Martin O'Connor says
October 21, 2009 at 4:19 AMI thing that the complimentary dynamic works better than the opposite conflict.
Martin O’Connor
Martin says
October 21, 2009 at 10:32 AMTo me (and the dictionary!) complement means “something that completes or brings to perfection” (remember Jerry Maguire?). This means that sameness or difference or a mixture of the two could be complementary.
I think we need to get the two old wives (“Like attracts like” and “Opposites attract”)together in the same room to iron out the wrinkles in their tales!
Personally I think that it’s essential that a couple can have fun together, and it’s also important to do different things. That way you can bring new experiences into the relationship, and “grow” as a couple.
JJ Jalopy says
October 21, 2009 at 2:57 PMThis is a great post April.
Really well put. I can see how Kalpna and I are complimentary in many ways even though we can be very different.
Robert Martin says
October 21, 2009 at 3:10 PMI think of relationships like a jig saw puzzle piece. Some of my strengths fill your weaknesses, and vice versa, along with some pieces being straight (alike) in other areas.
Robert Martin
Martin O'Connor says
October 22, 2009 at 4:07 AMYahoo must be following your blog. Yesterday it had a piece on this very topic. The conclusion of the story is the opposites might be fun for a date or some other social interaction but not for a long term relationship. For the long haul look for someone like you or at most complementary. Opposites don’t make more good chemistry was the conclusion.
Martin O’Connor
Lynn Lane says
October 22, 2009 at 5:09 AMApril,
Your post is perfect. We do mesh with the people we are most like.
I’ve known my wife since we were 12 years old, we mesh very well!
Lynn Lane–>The Warrior Of Success
John Ho says
October 22, 2009 at 5:09 AMLike attracts like.
But thn “opposites” also attract each other they complement between themselves to make a perfect match! Think abut the differnet teeth in a wheels that makes up a complete pattern.
Compatibility does not necessarily mean sameness. Sameness definitely differs from equality.
John Ho
Steve Chambers says
October 22, 2009 at 7:52 PMCher said it best…
“The trouble with some people is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry them.”
Steve Chambers, Body Language Speaker
Rob Northrup says
October 23, 2009 at 9:50 AMMy two cents…
for a long-term relationship to work, the values need to match. the most important decisions that are made in most marriages involve how to raise children, and how the duties will be shared.
after that, financial goals and discipline are the most important areas for people to be simpatico.
everything else can be more or less opposite…
Seize the Day,
Rob
Katie says
October 25, 2009 at 12:28 AMcomplements for compliments!
Like temperaments is more productive to be sure. I am an introvert and like my home to be peaceful. I dated an extrovert – we did swimmingly socially, but being at his house was never comfortable for me. Random people would drop by unannounced. Not my bag.
Katie
Kate McKeon says
October 25, 2009 at 10:46 PMHmm, so what does one do when she’s a house-bound workaholic?
House-bound workaholic seeks same, under 35, with cute bunz, but with his own plane and perhaps a better house, better yet, houses….
Kate
Lisa McLellan says
October 26, 2009 at 1:15 PMComplimentary personalities attract, yes, but watch out for the ones that are pretending! A certain someone made a deal with me once that whoever cooks doesn’t have to clean up, the other will. I agreed – good deal! However, it never quite worked out that way. He cooks – I clean up, I cook – I clean up. Hmmmmm somethings wrong here.
Lisa McLellan
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Darryl Pace says
October 27, 2009 at 2:33 PMGreat post, April (and thank you for mentioning mine)! Two people of like values that also compliment each other can make a wonderful pair!
Health, Fitness for Working People — Darryl Pace