All the Etiquette books out there, I think of wonderful experts like Emily Post and Miss Manners, provide tips, guidelines, and suggestions about how to engage with people socially. When you’re single and dating, remember to use good manners and not your schleppiest manners possible to attract lasting love with other singles.
One topic for etiquette for Internet Dating is: Phone Etiquette for Online Dating
What are the Netiquette phone rules and guidelines to use when you are contacting someone you have just “met” via an online dating site?
When your prospective date gives you their phone number, are there some common courtesy and social etiquette guidelines which singles should keep in mind?
And what about texting? Maybe you don’t phone after a certain hour of night, however, it’s just a text message, right?
I have observed that this is something which in particular the Millenials my not yet even know about. And some of the GenY and GenX folks are ok about, but generally weak. I never hear complaints or comments about this from the Baby Boomers, so it seems the Boomer Generation got inculcated on Phone Etiquette guidelines, certainly in relation to work and their career. So they are already strong in this.
Online Dating Etiquette Tip #1: How Late Is Too Late to Phone a New Contact You Met Online?
Perfectly Safe Phoning and Text Etiquette Dating Rule:
As a general guideline, don’t phone someone you do not know very well after 9 pm. That is the super safe, gracious, well-mannered guideline.
However, we are all so very busy these days.
Perhaps you wanted to phone your new contact you met online at the end of your day when you are relaxed, not frazzled and about to do 5 other chores and tasks, after the dishes are washed and put away, and the pots and pans are scrubbed and clean.
Generally Safe Phoning and Text Etiquette Dating Rule:
And oh my, where did the evening go? It’s 9:30 pm! Couldn’t I just phone them now? Yes, you can. 9:30 pm really is fine as well. While the “proper” guideline is 9 pm, by which you cannot go wrong. However, with someone of the current age, phoning up until about 9:50 is pretty much fine. Think in terms of being off the phone before 10 pm. So to initiate a phone call at 9:45 pm or 9:50 pm is still good.
Just know that if you phone after 9:30 pm, you might risk disturbing someone’s sleep who is an early riser. You run that risk with phone a little later at night.
Warning Cautionary Safe Phoning and Text Etiquette Dating Rule:
If you phone after 10 pm, you border on being rude. After 10:30 pm is rude with a new person/stranger. Unless they told you in an email, “It’s ok to phone as late at 11 pm….” Otherwise, just refrain from calling that late until you have met, are better acquainted and know each other a bit.
Some of the Millenials and GenX folks who grew up with MySpace and have been Facebook friends with thousands since middle school, have been inculcated to have a very casual approach to their social life. This is both kinda great and kinda a problem. It’s great not to be restricted by too many formalities and to create connection and relationships with others in your peer group and beyond all around the world. I mean, that’s cool, right?
However, sometimes when we are being very casual in our conversations with someone who is, yes, still, even though you “feel” you know them from the Social Networking and Online Dating site, a stranger. Asking very personal questions of a stranger when you first talk on the phone or first meet in person for a First Date, is rude. It also reflects poorly on you that you have a weakness in conversational skills.
Online Dating Etiquette Tip #2: How Late Is Too Late for Texting a New Contact You Met Online?
Much like the guidelines for phoning, so follows the guideline for sending text messages. However, the text message, you might be feeling, really isn’t the same as a phone call. You’re right. A text message you can ignore more readily than someone phoning you.
However, something which not everyone thinks of is, many people use their cell phone (“mobile” if you’re in the UK or the EU) as their alarm clock. So, it is right by their head on the bedside table. And here you are thinking of something quick you just wanted to say to them, and it is 11:45 pm, 12:30 am, 12:45 am… or later. And you send your text message over… And “buzz, buzz, buzz.” Their phone is vibrating or text message ringing next to them while they are sleeping. And your texting them wakes them up.
Not only is that inadvertently rude. You just disturbed their sleep. They are now feeling at least irritated by you, and think you lack many of the social graces. And this is all before they have actually met you. Your anchor in their emotional nonconscious mind is with the irritation of being awoken in the middle of the night. Your anchor is now: irritation. That is not what you want to trigger at the very beginning.
Online Dating Etiquette Tip#3: Cell Phone Text Spam
While I am on the topic of text messaging, many people collect wonderful inspirational quotes or favorite Bible verses. These are a wonderful thing to intersperse into your Tweetstream at Twitter or in your update box at Facebook or MySpace.
However, do not start sending these out on a daily basis to your new Prospective Dates who have graciously given you their phone number. It’s spamming.
They gave you their phone number to arrange to meet for a First Date. Use it only for that purpose.
They are not your new best friend. Nor are they a subscriber to your personal newsletter. Let them choose to connect and follow you at the Social Networking sites only after you two have met and established a level of acquaintance after a few dates before you do.
When you follow and incorporate these Phone and Textetiquette Tips into your dating and relationships habits, then you are geared up for Great First Dates and increasing your chances for more Second Dates and beyond! And that’s how you successfully start great long lasting love relationships!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Las Vegas After 40/Over 50 Online Dating Expert
Follow and Engage with April on Twitter: @AprilBraswell
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Ari says
February 23, 2011 at 11:48 PMThis is a good point and dating tip reminder. I think the more mature after 40 single may know that phone manners tip but people have gotten really lazy when it comes to modern manners. Your reminder is timely with all the cell phone out there now. Guys especially need to hear this dating tip for that internet dating first phone call or they’ll blow it, right?
Laney says
February 24, 2011 at 2:13 AMHi April. Excellent point for online dating. I wish more of the single guys would read your blog and this reminder and be more courteous gentlemen while dating!
Chase Ryans says
March 4, 2011 at 6:08 PMYeah girls who start texting early morning have got to get real and stop doing that.
Lorraine says
March 16, 2011 at 3:56 AMYeah some guys think just because you give them your cell number it’s ok to send all those whole address book messages. Why do they do that, April? What are they thinking?
Ajay says
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Bella says
March 18, 2011 at 10:03 PMI wish more people would think of phone manners once I give them my phone number. Some people phone so late at night. So rude.
Christina says
March 19, 2011 at 4:09 PMI reckon something really special in your dating tips website .
Desi says
March 20, 2011 at 12:53 PMSome girls will text just any time of day and don’t get that I’m at work and busy.
Rosemary says
March 20, 2011 at 9:59 PMI ACTUALLY appeared to be happy to discover that I could be guilty of phoning too late. Thanks for the reminder
Connie Dally says
March 23, 2011 at 9:53 PMYeah it can get really bad with guys texting at odd hours. Like I need to give them a manners list when I give them my cell number.
Vaughn Tarner says
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Gretta says
October 13, 2011 at 4:12 PMI have found that texting rules apply for time constraints the same way phone calls do however, I think a text after ten that wonders whether or not it is too late to call and actually speak is alright. A simple text that says something like “is it too late to talk?” is alright. If it is indeed too late the person will simply not respond or reply “yes.” Anything after ten o’clock whether via text or phone call is (unless previously agreed upon as a reasonable hour) considered a booty call. Watch out.