Part of the phenomena of the internet and online dating is the literally physically close proximity, intimate space proximity of much of what we do.
Our emails.
Our smart phones.
Our computers.
These are all literally in our intimate physical space proximity of under 24 inches away from us. All people get closer than 24 inches to us for more than a moment of time, our unconscious mind associates with people with whom we have an intimate relationship.
This might be a filial relationship with a close family member. This might be our close friends. We are huggy with them. We clap each other on the back and walk beside each other. Close.
Our nonconscious mind is not rational about this. It is not able to separate, “oh THESE people, I am really intimate with them. But the others who are in the physical space where it is only by phone, computer, emails, THOSE people are different than the others here in the same physical space.”
The unconscious mind doesn’t filter and just – blip – autopilot, makes that association for us.
So we FEEL like the singles we meet online and with whom we share more than a few emails and photographs are our newest close friend.
We start to say things and suggest things with them that are really perfectly reasonable and normal that we would do with our friends.
Like for instance April?
Like sharing photos. I’m not even talking about the illicit pix. I’m talking about sending and sharing photos from your smart phone with someone whom you have not yet even spoken to by phone. I’m talking about sharing and sending pix with someone who you have not actually met in person offline live in the real world.
But doesn’t that seem like such an innocuous request. And really, it is. Additionally, we’re all getting cued and primed to do this with our smart phones to display a photo of the incoming caller. Our little happy inner techno nerd self WANTS to have a photo display with every incoming call. It’s a feature. We want to fulfill it.
However…. however, the issue is, what if?
What if you two never do actually meet and a stranger has a bunch of photos of you on their cell phone? I mean, that’s just weird. Who wants that? Not me.
What if… what if your Prospective Date gets a little obsessed or whatever and starts to post casual life photos of you on their Facebook wall, and yet again, I mention, you two have not yet even met live in person in real life offline. More of that’s just weird.
What’s the best way to avoid all of this weirdness? Don’t ask for photo sharing with strangers.
And if your Prospective Date does request photos, just ignore those text messages. To say anything about it just by text or email can just look off putting. Just ignore and remain silent on the subject via text messages.
Better that when you two talk by phone, which hopefully eventually you will do, if they bring it up just say, “I didn’t feel comfortable doing that since we haven’t met yet. You’re welcome to take photos of me in person smiling at you when we meet.”
They don’t need to fully understand. And if you’re on the receiving end of such a statement, don’t over analyze it. Just be patient and wait for more pix until you’ve met in person. To have pix of people on your phone, really they should be friends, people with whom you’re well-acquainted.
There are other variables, too. We ladies want to make sure we look GOOD in the photos. Who wants to jump and share pix with a stranger we’re hoping is attracted to us and our lipstick isn’t on?
When you’re a single looking for love online, it’s easy to feel too quickly a false major connection that is not yet based in real life offline. As much as possible, aim consciously to make your actions and behavior consistent in empowering you to build a love relationship slowly over time in person. Once you two have met and are flirting offline will be plenty of time to share photos when it’s commensurate with the real connection you two actually have.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Internet Dating and Relationship Expert
as seen in “Dating for Dummies” 3rd Edition
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John Moulder says
May 13, 2011 at 9:59 PMNone of this would occur to me while courting . I think I am getting old .
Sales trainings most common costly mistakes says
May 13, 2011 at 11:49 PMApril, as someone out in the dating field it is strange for a woman to send me a photo without really knowing her.
Scott Sylvan Bell
Sales trainings most common costly mistakes
Now go implement!
Dewayne Chriswell says
May 14, 2011 at 4:11 AMCarry a smart-phone. Still haven’t embraced it. Must be a different approach to technology. Love some apps, hate some others. Still have a traditional male attitude toward the telephone, (hate it, but useful out of necessity).
I fully agree, photosharing with strangers, bad idea and creepy. Forget about the geotagging code inside of some pictures waiting for extraction. You do an amazing job of helping people navigate through this unfamiliar territory.
Dewayne Chriswell
http://dewaynechriswell.com
Reading a Man's Body Language says
May 14, 2011 at 5:19 AMIt really is crucial to understand texting in a social
context. It IS THE preferred form of communication in
2011. I wonder if that will be the case for some time
to come?
Eva Palmer says
May 14, 2011 at 8:41 AMThis is the first time that I hear the concept of photo sharing, or maybe I had with friends, but not with strangers. Good advice the one you give, it sounds strange to exchange that information with someone you don’t know.
Kevin Bettencourt says
May 14, 2011 at 10:14 AMI think of texting as a quick, to the point conversation rather than something I would use to have a full conversation. I feel it’s just a information exchange, maybe because I’m so slow?
Reading Body Language says
May 14, 2011 at 11:19 AMYou are best guide for singles in this new age of technology.
Clare Delaney says
May 15, 2011 at 12:30 AMWow April, what excellent advice! You’re absolutely right, these technology advances can make people feel more ‘close’ to a stranger and do things that normally they would do only with thier friends. I wouldn’t have guessed it, thank you!
EcoExpert
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Trisha Chambers says
May 15, 2011 at 9:08 AMGood God I hate texting and IM’ing….I would be a horrible single in this day and age….
Bryan says
May 15, 2011 at 12:57 PMThe instant access we have to each other can be a good and a bad thing…we need to use it wisely
Sales Expert
Tiffany says
May 19, 2011 at 12:19 AMIf a guy wants to date me he calls me to ask. I like what Rachel said. hilarious.
Raina Bernhart says
May 20, 2011 at 1:17 PMHeya April. I’m for the first time here and I have to say while I don’t often post a comment your point about texting for singles and the need for beter manners I found to be necessary. I find It truly useful and it helped me out much. Please forget proper manners with modern tecnhology.
Neil Dhawan says
May 20, 2011 at 2:45 PMVery interesting article with some great tips regarding photo sharing and I love how you gave a simple answer that anyone can use to diffuse a potentially awkward situation (why didn’t you send someone your photo).
Best, Neil
Kathy says
June 7, 2011 at 10:07 AMApril, this is a great tip. I wish more guys would get it that way about texting.
Amanda Cline says
January 31, 2012 at 10:09 PMIf I read this site do you think I could maybe get a boyfriend one day?