This particular text etiquette faux pas is more within the arena of what we single women fall guilty of. It’s the Kiss and Tell story, and I don’t mean the Brian Ferry song from the 1980s. Frankly, this is already one young single guy’s biggest fears in however they approach a woman, whatever it is that he says to her, when later on in a relationship, he actually starts to bare his soul and vulnerabilities to her.
He fears she will simply go share his vulnerabilities to her girlfriends and giggle at him.
So for goodness sake’s, don’t go forward his text messages to your gaggle of girlfriends!
If there is something cute, darling, and endearing that he said, than certainly save the text and archive it. If your archive gets full, then go type them out into a notepad folder in your email account and save them like they are the modern day love notes that indeed they are. I had one long term relationship boyfriend who really got quite poetic with his feelings, and only a touch naughty (all very PG13) in the romanticism of his text messages. They were so beautiful and heartfelt reflective of him that I saved a number of them over into a notepad folder. However, I never forwarded them to my girlfriends or female relatives. When you are a woman with a man, be protective of his vulnerabilities as you are hoping he will cherish your tender feelings as well.
Additionally, we your friends. We are happy for you when things start to work out with a new guy.
We are delighted that it looks like you what looks like it could be a keeper, a long lasting love relationship.
And we do need some romantic relationship cocktails conversation fodder for our monthly girls night out (GNO). However, don’t just sit there and actually show us his text messages to you. Well, ok, one or two which are kinda cute and enthusiastic about you.
But please do NOT….
Forward his messages and ask us all to chime in via group reply alls and analyze or vainly attempt to figure out what he meant in what is a short text message!
If you need help figuring men out, certainly talk to your girl friends who do well with men or arrange for personal one on one coaching with me a professional dating coach. However it is both a bad relationship success habit to get into to analyze your man pejoratively with your girlfriends as a group. You will get in the habit of trash talking men as a group. This is not a good Dating Mind Set and puts men off. They can feel that you have your arms crossed in front of you, leaning back, analyzing and criticizing them. Better to talk with one or two friends one on one with the specific goal of gaining some perspective. Ask, “Has this ever happened to you? I didn’t understand it. Do you?” Work with a professional who gets men and appreciates them. Then you’ll understand men better yourself and succeed with them better in your continuing to appreciate them. They find that very attractive and appealing in a woman!
Forward any of his too naughty a text message faux pas.
You might allude to them to us, but for goodness sakes, please keep a little veil of privacy to your private life. Los Angeles single guy Neil Dhawan posited that the TMI photo sharing or texting might be drunk-texting or at least alcohol inspired. I’m sure some of them are.
However, certainly some of the single women I’ve coached who were looking for getting a boyfriend online who encountered some of these messages reported that they received the messages in the morning around the start of the business day work hours. I can only hope that they were not trashed at 9:30 am, but one never knows, does one?
Share a First Date photo with your whole cell phone address book or post ANYTHING on your Facebook wall after the First Date (or 4!)
Until you two have been on at least 6 dates and are discussing what you want and don’t want in a relationship and talking about potentially wanting that with each other, there really is no reason in the word to share details including photos or cute gushing texts about him with your friends.
Again, maintain a veil of privacy. I keep thinking of the politicians from the 1980s. Keep a modicum of deniability to the relationship until there really IS a relationship, OK?
Too much attention on it serves only to smother it, like a tender shoot plant getting too much water or too much sun dies before it has the chance to develop roots and mature a bit. Let it breath. Should any of your friends ask about that glowing smile on your face and ask if you’re seeing anyone, your reply as you smile mysteriously, revealing nothing?
“Always!”
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
New Item in April’s Store:
HYPNOTIC LOVE: ATTRACTING LOVE: Program Your Mind to Attract Love, Activate Your LOA Law of Attraction
Click here to add ATTRACTING LOVE CD to your cart (powered by Kunaki).
April Braswell Dating Expert ATTRACTING LOVE CD program
Attracting Love Audio Hypnosis CD Program by Dating Expert April Braswell
Click here to add ATTRACTING LOVE CD to your cart (powered by Kunaki).
John Moulder says
May 23, 2011 at 4:04 AMGood advice . It seems to be one of the biggest problems with new relationships these days . People want to share everything via facebook , gossip etc . One of the things I despise about social media .
Sonya Lenzo says
May 23, 2011 at 7:20 AMand even MORE so if you have mutual friends!! More relationships have been busted early on by too much gossip, even well meaning or friendly gossip..
Sonya Lenzo
Clare Delaney says
May 23, 2011 at 7:41 AM“Politicians from the 80s” Yes, that says it all! Good advice April on an all-too-common mistake.
EcoExpert
Being Plastic is not eco-friendly OR safe!
Peggy Larson says
May 23, 2011 at 8:13 AMVery sound advice you gave again April. Too much blabbing can turn a great beginning into a fast endining.
I saw a recent TV commercial where the guy drops the gal off after a first date, then you see him driving in the car and you can tell he’s thinking “should I, or shouldn’t I?” and then he gives in and uses his phone to check her facebook status and you hear a voice say, “Best first date ever.” It’s a very sweet commercial.
And very well done because that’s all that is said. Keeping it simple is beautiful, and gives potential for the future.
Peggy
Kevin Bettencourt says
May 23, 2011 at 11:27 AMMany times in this article you alluded to understanding men. I can’t help but notice that not talking about the things you describe is actually acting similar to a man. He should definitely be OK with that.
Rachel Robinson says
May 23, 2011 at 1:13 PMVery good advice. Sharing too many details early on and overanalyzing is a potential relationship killer! It’s best to keep your personal life personal until you really know how you feel about a person or situation. And then only share little bits and pieces while keeping the really juicy things private.
Leadership Is A Choice
Learn how to influence others says
May 23, 2011 at 10:47 PMApril, some may not even think twice about forwarding a text or a picture is not a good thing to do. You are right with your online dating advice of not posting anything on facebook for a few dates. This could potentially harm a budding relationship.
Scott Sylvan Bell
Learn how to influence others
Now go implement!
Dewayne Chriswell says
May 24, 2011 at 1:44 AMGood advice for all on what others really don’t need to know to maske their day complete.
Dewayne’s Digital Photography D-SLR Tip: Screw-On Lens Filters
Eva Palmer says
May 24, 2011 at 3:24 AMPrivacy is very important at the beggining of a relationship for you, for him or her and for both.
Very intelligent advice about what to share and what not to share!
Bryan says
May 25, 2011 at 5:42 PMIt’s about time a women said that! Almost all the women I know forward texts or show them off to thier friends….
Sales Expert
Dating Websites says
May 30, 2011 at 10:28 PMAm a newbie for dating and reached here by searching about Dating The tips suggested post is good.I will look forward to the tips shared in post.More over i read some of your other blog entries which are impressive April.