Top 10 Blunders on How To Ruin a First Date for Guys from a Dating Expert

Top 10 Ways for Guy How You Wreck a First Date…

Top 10 Tips to Stop Botching the First Date After All the Effort You Invested in Getting It!

This Top Ten Dating Tips of First Date Blunders is geared particularly for the single guys.

Guys, I want to have your back here and help you avoid some massive mistakes with dating women and what single girls expect men to do on first dates.  Because when you have a great first date, those lead to great second dates and getting a girlfriend.

So here goes, drum roll please…..

Top Ten Blunders on How To Ruin a First Date for Guys from a Dating Expert

Single Guys First Date Blunders #1.   Don’t Have a Plan

There are two kinds of a First Dates.

First Date Scenario #1.  You Have Met Already:

When you two have already met, perhaps at a singles event, a mixer singles activity, a Yuppie Bar after work, at a Business Association Networking Event, then you have already established In Person Chemistry, The Ability to Carry On a Short Conversation, and The Mutual Desire to See Each Other Again.  Those are really the three things to establish at a first meeting.

What Women Want: Single women are looking for a man who will pursue and lead… somewhat

Since you are already past that, your first date can be a bit longer and entail shared food and a shared activity.  Single women are looking for a man who will pursue them somewhat and lead somewhat.

Yes, it’s the 21^st century and she may want some input, like a conversation about what she likes and enjoys.  However, she does still want you to demonstrate some leadership ability.  One way she is looking, expecting and really wanting you to lead is to Have a Plan for Your Dates.

“Hey, let’s get together Thursday evening….,” is how you invite a buddy to hang out with you.  That is not a Date.  She may have agreed, feeling you would make a plan and then email or phone her to present it to her.  But don’t think that she is going to doll up and just show up Thursday night with that kind of invitation.

If you don’t have any ideas about where to go, ask her, “What are you top 3 favorite kinds of restaurants?” Many of us, when put on the spot, don’t have just one we like.

Additionally, if you were to have asked her, “What is your favorite type of restaurant?” and you either do not like that kind of food or the one restaurant nearby that serves that is outside of your budget, then you’re at a dead end.  By asking for 3, you leave yourself room to maneuver.

OK, now time to go to Yahoo, Yelp, and Zagat for some feedback and ideas.  Then when you either ask her out or phone to firm up the plans for the date you acquired, you will have a few options to present to her.  Either, “I want to take you  N Restaurant.  How do you feel about that?” or “I was thinking of taking you N Restaurant or M Restaurant.  Which do you prefer?” She knows you have checked the prices.  Now she can safely have some input as a 21^st century woman without inadvertently embarrassing you by picking some place which is outside of your price range.

First Date Scenario #2.  You Have Not Yet Met Already:

With Social Networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, Meetup, and Eons, and Internet Dating, many singles are connecting with other singles online.  You may feel like you two already know each other, however, until you actually meet face to face, you are acquainted strangers and you have not yet established the most important factor with online dating:  In Person Chemistry.

Since that is the case, you want your first meeting to be about 60 minutes and be in a sophisticated, mature setting which adults frequent.  You don’t need a major plan this evening.  However, you do need to suggest or definitely agree upon a precise time and place.  Leaving it open ended, thinking you have bookmarked her evening can lead to misunderstandings and hard feelings.

Single Guys First Date Blunders #2.  Don’t Get Her Phone Number

When you two have “met” via an online dating site, quite often as a guy, you can make all the arrangements for your first date meeting in emails at the dating site.  You might never even ask for her phone number.  This would be a mistake.  What if something happens?  I mean, stuff does happen.  We all have lives.  There might be an accident on the 101 or the 405.  As a friend of mine says, “There is always an accident on the 405.”  You’re delayed.  She’s delayed.  You aimed to be there early, but you’re going to be significantly late.  Or which Hilton in the city to meet at was misunderstood.  In some areas there can be multiples of the restaurant or classy hotel wine bar where you were planning to meet.

If you have her phone number, you can communicate and be considerate of her and her time.  Consideration and communication are hallmarks of great relationships of all kinds.  So, start practicing that Life Success Habit now by asking for her phone number in advance of the First Date.  And, hey, because of course you’re a gentleman, go ahead and give her your phone number first so she feels safe and secure to give you hers in return.

Single Guys First Date Blunders #3.  Show Up Late

Hey, things were busy at the office.  The drive took longer than you’d expected.  Way longer than you’d anticipated or planned.  There was traffic.  By the way, there’s always traffic.  You took a wrong turn even with your Garmin or GPS App on your Smart Phone.

Now, a feminine woman is understanding.  She knows stuff happens and that we are all a touch nervous on some level for the first date meeting.  She will wait for you graciously, displaying her feminine acceptance, graciousness, and ladylike behavior.

Many single women will not wait more than 15 minutes if you’re running late.

First Date:  The 15 Minute Rule

However, she has limits.  Many single women will not wait more than 15 minutes for you without communication.  And know that if your date was only for drinks and you are going to be significantly later than 30 minutes, she may bow out for the night unless you now offer to buy her dinner or something.  And even then, very simply, she might refuse because that was not what the two of you agreed to for the First Date.

Single Guys First Date Blunders #4.  Have Nothing to Say

Some introverted men are so mono-focused on their own interests and job that those are the only topics they could converse about.  Additionally, many introverts, which some people, both men and women, label as “Shy Guys,” are having internal dialogues.  Much of their processing goes on inside their heads.  So they speak less than an extrovert who often processes and works through thoughts and opinions verbally.

That all said, additionally, single guys know that when they are in the presence of a beautiful woman, and trust me, your single gal date made an effort to gussy up and look her best, that they get into this sort of glazed over eyed mesmerized state.  If she’s beautiful and then she smiles at you, like deer in the headlights, the guys get transfixed and can freeze.  Beautiful girls and beautiful women know this.  We experience it all the time.  We know if we smile and just give you a minute or two that you will snap out of it and be able to speak.

After those few minutes of Beauty Trance, have something to say.  Ask her questions about herself.  Talk about what is going well at work.  Mention some challenges you’re attacking in a manly fashion.  Discuss some of your outdoor hobbies.  Inquire which ones she enjoys and where she likes to pursue them.  If you leave it all to her to carry on the conversation, even if she initially found you physically attractive, she will likely NOT want to see you again because you’re making her do all the work of the date in person.

Single Guys First Date Blunders #5.  Show Up Stoned

You might think this one is obvious, but sadly you’d be wrong.  I cannot believe I even have to mention it, but I do.  Now, if you two are meeting at a classy bar, and you have already enjoyed 1 drink while waiting for your date, because you’re great and got there early, that’s one thing.  I’m talking stoned of the other kind.  If you want her to refuse to even go out on this first date with you or turn on her heel when she meets you, show up with red eyes, stoned out of your mind.  She will leave.  Writing poetry letters of apology won’t make it up to her.  She requires a man treat her in a classy, mature, and considerate way.

Single Guys First Date Blunders #6.  Don’t Buy Her Cup of Coffee

While I am not a big fan of “Let’s Meet For a Cup of Coffee” for the first date meeting, many still want that and folks giving advice who got married 20 years ago recommend it.

So that idea is out there.  10-15 years ago and when internet dating was in its cyberdating infancy, lots of singles met at Coffee Shops.  They were ubiquitous for the The First Date.  You would see singles coming into meet each other.

Not so much anymore because they are now the haunts of teenagers and married Soccer Moms.  It feels like you’re being chaperoned.

Still, if that’s what you two arranged and agreed upon, for goodness sake, buy her her latte.  Your cost for doing so is still likely to be less than $5.00.

Trust me, she invested more than that in her looking as good as she does.  But some single guys show that they don’t date much when they meet a woman for coffee and then just leave it to her to go get her own.

What can you do differently to distinguish yourself from the schlumps?

Stand up, ask her what she’d like to drink, and go get it for her.  It’s the 21^st century option of hunting and returning with your kill to display for her admiration.  There are not many of those opportunities presented in modern life.  A feminine woman will graciously thank you, take a sip, and tell you how delicious it is.  Bask in your masculinity when she does so.

Single Guys First Date Blunders #7.  Insist on Meeting Somewhere Halfway That She Is Unfamiliar With

This is romance you are aiming to cultivate, not a business relationship or platonic friendship.  When you insist on meeting halfway and somewhere that she is unfamiliar with, you are subtly putting her physical safety at risk.

She is not familiar with the surroundings.  Walking to and from her car somewhere new has its risks for her.  You are a perfect stranger and she can’t have you walk her all the way back to her car to protect her and display your masculine protectiveness because you are still a stranger.

What works instead:  When you know where she lives from her dating profile, suggest one or two towns a few miles from her which have a downtown area with parking and a number of restaurants to choose from.  Then, whichever she is comfortable with and well-acquainted with, she can accept.

Single Guys First Date Blunders #8.  Complain About Your Exwife/Exgirlfriend

Nothing like complaining on a first date to douse the starting embers of the flames of chemistry.  Some single men who are dating again after divorce do so too soon after the divorce.  They are still 100% blaming and putting the responsibility on their ex.  Women do this too.  That’s just how we are as humans.  Dating is not therapy time.  Don’t bring this up to your date until you two are in a relationship where going over some of your mutual pasts is prudent.  If you do this too much on a First Date, she might be outta there within 30 minutes.

If she does bring up your divorce which shows in your internet dating status that you are divorced, say something gracious and demure.

Gentlemen, allow me to apologize on behalf of my gender right now.  I hear from a number of divorced men who are now dating again that a number of single women inquired like it was The Inquisition on the First Date about “Why did your marriage fail?  What did you do wrong?” I apologize.  They were aiming to be efficient.  That was not romantic of them at all.  Should anything like come up, “I have reflected on it a lot and learned from it.  I’m certain I’m ready to date again.  However, I think it is too soon in our knowing each other to share at that level.  Once we’re better acquainted, after a few dates, I’d be happy to discuss that with you.” Or words to that effect in your tone and mannerisms, and then firmly change the subject to something light like, “What is your favorite book you’ve read recently?”  or “How about The Game Sunday night?”

Single Guys First Date Blunders #9.  Grouse About Your Boss and Your Job

This is so easy to fall into especially when your date is on a work night.  You’ve just come from the office.  It was a trying day.  You’re boss was a jerk.  You’re overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated.  Collecting unemployment almost looks appealing.  Don’t bring it to your date!  Or she won’t want to see you again at all.

Instead?  Invariably on a first date, you two will talk a little bit about each of your jobs and careers.  Find something positive to say about it.  “In this economy, it can be trying, but I’m grateful to have a job.  I’m looking at taking a class on Business at the community college to keep my skills up-to-date.  Tell me more about what you do?  What do you enjoy most about your job?”

Single Guys First Date Blunders #10.  Stand Her Up

Singles standing each other up is one of the Dirty Little Secrets of Internet Dating.  It happens.  Why ask why?  Both single men and single women email or ask me at workshops, “Why did she do it?”  “Why do guys do that?”  Who knows?  Was there a death in the family?  Did they think it was just a bookmarked time but not a concrete date had been agreed upon? Did they realize they just weren’t ready to date?  Who cares?

If for some reason you do stand her up and didn’t phone in advance with a dire emergency having happened, just know, she is highly likely to forgive you and never make another date with you again.  From what I have seen, her reserving another evening for you and getting dressed up again are highly, highly unlikely.  Instead, make a point to meet other singles who are available and actually interested in a relationship demonstrated by their, exchanging phone number, arranging precise time, date, and locations for the date, and who show up looking their best.

When you avoid these First Date Ruining Blunders, you’ll have a better time, enjoy better first dates, and secure more second dates!  And isn’t that the whole point of going on a First Date?

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell
Internet Dating and Relationship Expert

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition

Other Relevant Dating Articles:

Top Ten Blunders for How to Ruin a First Date for Women from a Dating Expert

Top 10 First Date Success Tips for Shy Guys

Top 3 Common First Date Dreadful Dressing Disasters for Women

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Top Ten Blunders for How to Ruin a First Date for Women from a Dating Expert