Stop Texting with Him Until He Asks You on a Date

Dating Coach for Women After 40 Years Old Advises the Single Woman to Stop Texting Men Until the Guy Asks for a First Date

One of the recurring questions I receive from single girls and single women over 37 or 40 or so is how can they get a guy who keeps texting them to segue to a date.  Midlife singles who are marriage minded, women in particular, want to devote their time to dating men looking for a life-long love relationship and not a texting buddy.

What’s my expert dating advice?  Stop texting with him until he asks you out.

They women email me lengthy stories the guys who have their cell phone number and who start texting with them in the evenings.  The guys are doing what is known as “text dating.” They are taking up your time throughout a whole evening, but they have not in anyway taken any masculine risks to put themselves out there with their masculine confidence and asked you on a date.  While the Millennial Generation does text each other quite a lot, and you can communicate a great deal of information via your cell phone texting, you cannot truly connect and exchange a conversation via texting.  You miss out on the human element.  Just as in internet dating, your goal of texting with the guy who has your number was to go on a date, right?  You didn’t just randomly agree to give him your phone number, right?  He asked you for your number?  Or did you just cutely give it to him after chatting at the coffee shop at the public library?

Often the issue of endless texting leading to no-where and no-dates stems from the phone number exchange to begin with.  Who asked for the phone number exchange?

The Single Girl Gives the Guy Her Phone Number

It is perfectly cool and 21st century acceptable for girls to give their phone numbers to guys.  However, what you say when you cutely hand him your personal card sets the tone for flirtation and a possible date, or not.  Smiling and flirting with him at the end of chance meeting and conversation,  “Well, it was sure fun to talk with you.  I love live baseball games, too.  I’d love it if you PHONED me sometime and asked me on a date!” You did not ask him on date.  You just told him you were receptive to his overtures.  The PUAs and Seduction community guys refer to this as (drum roll please) “The Approach.” Will he approach you later and ask you out?  Who knows?  The ball is now in his court.  You, marvelous you, bop on about through your adventure filled day and go on about your life, meeting other marvelous and wonderful people.  And if this darling man phones you, clearly he is a man of forthright action and good taste.  He has demonstrated that by deciding and choosing to phone YOU!  If this man does not phone you, who knows why?  Maybe his cat died, he is busy at work, or actually has a girlfriend and was just enjoying a flirtatious exchange at the library.  No strings, not harm, no foul.   “Play on!” as we NHL Hockey fans say during Stanley Cup.

The Single Guy Asks For Her Phone Number

Now the situation is both similar and a bit different when it is the single guy who asks the single woman for her phone number.  He asks, “Can I get your phone number?” Your response leverages the power of Outcome Based Thinking (OBT) in how you formulate your question.  Since the only reason you would give a guy your phone number is to have him ask you out on an actual date, not to text you endlessly, wasting your time, while you and your girlfriends examine his texts and analyze what he must be thinking.

With that, you respond, “Oh that would be fun.  What did you have in mind?” You’re going to say something a little stronger in a moment, right now, you are sweetly in a feminine manner queing him up to see how pursuing and interested he is.  How does he respond?  “Oh, well, I want to talk with you….” or (yes, yes, yes!) “I’m interested in seeing you again.”

Mind you, rarely does the guy under 25 years old unless he is in business for himself already in some way like a lot of blue collar guys are, have the combined self-confidence and forthrightness to say, “I enjoyed talking with you.  I want your number so I can ask you on a date.” That would be jackpot gold, wouldn’t it? Just the under 25 year olds, the guys aren’t sufficiently practiced, poised, and polished talking with girls.

By 28 years old, 35, 43, now by then, they have developed this social skills and have a better idea of who they are and are confident and self-assured in who they are.

So, help the fellah out a little here. Your additional response, “Oh, I’d really like that.  I felt you wanted to PHONE and ask me out on a date.  If that’s the case, I’d gladly give you my number.  But not if you’re one of those time wasting guys who just wants to text a girl all the time and never ask her out.  You’re not like that, are you?” As you say that last part, squench up and wrinkle your nose and you contort your face into a look of bad tasting food.  Your body language facial expression should read, “Yelch!”  Utter distaste and contempt.  What’s he going to say?  “Yes, I’m an idiot like that?” NO!  “Oh no, I’d never do that!”

Once you have his agreement of interest and intention, then you agree to give him your phone number.  Don’t just bump smart phones and give him your contact information like it is of no value.  Getting to contact you is a fabulous thing, afterall!

Practice these exchanges and you won’t even have to deal with the time wasting texters.  The only text you’ll get are the ones where he tells you, “Can’t wait 2CU 2nite!” And those are worth receiving!

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell

Related Text Etiquette Dating Articles:

Dating Expert Tips on Phone and Texting Etiquette for Online Dating

Internet Dating Textetiquette Texting Tip for Singles: HEY Is Not a Message

Dating Tip for Single Women – Stop Texting with Him Until He Asks You on a Date