A lesson from the internet for us all. My blog recently got attacked. It’s happened to us all. The thing is, I kept people away for an extra day or two because I wanted to make sure it was “safe” for visitors before inviting others back.
Imagine if your home had experienced a bug infestation. Would you invite friends over for dinner before you first made sure everything was spic and span? Of course not. And then in the final act of fixing things, I had to let go of the theme I was using and revert back to the Default WordPress theme. I uttered to a friend, “I’d rather be safe than pretty.”
With dating in the Web 2.0 age of Social Media and its singles subset, Online Dating, we need to practice all the ways we can be safe in our habits of interacting and meeting new people.
And when you are a truly smart and savvy single looking for lasting love and to create a marriage relationship, isn’t that one of the most important attributes you desire in a relationship? That your husband or wife would a person of security, love, and safety for you. Do practice that in your courting behavior as you become acquainted at the internet dating sites.
Yes, of course, many women are attracted to Brad Pitt and want a man with good looks. And the single guys? Of course, men crave a beautiful woman. But what do we do in real life? Who do we marry? Invariably we marry men and women who come with financial and emotional stability and resources. People who will safe and secure for us to spend our lives with. Are they always the best looking? To the eyes of a stranger, perhaps not. In our eyes, when we look through the eyes of love, well, yes, they are good looking to us, too.
There is an old Robert Young and Dorothy McGuire movie, “The Enchanted Cottage.” A marvelous tale of true, genuine, real love. You see, each has an imperfection (don’t we all?), a deformity of some kind. Over time as they come to love each other and to grow in their love, they just start to not see those in each other. What they saw was a vibrant, life-loving young woman and man. Learning to train our brain with the hypnosis modality and similar scientific techniques can help us to shift our perception and what we see. We can see the best in others, in available singles, to appreciate them for who they are and what they have to offer. And we can additionally literally train our brain to help us notice more the people around us who are indeed actually single and available.
As we do this, we find that we surround ourselves with safety and more of the life we choose to see is actually, afterall, pretty.
Try this tomorrow. How many wonderful people can you see tomorrow? Count them. All the people you smile at and say hello to and who respond and really look at you back.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Michael D Walker says
April 25, 2010 at 1:56 AMGreat way to tie your blog problem into the safety & security aspect of dating & then shifting us into how we gauge people as wonderful.
Glad your blog is back up & running even if you had to get rid of the theme you liked. Your info is far more valuable than any cosmetic appearance online.
Michael
The Success Secrets
Tim Van Milligan says
April 25, 2010 at 5:09 AMI heard someone once say: “We don’t marry the people that turn us on… we mary the ones that can’t turn us off.” Do you have your engine reving!
Tim Van Milligan, helping you Make Money Online, God’s Way!
Sonya Lenzo says
April 25, 2010 at 6:19 AMThat is a fascinating metaphor, April. And it is so true, particulary for Boomer Age Women looking for romance. We have hopefully gotten past pretty to other attributes, like kindness.
Sonya Lenzo
Michelle Mason says
April 25, 2010 at 11:46 AMI was thinking of that movie “Shallow Hal”, where the guy looks at this girl who is grossly overweight, and sees skinny Gwyneth Paltrow. I don’t remember how the movie explains it, but it makes sense. Pretty much all of my friends are getting married, and none of their partners is modelesque. But they are definitely attractive onthe inside.
I am glad you are up and running again.
Michelle
Trisha Chambers says
April 25, 2010 at 11:55 AMMy standards are high, as I married a troll the first time and a toad the next.
You HAVE to be good looking, financially stable, SMART, a sense of humor compatible to mine, an Obama, Pelosi, Reid hater and able to put up with outlandish demands! LOL!
Great post sweetie!
Steve Chambers says
April 25, 2010 at 12:32 PMApril,
This was such a good post on so many levels. We need to take precautions and have a plan for when things go wrong.
Steve Chambers
Body Language Expert
Jennifer Battaglino says
April 25, 2010 at 5:48 PMYou are good at what you do! even with all that has happened with your site you still find a way to relate it to dating and relationships….and make sense!
It’s true that it’s not all about the looks and someone can become very ugly very fast is they don’t have the smarts our personality to back it up….
Jen B
The Harwood Group – Tinnitus, Chronic Illness, Fears, and Anxiety
Sabrina Peterson says
April 25, 2010 at 9:42 PMSorry that your blog was attacked, it sucks. So glad you were able to get it up and running again.
You have made valid points today! Maybe you’ll agree with this… the more you are attracted to someone the more attractive they become to you no matter what they look like.
Sabrina Peterson, NASM CPT,CES
Corrective Exercise for Every Body
Shane says
April 26, 2010 at 2:42 AMYou make a great point April, about focusing out thoughts. We all have bad thought habits that can change if we put our minds to it. Another good hypnosis term for what you’re talking about in dating is “framing” and “Reframing.” You meet someone and develop an opinion on them (positive or negative). You get to know them and your opinion changes (positive or negative).
Shane
– Change Your Thoughts and Change Your Life –
Lisa McLellan says
April 26, 2010 at 3:16 AMBack in high school, looks were so important. We valued such silly things. I remember doing an exercise in class one day where we were told to write down what things we looked for in a boyfriend/girlfriend. I was in a group with 3 other girls. We decided we wanted a gorgeous thin Italian guy with nice teeth and who drove a nice car! OMG – I can’t believe that was our criteria.
Looks mean nothing to me now. I look right through people into their heart. Funny how time and experience changes us. Of course, I’m married so it doesn’t matter for me. I would love my husband just as much if he got heavy and physically unattractive. Fortunately, he is very into taking care of himself. He’s a hottie!
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services, Nanny Services, and Nanny agencies
Eileen O'Neill says
April 26, 2010 at 1:47 PMOne of the great gifts, it seems to me, is the ability to see past the external, superficial – I think it is a sign of maturity when people can see and love a person for who they are…., what do you think?
Eileen
David says
April 26, 2010 at 1:49 PMYour right April security is important plus planning ahead.
David
Bay Area Roofing Contractors
Mark says
April 28, 2010 at 12:46 AMApril, glad you are back up and care enough about your readers to keep them at a ‘safe’ distance until you got things handled! I agree that people are looking for security… emotional, relational, spiritual, financial, career, physical… it is a powerful draw to be safe!
Mark
Direct Selling Advice, Leveraging Relationships for Long-term Profit
Joy Leithoff says
December 16, 2010 at 7:56 PMI wish there was more coverage about dating safety tips like yours April.