Part of my dating and relationship expertise is yes, I have been researching the topic for over 20 years, conduct field research, and I integrate scientific study to the advise and tips I provide. In addition to fun, zest, and a sense of humor. It’s part of my uniqueness as a coach. Yes, I integrate my Sales and Product Marketing executive background.
Studies of “Pair Bonding” as the academics like to call married couples have revealed some fascinating information about some of the traits of successful long term romantic relationships.
There is the initial chemistry which I mentioned the other day in my Dating and Relationship Behavior Contrast blog post. So much of that is a combination of psychology and pheromones. We need to be neither too close to the target’s family pheromone signature as to be TABOO. Additionally, we do need to have sufficient pheromone signature family similarity as to be attractive. Then we do feel that surge of attraction chemistry.
However, once in a relationship, whether in the Second Stage of Dating, Early Relationship Stage, when you have moved beyond Initial Attraction. Or for married or life partner couples as well. What is one of their essential needs?
To NOT Get Bored.
Oh not, most dreaded by so many in cultures in North America, European Union, and Australia.
Newness
We crave periodic introduction of elements of things which are NEW. They stimulate another section of our brain. We need some adrenaline surge or we feel bored and trapped. Yes, that craving can lead to marital infidelity, or it can lead to dating relationships breaking up.
However, to bring in elements of newness does not require bungee jumping levels of adrenaline. Walks on a stormy night can increase adrenaline and increase feelings of arousal, actually a touch of arousing fear, in a good way. And we will then associate and attach that to our partner.
Introducing a new entre at dinner periodically is necessary least we move into a food rut. However, couples actually require more newness than that. Yes, a new restaurant. Yes, a different vacation or weekend getaway destination. Perhaps some new hiking trails. Perhaps a Salsa Lesson and quick trip to RIO in Las Vegas. Or if you always go to Vegas, perhaps a ski trip to Tahoe next time. Read books. Share them with each other. Couples Communication Skills Workshops.
Even in these frugal times, you can introduce elements of newness into your couple. Picnics are free and so is hiking. Mix it up a bit.
Newness Frequency:
How often is necessary to introduce elements of newness into your couple?
Something significant at least once every 6 weeks. Maybe for you, every 4 weeks.
Small things can be introduced almost once every week or two. Food newnesses. Also, seasonal food changes.
We all need the stimulation. And when you do, you foster greater long term intimacy and continual growth in your couple and in each other. Making life and your relationship more intimately loving and fulfilling.
And isn’t that what we are all craving?
Happy Dating and Relationships!
Best Regards,
April Braswell
Yann Vernier says
April 18, 2009 at 9:22 AMWhat a brilliant post April. Our brain needs ‘novelty’ and you have a knack to show us how to apply this in our relationships. I guess that’s why you’re a dating expert!
All the best,
Yann
Anthony Lemme says
April 18, 2009 at 2:42 PMI keep trying and trying April. I hope this one posts. I had much good to say but have move on to the next. Let me know when/if you get this.
Kind Regards,
anthony
Lisa McLellan says
April 18, 2009 at 6:31 PMFabulous post! I love the psychology and pheramones stuff. All very interesting. And it is very tough keeping the “newness” after 20 years, but not impossible.
Lisa McLellan, TheBabysittingLady
jc mackenzie says
April 18, 2009 at 6:40 PMApril,
Still trying to post here
JC
jc mackenzie says
April 18, 2009 at 6:44 PMHey it worked. I posted yesterday but it got lost somewhere. I thought that you could likely attribute boredom as the root to many trials of a relationship-especially all the “urgencies
‘ that pull people in so many different directions.
Thanks
JC
Mesha Casper says
April 18, 2009 at 6:46 PMApril,
You are so right, I really enjoyed this blog; You are so informative and your ideas are great to implement in my own relationship. I as well as my husband have taken your advice and it has literally spiced up our relationship. Everyone can use a jolt sometimes and it is great to get out of auto pilot in my relationship. Even just holding hands on a walk when normally I wouldn’t make the effort to grab his hand has made us happier.
Thanks,
Mesha:)
Mitchell Rehaume says
April 18, 2009 at 7:39 PMApril,
This is a really good post. Sarah and myself like to spend weekends away from each other to build up that passion in our lives again.
Both of us came from previous long term relationships that went stale. We found that in our previous relationships we became buddy buddy with our partners and lost that passion for each other. Learning from our mistakes we try to keep things new and refreshed.
I look forward to advice on how to keep a relationship exciting when you factor your first born into it and how to keep things spiced up. 🙂
Mitch
April Braswell says
April 18, 2009 at 9:53 PMAnd I hear there is a new baby, so clearly you two must be doing something right romantically. Indeed, having time APART to keep freshness and the SPARK still there is ESSENTIAL. So is breathing room! I’m an extrovert and I LOVE my together time and I SO need my ALONE time. (I vant to be alone!)
Great to see your posts are getting through here!
David Power says
April 19, 2009 at 5:17 PMBeing in love is so wonderful!!!
David
Don Shepherd says
April 19, 2009 at 6:47 PMApril
You know i’m taking notes now that i’m getting back into the dating game.
thanks for doing all the research for me!
Don Shepherd