Dating Coaching for After 40 and Over 50 Singles: Stretch Your Social Circle
Dating in Your Forties and Fifties: Expand Your Circle of Friends
As a Dating Coach for Women After 40 and 50+, I coach single Baby Boomers to make efforts to expand their social circle and weave new people into their lives regularly. To build on my Boomer Dating Advice and Tips blog post from yesterday, studies repeatedly have shown that many married couples do meet through people they mutually know.
Singles in Their Forties and Fifties Experience the Peril of Social Shrinkage:
Well, what about the other side of that phenomena? That our social circle shrinks after 30 when our scores of single friends are often moving off into pair bondings (now I’m talking like the academics! lol!) and getting married. Your social support group of single friends is shrinking.
Your Personal Tribes and Social Circles Are Different in Your 20s and 30s:
When we were in high school and college, we literally were meeting and mingling with hundreds of people each day and our lifestyle centered around social and study events where we would casually interact often with many of those new people. It was easy to form a personal tribe when you were grad school, university and college. But what’s happening to your social circle now?
But life after 30, after 40, and over 50+ and that is pretty much NOT how our lives are structured. Ergo, the single Boomer who wants a life partner/marriage partner (your choice) often must make a concerted effort to BE MEETING new people and actually weave them into our social lives.
As one who is definitely a Socializer in the temperament charts, I will recommend you want a few of me in your life. We are the natural hostesses. We both naturally already have a number of good acquaintances and are also naturally creating small social gatherings which bring those people together informally.
After 40 and Over 50 Singles Meet for a First Date: Parameters and Guidelines
When you go on initial dates, I recommend Drinks and Appetizers for a Date 0 (Online Dating First Face to Face meeting) or simply any first date to be low key AND adult, not just a race to Starbucks with all the Mums and toddlers (not very romantic). If you find that the two of you don’t really have any chemistry, if they are well-groomed and nice, just no chemistry, aim to weave them into your social life. Often the more mature single, those over 40, 45 and 50+, does not take it personally that there is no chemistry. And will often be open to being woven into your life as a social acquaintance.
What to Do If Your After 40 and Over 50 Prospective Mate was a First Date Fail? Is all hope lost, now? Or could you do something different?
I would recommend saying something towards the end of the 60-90 mins I recommend for the Date 0 or First Date timeframe. Something gracious and clear like, “Bob, I have so enjoyed meeting and talking with you. I can see we share a passion for Hockey, and here it is Stanley Cup season! I just didn’t feel we were a match [Notice: gracious and clear. Don’t mislead him thinking it is a curtousy. It’s not.] However, I’m having a group of friends over Thursday night to watch the NHL Playoffs. I’d love it if you would join us. Who knows, maybe you’ll be a fit with one of my other friends. What do you think?”
Be sure to get his email address and send an Evite to him where he can see there are several others being invited as well. Just treat this like it is normal and gracious, and it will be.
For the 20 and 30 somethings, I was recently interviewed by and featured in the Kansas City Star/Ink periodical on Speed Dating Success in Kansas City by journalist and editor, Pamela Spencer.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Dating Expert and Relationship Coach
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
April Braswell is an expert columnist at DatingAdvice.com and speaks to singles in Singles Groups and Church Singles Ministries as well as Divorce Support Groups. Looking to Book April to speak at your Singles Event?
Mitchell Rehaume says
April 21, 2009 at 9:44 AMHi April,
This is a great post. If a person is single and they are in there 30’s but are a very introverted person what would your recommendations be to build up there social circle for dating?
Mitch
JJ Jalopy says
April 21, 2009 at 9:49 AMHi April!
I’d love to meet a few of you!
Perhaps we could clone you. We’d solve the world’s dating problems in a flash!
JJ Jalopy.
April Braswell says
April 21, 2009 at 3:07 PMHi Nikki,
thank you so much for reading my dating and relationship blog. I do appreciate it. Also, I am so glad you commented. I always enjoy becoming acquainted with who is reading my articles and blog so I can better serve them. May I ask a slightly indelicate question? What is your age, please? As ladies, I know we often do not want to directly reveal our precise YEAR. If you feel more comfortable with it, perhaps indicated, 20 something 30 something, 40 something, Baby Boomer (45-60). Whatever you are comfortable with.
I cover some of the emailing guidelines in my forthcoming book. Until it is out, I will just give you a foretaste. This man, have you already met in person and that is how he has your phone number and email? Or has it only been as of yet “meeting” at an internet dating site and no face-to-face meeting?
Please reply here, and I’ll give you a more guided answer.
For now, stop communicating with him. He clearly is not actually asking you out on a date and is for whatever reason (it really doesn’t matter) a Time Waster. Focus your attention and time on others who actually man up and ask you out.
Best regards,
April
Nikki says
April 21, 2009 at 7:34 PMHi April
Thanks so much – your advice is much appreciated. I guess it was something that I knew but it always helps when someone else validates it especially an internet dating expert such as yourself!
I am in my thirties – few years till I get to the forties……..
No we have not met in person, just on the site initially and then through email and text messaging….I originally thought maybe he was just wanting to get to know me better and slow is fine but now I find it strange especially when I find out he is actually going out on dates with other women…..so in essence he is going out with them and yet still texting me daily….its odd and I am totally confused.
April Braswell says
May 2, 2009 at 12:17 AMHi Nikki,
I only just now saw your reply.
In general, for online dating, the man needs to segue to asking you out on a Date 0 first date within 5 emails. 3-4 is better.
If he is spending all this time “getting to know you” online, he has not actually yet made any effort to demonstrate his masculine protection and provision by taking you on a date.
Avoid the pre-date no-date of answering all their questions about you online that are really better done IN PERSON on a date.
On a foundational level, I recommend all my clients start with
Moving On: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life
If you are in the SouthWest region of the US, I put on seminars where we do that, and then are better equipped for attracting love and new love into our lives.
Sort of a letting go and then moving on work.
THank you for reading my blog!
Best regards,
April Braswell