Dr. Kevin Hogan posed an interesting question and premise in the comments discussion the other day in my blog post about the After 50 Dating among Christians and Catholics looking for their Soul Mate. He posited, “It would seem that being Christian and over say 40 or 50 is an advantage vs. just being over 40 or 50. And by advantage I mean that people will find something they highly value in another. Is this the way it works out in the real world?”
And wouldn’t you know it? The answer is a little bit yes and a little bit no. While studies show that the faith in which you were raised you will likely retain your whole life, I have not seen studies which show the movement some people have within their faith.
What of Christians who move within denominations? With the increase moving and location migration that Americans now make over a lifetime, Christians will often start to look for a church of their precise faith when they move to a new home. But there may not be an exact match. So, sometimes they migrate to a non-denominational church.
A cradle Episcopalian may find herself drawn to the more “modern” style of the Christian Praise and Worship style of worship.
While a Conservative Baptist may find he loathes that kind of music and as his church moves to 100% of their services featuring that as the Senior Pastor who always used to include a few hymns retires and the younger style of worship takes over his church, he leaves for a local liturgical church that plays hymns. Then he misses the Baptist Men’s Bible study and simply looks to form one where he is. It’s interesting to see the Biblical Evangelical Christians moving from their churches to the more liturgical churches of the Episcopalians, Lutherans and Methodists. They often still retain their beliefs about “salvation” and “grace” which are at least somewhat different than liturgical churches.
So what then is the core of your faith which as a Christian or Catholic Single that you do indeed absolutely require in a Soul Mate to share with you? Sometimes it is no longer the label of your denomination which let’s say, 20 years ago, was THE short hand that you would have had in your Soul Mate’s Essential Traits list. (btw that list better be short or you’re dreaming about ideal people and not a person who is real)
So long as your beliefs about How You Get to Heaven are aligned and in essential agreement, a number of Christians and Catholic Singles are finding that they can accommodate a much broader range of variety and expression of religion in their Soul Mate. Funnily enough, we were more in a rut and more rigid about precisely what you had to be when we were younger. Often that is because we are also at the time planning on having children together and raising them. So more precisely alike values are more essential when you’re planning on raising children because you naturally want to raise them in an aligned parents who are in agreement and not usurping each other daily basis. Talk about a sure method for chaos at home.
What does that mean for you as a Single Christian or Single Catholic when you’re dating in the after 40, 50, and 60 dating pool? Reflect and know yourself. Really know your own values. You may find they have refined over time. Write and Journal about them a bit to know what are your core beliefs now. Be able to talk about them a bit, because you will need to be able to do so with your dates. And then, within that range of who and what is truly you, go exploring and looking for love. And keep a BIT of an open mind about precisely who and how God will place them crossing your path. You might be amused. Certainly at this time of year with Lent and Easter, there are more Adult Studies and Bible Studies Groups, and more services. Go to a few other churches.
Stretch open your mind and your heart, and love will fill it.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
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Reading Body Language says
April 13, 2011 at 4:58 PMApril your advice is priceless!!!
Reading Body Language
Sonya Lenzo says
April 13, 2011 at 5:05 PMApril, Your post today reminds me of an old Kathy cartoon. The first panel had Kathy journeling “what I want in a mate in my 20’s” and she wrote…He must be kind. Next panel she writes, in my 30’s….He must have a job and be cute.Next panel, in my 40’s, she writes, ..He must not have a lot of baggage, he must have a good 401K plan, he must have a house, a job AND be cute. Last panel….over 50….HE MUST BE KIND.
Sonya Lenzo
Neil Dhawan says
April 13, 2011 at 5:19 PMThis is really interesting and I am looking forward to what comes next!
All the best,
Neil
http://geneflora.com/test-your-knowledge/
Naomi Bettencourt says
April 13, 2011 at 6:18 PMActually writing down a list of Must Have Values is a great idea. By forcing yourself to do this, you will be able to really learn more about yourself, as well as fine-tune your love antennae!
Stay Cool!
Naomi Bettencourt
Sabrina Peterson says
April 13, 2011 at 6:40 PMI absolutely agree that having common beliefs, religious or otherwise (many of my friend are pagan, wiccan, atheist), makes for a great relationship. I personally could never have a lasting relationship with an atheist.
Sabrina Peterson, NASM CPT, CES
Trisha Chambers says
April 13, 2011 at 9:04 PMI believe that it is so much easier, when raising children especially, that your religions are the same. It makes it all the easier…..
Clare Delaney-Young says
April 14, 2011 at 12:54 AMApril, I like the concept of agreeing on ‘how you get to heaven’, that allows a lot more flexibility than just looking for someone in exactly the same religion. Good concept!
Clare
For Everything Eco-Friendly
Dewayne Chriswell says
April 14, 2011 at 1:32 AMApril,
Emo Philips has a great joke about a suicide jumper on a bridge that relates nicely to the whole religious, “Which denomination are you?” question. While having comparable basic tenets is critical for family harmony, the smaller, more inconsequential ones can get ridiculous and get in the way.
John Moulder says
April 14, 2011 at 4:15 AMDating as an older person need not be difficult I guess , if you are regularly mixing with people that hold similar values to your own.
dejar de fumar con Hipnosis Barcelona Valencia says
April 14, 2011 at 4:20 AMHi April!
I think it is a very good idea to consider not only the values but also the religious beliefs when looking for a partner. I don’t consider myself a very religious person but I can see myself having problems if I maybe had a partner that was.
Kevin Hogan says
April 14, 2011 at 5:21 AMCan’t wait to hear Creating Love.
Good point on intrafaith movement. That didn’t cross my mind. When I was an Adventist, I wouldn’t often consider marrying a Baptist even though the two denominations hold many similar beliefs.
Thanks for an insightful and thought provoking answer!
Jennifer Battaglino says
April 14, 2011 at 6:23 PMGreat discussion. I still find it so great that you discuss intrafaith relationships. I remember the first time someone told me that they like to attend Sunday services between 3 different churches they’ve found over the years. I was so pleasantly surprised by the openess of the practice. How well it would serve everyone to be so open.
Jen Battaglino
Personalized Empowerment – What’s Your One Thing?
Steve C says
April 15, 2011 at 1:04 AMFrom birth to 18 a woman needs good parents. From 18 to 28 she needs good looks. From 28-38 she needs a good marriage and from 39 on she needs cash.
Steve C
G.E. Moon II says
April 16, 2011 at 10:21 AMWe can all benefit from the act of stretching open our minds and hearts and filling them with love.
Yours In Health!
G.E. Moon II
http://www.abundanthealthcenter.com/item/Who-Are-You-Choosing-To-Be-57
Michael D Walker says
April 16, 2011 at 10:04 PMYour advice to really make sure you know which values are most important to you & your faith is fantastic.
Michael