Internet Dating Expert Advice: If You Look Young, Is It OK for You to Lie About Your Age in Your Online Dating Profile to Get More Attention from Prospects?
Los Angeles Area Singles Seem to Be Habitually Lying About Their Age in Their Dating Profile, Is This OK to Do, too?
Online Dating Profile Advice – How to Manage Your Age in Your Profile When You Look Great for Your Age:
Singles email me and ask me also in person at my Singles Dating Classes in Los Angeles, “Is it ok to lie about your age in your internet dating profile?” Quite often, the singles who ask this are typically over 40 and 50 years old and some in their early 60s, are in great shape, and look young for their age. Their challenge is they don’t want potential dating partners who are searching by the age range search criteria to pass them by. If people were to meet them in face-to-face life, they would take them for younger then they are and date well. They are looking for the same thing at the online dating sites.
Computer Dating Profile Advice – It’s Not Fair To Have To Cite Your Age Online When You Look Great In Person
If you don’t cite your true age in you web dating profile or singles app bio, then the problem with this question is that you are lying online. Now, yes, it’s not fair. Yes, I agree. It’s not fair. You look simply fabulous for your age. You look years younger than your peers. It’s not fair that if your prospective dates meet you first in person they would think you are probably mid-30s. You simply are benefiting from your youthful good looks. In person, by looking young and vital, you are leveraging your attractiveness and charisma. You’re not lying by looking good in person.
Online Dating Profile Advice – The Problem When You Lie About Your Age in Your Internet Dating Profile
However, it’s a problem to online. Why? Because to lie about your age in your internet dating profile is a whole other thing. You are overtly lying. With my professional sales and marketing background, I am all about positioning the truth as favorably as possible. Being single women, we understand using all the tools of beauty, fitness, health, hair, and make-up to look our best. However, that is looking our best. We are not lying when we wear lipstick. We are not lying when we color enhance our hair with a color treatment. We are not lying when we were marvelous lingerie that displays our feminine figures to their best advantage.
What is your goal in going online? Why are you posting at the internet personals ads? When you answer that question with, “April, I want to get married. I want a loving life partner relationship with someone I can really share my life with.” Then when you lie about your age in your online dating profile, should your relationship go past the first few dates and actually develop into that life partner relationship you want, at some point you will have to TELL THEM, “I lied to you.”
Who likes to hear, “I lied to you”?
Raise your hand.
Yeah, not many takers.
There are little white lies. There are lies of omission. There are lies of where we really thought one thing and another person has a different perspective.
Lying about your age in your online dating profile, however, is overt lying. Overt lying means that you specifically, consciously, and intentionally lied to another person.
When you specifically and intentionally lie to another person at the start, that is the foundation for your romantic relationship. When your relationship progresses and you start to share more of yourself and your life with them, you will at some point need to tell them the truth. When you do tell them the truth, the problem is, in the back of their mind, they will start to wonder, “What else are they lying to me about?” Even if you and they even think that age is such a small factor, and it is really not an important detail. And it is not that important a detail. However, your character attribute of “Being Truthful” just became, “Overtly Lies.” Your relationship will suffer. You will have sabotaged the development of your mutual trust. Your partner will be wondering and wondering. The question, “Where else are they lying to me?” will simply always be niggling in the back of their brain and bother them.
When it comes to online dating it is simply better to practice the character attribute of “Being Truthful.” Then all the dates you meet from internet dating have a good foundation and you can see if they develop into a lasting love relationship. To do otherwise sabotages them from the get go.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Midlife Online Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
karol says
July 28, 2010 at 10:40 AMI say lie by a few years and clear it up when you think it’s really some one you want to know.
Why? Men are often pretty shallow and cut women off early. I mean this.
If it’s a few years, why not.
Greg S. says
July 29, 2010 at 12:33 PM“Lying about your age in your online dating profile, however, is overt lying. Overt lying means that you specifically, consciously, and intentionally lied to another person.”
AKA Bullsh*t
Richard says
September 12, 2010 at 12:38 PMI am in this position right now – I posted 35 as my age because I saw so many women make a cut off at 35 for guys they were looking for, I am 38 in real – now I’ve met (first date today after many many emails) someone I think could be Miss Right and this is on my conscience in a big way.
I think I will tell her tomorrow and try to make it light-hearted. The irony is her “cutoff” age for a guy is 38 so it just happens that it was my generic profile – not a specific communication with her – that has created this issue.
I feel terrible reading all these comments and fear that even if she is totally relaxed that my negative feelings about her suspecting what else might not be truthful will interfere somewhat.
It is true what one comment says above that in real life I don’t get overlooked for being 38 because I don’t appear it whereas on the internet I feel I do because the number is presented so immediately and without persona.
Its a bit of a mess – she will have told her family and her friends I am 35. Well I am going to get it done tomorrow – at least it will be within 24 hours of actually meeting her face to face.
I agree with general recommendations – don’t lie about it and then you can just get on with enjoying your dating.
Definitely regretting it now and not looking forward to the conversation tomorrow.
We learn by our mistakes…!
April Braswell says
September 13, 2010 at 9:50 AMHi Richard,
Thank you for stopping by my dating tips blog and commenting. Oh my goodness, see what I mean? It’s so true. These little fudges we do. How did it go? Please do chime in here and let me know.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April
Peter says
December 24, 2010 at 8:04 AMApril, I do agree with you that lying would be a problem for me. How could I ever trust her again if she lies to me from the start?
Dee says
January 29, 2011 at 11:42 PMI don’t think such a big deal should be made about age… there are bigger lies a person could tell in my opinion. If a person really likes or loves that person they would accept them and their trust shouldn’t diminish because of such a small lie that was told in an online dating site of all places, a place where very few are saints or who are taking the dating seriously. Mostly it’s the younger people who are on these sites anyway and they are just ‘casually looking’. Anyway my point is live life without regrets and don’t make love so complicated because of little lies. A relationship is work and there are much bigger things to worry about in one!
Katelan says
March 6, 2011 at 3:47 AMlooking young is good for women but lying is not good for a relationship, ever.
Paul says
August 23, 2011 at 7:30 PMI’ve been dating with a 65 years old fancy self talking professional writer who lied about her age to start with. I’m kinda curious when and how she’s going to tell me the truth.
martin says
December 10, 2011 at 1:52 PMWhen you reach over 40, and then 45 like I have you WILL become more invisible on an dating site. knock a year or 2 off but add a line in your profile giving your real age with a line saying someething like – ‘ oh by the way I didn’t want to get overlooked by you girls/guys who search with strict limits’. So if they do go on to date they agree with your reasoning. No lie to live!
rhadee says
January 30, 2012 at 2:19 PMdefinitely Lie!! To say a female does not lie when wearing makeup is ridiculous. You never really get what you see. That’s why they call it make up! To make up for what is not really there! Fake hair is a lie…Fake eyelashes are a lie…a booty bra…fake chest..fake height with high heels..spanxs for a fake shape?? U name it ..its all a freakin lie ..so one good lie deserves another!!! I say …Lie Like A Rug!!!!
Amy Richards says
May 29, 2012 at 9:30 PMI lie about my age on-line. I am 49, but list my age as 44. Unfortunately, we don’t have the advantage of being seen in person (if we look much younger than our age) in an on-line environment. Since I am past the age of being able to have children, I am careful to only respond to men who are not interested in having more children (even though 44 is at the way outer edge of childbearing as well). I’ve told all the men I met in person my real age on the first date. They’ve all gone out with me again and have said to me (when questioned) they would not have found me on-line if I had used my real age because they set their upper limit age search criteria at 45. I rest my case.
Michael says
October 20, 2012 at 2:27 PMWhat a crappy society we live in that we all define each other by our age.
In days past we defined each other by the color of our skin. Today, we define each other by the number of times we have been around the sun.
Having to list our age on a dating site is as insulting as having to drink out of a separate fountain because our skin is too dark.
desiree says
March 15, 2014 at 8:15 PMI agree with Michael. Sites that make women state their age are doing it so men can cull for younger women. Its an overt form of discrimination. Who cares how old you are, and why does it matter? We are as old as we feel; Certainly there are better ways to define ourselves than age. When will discrimination against women on dating sites end? No woman should have to reveal her age, her weight, how much money she makes. It used to be considered rude and invasive to ask such questions. Men want to date younger women, and the dating sites are set up for them.
Look go to Our Time. Women can join and be any age. So what is an older man going to do? Always, always ignore the women his age in favor of the prize, even if the older woman is young and beautiful looking.
I try to keep myself looking vibrant. People mistake me, hell my boyfriend says, I only date women who look 10-15 years younger than they are. Well that defines me! I work hard to look young..
How about websites asking instead for our BIOLOGICAL age…to me that’s what we should really want to know.
Chopra’s enlightened dating site, doesn’t ask for age. Its discrimination in its worst form. Women shouldn’t be forced to lie to get a date. I work hard to look good…why should I be discriminated against by sites who bully women.
Its not a lie to state your biological age!!!
Dana says
March 15, 2016 at 1:06 PMPlease email me your comment. I’m in my late sixties.When ever I meet a new woman or man in person and they ask my age and I tell them, they almost always say, “Oh Come on, seriously, what is your age?” So I laugh with them and tell them I’m 58 and they day, “yep, that’s about what I thought.” ALL of my woman friends tell me to lie on my site. They say, “There is no way you look like all those old men in their late 60s…you are so young and full of energy, tell her after you meet her.” I’ve had 3 girlfriends in 8 years, and I love them all and we are all still close friends, just not complete matches for marriage. Everyone of them read my profile where I stated 8 years younger, and they all said, “I don’t care at all, you are so young and totally full of energy.
I met one woman in person through a friend. She was 45. The first meeting we danced for hours and couldn’t stop kissing. At the end of the night she said to me, “I think I’m falling for you already.” The next day she called and we set up a date. In that call she asked, “How old are you.” I told her and there was dead silence. The next day she left a message on my recording with a very shaky voice, “I’m so sorry I can’t see you, are age is too different.” Additionally, I went to a friend that is a Clinical Therapist. I told him the dilemma, “If I post may age, most of the woman that write me are in their 70s, hair dos, nothing in common, look like one’s grandma, very matronly, and a total turnoff. When I post my age as 58 I get tons of email from woman from 55 and early 60s…the perfect ages for me.” The therapist said, give them the younger age and when you meet them tell them right away. It seems to me that if you tell them your age you’ll never meet anyone, and if you can at least meet them, if they love your energy and looks and chemistry you might find your life partner.
So here is my question that was not answered in any of your posts. “How can one write in their dating profile to let a potential date that they are an honest person, as I am, in a real bind so that the potential date will want to meet them when they see my photos taken within a few months as they would if my birthday was list younger?” And if not listed on the dating site, what would be the most defusing way to tell the woman you meet right away that you lied and why so she felt compassion not anger?
Kevin says
March 16, 2018 at 6:38 AMI seem to be having a similar problem. As a male who is 50 years old I’m constantly told I look 35 not even 40 I have zero wrinkles. When I list my age as 50 on a dating website I have women responding 52 to 65 years old. I ride a Harley I’m very athletic I’m constantly going. I drink so much water to keep me young and healthy. I agree with many of the responses above, online people put their cut off at a certain age. I’ve seen men 38 that look like there are 55 so I understand people putting a cut off age just because they don’t want to go out with your dad. And when I say go out with their dad I’m talking about the complete person how they act, look, carry them self. Not to be vain but the same for myself. If I go out to dinner with a woman who is even my age but he has not aged gracefully or later in life decided to start taking care of herself it looks like she’s robbing the cradle being out with me. So that’s my predicament. One note… to all the people who said that they did go on dates with somebody and they had to break the truth to them or they had to find someway to let them know about the lie of younger age on their profile, unfortunately we’re missing the point they did get to go out on a date with someone. I have been completely single for 18 months. Time is too precious to waste so I go to theme parks alone the movies alone I do everything alone. It seems there would be a better way.
Dave says
March 23, 2018 at 2:30 PMSorry but wearing makeup, high heels, wearing girdles, taking photos looking up at the camera to hide fat is lying.
You can lie to yourself that it isn’t but it is.
I will continue shaving several years off my age because women
are lying all the time about the above AND their age on dating sites.
April Braswell says
July 7, 2018 at 8:08 PMHi Dave,
Thanks for stopping by my dating advice and tips blog and chiming in. Make up is lying? Wow. Haven’t heard that sort of mind set since the 1910s when flappers made the wearing of make up fashionable. However, sobre gusta no hay disputas. Certainly, I encourage my coaching ladies to wear make up and dress in a flattering manner to look their best but not to lie about their age. Still, I do know there are those who do. The point is to get to meet in person and then the difference of a few years can’t matter, but starting out by overtly lying may stick for many singles.
After your 5 years lie in your profile, have you found that resulted in attracting a LTR?
Which sites do you like to use to meet women?
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April
Dave says
November 11, 2018 at 6:14 PMI shave 5 years off. Most people that think they look younger really do not I have found though. I am lucky, good genes, no sun, and proper nutrition and exercise. Don’t knock years off if you really do not look younger. Be honest with yourself. But yes, do if you do. 🙂
April Braswell says
November 17, 2018 at 2:03 AMHi Dave, thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting. The lie about your age problem is that once you meet and actually date, 5 years is a big difference. Both men and women wonder then what else you might be not telling the truth about. And with all of the press that the small percentage of folks at the quality dating sites doing catfishing, singles are hyper vigilante right now about “the truth.” But if you’re not looking for a LTR/Life Partner relationship potentially, then lying in your profile doesn’t have the same importance.
Certain metro areas with big Acting communities in them (LA, NY, LV) all have a ton of pressure about age vs. looks. So much so that it was a running joke in “Hot in Cleveland” about how the girls were always lying about their ages in LA because of the age bias there.
What metro area are you in, may I ask?
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April