Integrity in Dating: How to Handle Your Marital Status in Your Online Dating Profile Single Never Married

Integrity in Dating: How to Manage Your Marital Status in Your Internet Matchmaking Profile When You Are Single Never Married

Or What’s the Problem with Being SINGLE at a Singles Site?

Are you one of the millions of singles looking for love online at one of the thousands of internet dating sites?  If you regularly read my dating and relationship blog, or have attended one of my Internet Dating Workshops in Los Angeles, than you have likely heard my #1 Dating Rule.  What is my #1 Dating Rule you might ask?

Do Not Lie in Your Dating Profile.

You can position the truth as favorably as possible, but not outright overt lying or falsification of information in your dating profile.

And you might be thinking, hey, the internet dating sites are all about singles meeting and dating filled with people who are single and looking for a relationship.  So what’s the problem with being SINGLE at a Singles Site?

You went online.  You selected a singles dating site that appealed to you and what you desire in a relationship.  You’re filling the details and clicking the right boxes at the internet dating site Profile Creation Area.  And you come to MARITAL STATUS.  Naturally, because you’re single and have never been married, you click the check box next to  Single Never Married.  Yeah.  Because that’s the truth.  And then you blithely publish your profile.  Your photos and text get approved.  And you start emailing with PDs (Potential Dates).

And then it starts. You find that a lot of the PDs you approach emailed simply aren’t writing you back.  Or the ones that do seem to be grilling you and conducting your deposition before they’ll even really email with you and consider meeting for a First Date.  What seems to be the problem here?

Why? Because you are over 40 years old with a Single Never Married Status.  It’s even tougher for those who are over 50 years old in the After 40 Dating and After 50 Dating groups and Single Never Married.

In particular, because MARITAL STATUS is a quick and easy attribute click box, it is a database item which singles at the site can quickly and easily filter out.  It’s akin to getting the Online Dating Cold Shoulder.  It can be a little tough when you’re the one in the romantic role of doing more the approach receiving the way that women still often are.  However, men report some real challenges this way, too.

So what can you?  Should you consider lying about your age in your online dating profile?  What about maybe lying that you’re Divorced and then simply tell someone you like at the First Date?

No, nope, never.  Overt lying always leaves people with a bad taste in their mouth.  And once they discover you’ve been overtly lying to them online and for the couple of weeks it took from initial email to the First Date, then they will be furious. Livid even.

They will simply always be wondering, “What ELSE is this person lying to me about?”  Because they now know that Overt Lying is OK to you.  This is never a good foundation for a relationship.  It can simply never work out well for you.

Is there another option?  Is there a creative solution to this challenge?

Yes, there is.  In all likelihood, if you are in your 40s or 50s, you have had perhaps at least 1 or 2 significant romantic relationships.  Alternatively, you might be a late bloomer, or have been seriously dedicating yourself to your career or perhaps to your family like Susan Boyle did.

Lead with that in your profile.  Lead with what you dedicated yourself in life to up until now.  And then offer a segue phrase that is soft explanation without putting yourself on the defensive where you are stuck having to explain yourself now. “… and now finding a meaningful relationship really matters to me…”

If you were in a Committed Relationship that just wasn’t “Marriage,” then you are welcome to say that in your profile.  “The piece of paper didn’t matter to us…” Some phrase like that.  If you feel differently now, then you are welcome to also say a little something alluding to that in your profile.  “… over time, my attitude changed….”

By leading with how you’ve been leading your life up until now, you paint your dating portrait with broad brush strokes and put your PDs at ease.  I firmly believe there is someone for everyone who wants a relationship.  Look for what you want and do aim to get to the First Date.  Once you two have met, what matters most – is there in-person attraction and life path alignment – will direct the two of you.   Not a database click box attribute.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell

Dating and Relationship Expert

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition

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