Dating Again After Divorce Dilemmas: Looking for Love a Second Time Round Online
With the move of Online Dating well into mainstream singles dating in the past few years, indeed leading to many marriages, including ones cited in TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta,” singles of all categories are going online looking for love. Never everyone who is seeking love online is 28 years old and Single Never Married. Many singles after 35 and over 40 have already walked down the aisle once and are now divorced and looking for love again.
That means that many of the singles seeking love online at the internet matchmaking sites, quite a large number are divorced status single men and women. Current United States Divorce Rates show marriages ending in Divorce at or around 50% of the time. Online Dating sites can be great singles meeting areas for singles looking for love a second time round, dating again now after their divorce.
However, when you’re single and have been married before, that places you in certain like to your fellow singles. You are not just “Single.” You are a “Divorced Single.” Additionally, repeatedly Divorce Single Men have reported to me that the single women online are often in these hyperanalytical modes of scrutinizing the dating profiles of the single men at the internet dating sites and will either email them or outright boldly put them under the microscope on the First Date.
Single women are asking the Divorced Single Men, “Why did your marriage fail?” Even before they have met, have shaken hands, shared a glass of a beverage and conversed comfortably to even vet to establish in-person chemistry, the Divorce Deposition is being smacked down on the table like a 50 page Qualifying Questionnaire.
Framing the question like that doesn’t serve to open the conversation and become better acquainted. It can on serve to put the Divorced Single Men on the defensive. That can never foster an atmosphere of romance, attraction, and chemistry on the First Date. And then the singles are throwing their hands up in the air uttering, “Online Dating just doesn’t work!”
Single Divorced Women can have just as challenging a position. Quite often single women when divorced can feel a loss or diminishing of their feeling like an attractive, appealing and alluring woman. Additionally, if she has kids from her first marriage, she is juggling all the responsibilities of a full-time work career plus the responsibilities of being a Single Mom and Single Parent.
How does she find and afford a baby sitter? What about the time and energy just to look for love online and offline? Resting enough and de-stressing sufficiently to feel feminine and alluring so she can flirt with the single guys she meets?
All too often I see a problem in the Divorced Singles Dating profiles where they fall prey to one of two Divorced Dating Profile Disasters and Dilemmas. The Divorced Single might place too strong an emphasis on their ex-spouse in their profile and explain what a wonderful or dreadful divorce they have. Or they devote too much Profile Real Estate to defining themselves as a Single Dad or Single Mom and how wonderful and important their children are to them.
Of course your children are important to you. However, do not emphasize that attribute of yours in your Divorced Single Dating Profile. You want to paint a picture a little bit of the kind of Romantic Relationship Partner you would be for your PDs, Prospective Dates.
To do otherwise hobbles your chances at navigating successfully to the First Date and charting the waters into Dating Courtship.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
RELATED DATING ARTICLES
Should You Lie About Your Age in Your Online Dating Profile?
Online Dating Faux Pas in “Happily Divorced”
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Sonya Lenzo says
April 17, 2012 at 12:44 PMDivorce questionaire smack down! Oh my!! You can always tell the bitter ones, the ones who really have not gotten over that last relationship and are going to make the next person suffer for it. Hand them a card with the details on how to order Lifestorms and move on…
Sonya Lenzo
Octavio says
April 17, 2012 at 1:09 PMApril,
Thanks for your valuable advice.
Internet singles dating is a topic I didn´t realize before.
All the best,
Octavio
PS. Lapiceros Cross en Lima, Peru
Lyle R. Johnson says
April 17, 2012 at 3:18 PMGood expose on some of the “on-line” interrogators … could be funny, but mostly pathetic.
Regards,
Lyle
Michael D Walker says
April 17, 2012 at 4:25 PMGood reminders for singles and divorced people looking to try online dating.
Michael
Thorne Smith Ebooks
Jc MacKenzie says
April 17, 2012 at 5:00 PMA divorced single is going to have history that a “28 year old single” simply would not be able to have. Having been away from the dating arena for some time, it didn’t occur to me. It seems to me that it would be particularly hard to explore a new relationship possibility: especially if that person has been deeply hurt and not anxious to repeat the process.
Which is why they would need some very special help.
Like you. 🙂
Be Well.
Jc
Dan says
April 17, 2012 at 8:46 PMGreat point about over promoting how dedicated you are to your kids when you are attempting to develop a relationship
Neil Dhawan says
April 17, 2012 at 8:55 PMHi April,
Okay, I don’t have to worry about this, but you bring up some great points. First, leading off a date with why the marriage ended cannot be a good way to start … I’m feeling defensive about the question and I’m not even divorced. Seeing I have gone through online dating profiles, you’ve hit the nail on the head about the two ways divorced singles come across … either about the marriage or the kids. Great tips – very helpful!
Stay Amazing, Neil
Cherie Miranda says
April 17, 2012 at 9:17 PMGreat advice! I’m glad you’re continuing this series on dating relationships.
Cherie Miranda
Meditation for Happiness
Annie Born says
April 18, 2012 at 1:05 AMIntegrity in Dating! Awesome!
You will have to write a book about it!
Looking forward to tomorrow!
Suzanne Laramore says
April 18, 2012 at 6:13 AMYou really do think of things that no one else seems to report to dating singles.
Thanks April!
Shane Aric says
April 18, 2012 at 7:02 AMIt is an interesting topic, definitley on the minds of the dating crowd.
I little twist I can add to this.
Driving home the other day I was scanning the radio stations and it stopped on a channel talking about dating and divorce.
Almost all the women who called in said they would prefer to date a man who had been divorced because it shows they aren’t scared to take the plunge and make a commitment.
And that if they are single and have never been married that it is kinda weird at which time they mentioned all the possiblities as to why they had been single all this time. Some very rude I might add. 😉
Anyways I thought I would add this little twist. Great article once again!
Margarita says
April 18, 2012 at 8:18 AMAoril,
I have been wondering if it is possible to develop a relationship or even fall in love without physically seeing the person. Divorced singles have to be careful with promoting themselves. They have to completely drop he old backpack, but provide the information that it has been there. Very sophisticated subject.
Lyle R. Johnson says
April 18, 2012 at 2:25 PMGood points; divorced singles must leave the “baggage” at the curb. The term for what happens when they continue to carry the baggage is “disaster” (I wonder why he said that?)
Regards,
Lyle
Peter Tamosaitis says
April 18, 2012 at 3:10 PMI sympathise with those trying to date after again after a certain age. A middle aged version of fumbling youth. Hope it never happens to me, but if it does, I know where to come for advice.
Keep up the good work.
Regards Peter
Sabrina says
April 18, 2012 at 5:44 PMHmmm, I just had a conversation with a friend a couple of days ago and he is meeting women our age (early to mid 40s) who don’t want to date him because he’s divorced but has his daughters half the time. This includes divorced women and women who have never been married. How do you hand this dilemma in a dating profile?
Sabrina Peterson, NASM CPT, CES
Jc MacKenzie says
April 18, 2012 at 6:49 PMInteresting that I am hearing more of relationships that got started online. A few that didn’t work but some that did.
Interesting to see the stats on this in ,say, 5-10 years.
Be Well.
Jc
G.E. Moon II says
April 18, 2012 at 7:32 PMIntegrity in on-line dating and long term relationships is paramount to success. Thank you for the gentle reminder to always maintain the highest level of integrity.
Yours In Health!
G.E. Moon II
Plant Based Enzymes
Dr. Wendy Schauer, D.C., R.K.C. says
April 18, 2012 at 7:38 PMNever lie as it usually will come back to bite you. Maybe getting professional advice with this issue would be the best bet.
Yours In Health!
Dr. Wendy
Reclaim Your Health Fitness and Vitality
Kevin Hogan says
April 19, 2012 at 2:12 AMWhy do people start questioning the people that they are looking for for a date, before they even see each other face to face?
Mark Hogan
Learn to read body language.
Bryan says
April 22, 2012 at 11:40 AMSeemed like trickey waters to navigate…but that’s why I come here for the advice of the best dating expert out there..
Sales Expert