Singles Social Scene: Shopping for a Mate Could Lead to a Mini Date if you come prepared!
Leverage the Law of Large Numbers, Influence and Persuasion Laws Applied to Your Romantic Social Life
The Thanksgiving Holiday Shopping Madness offers singles some fun opportunities to continue to exploit the Law of Large Numbers. Now, I absolutely love and adore Thanksgiving and embrace the (still, PTL, keeping my fingers crossed for this life to see it still kept intact) non massively commercialization of the holiday. So I am not either one of those peeps who cuts out of the family Thanksgiving festivities early before everyone has had a chance to kick back, take a small walk or other family exercise traditions (some families play tag football!) between The Eating of The Turkey and The Eating of The Desserts. Nor was I one years ago in the retail brick and mortar stores dark ages when folks would road trip it to the City (San Francisco, New York, Boston, you get the idea) and make a day of it to get in line early for Black Friday. There’s Large Numbers and then there’s just mass hysteria.
The idea for singles to exploit here is not always having to spend extra buckage ($$$) to attend a ton of events which may or may not offer opportunities to mix and mingle socially. Look for activities or just errands we are already doing (Daters Mindset applied) and maximize those for their socializing prospects.
Massively large crowds like they have at Times Square on New Years Eve are just too dense to leverage. They are like a solid mass and it’s just simply too crowded and tense to foster good feelings and opportunities for socializing.
So instead, think of Shop Small Saturday (Shop Small Businesses Saturday of Thanksgiving Weekend) #ShopSmall #SmallBusinessSaturday, or as I like to think of it, Shop Local Saturday (and Sunday!). Saturday and Sunday, the deals are still good and people are still out an about shopping. They may now be replenishing the fresh produce to augment all the luscious leftovers from Thanksgiving. So, do think of strolling through you local grocery store. Also think of you local medium sized malls which are manageable. I’m here in SoCal where we have a ton of malls which are at least half strip malls because we can walk in and out of stores and mill around year round with our temperatures.
Look for malls which have some stores where you imagine that men and women in their 30s 40s and 50s might actually be shopping for things for themselves as well as presents for friends and family for the holidays. Aim to shop at malls featuring at least a few nice coffee places or a dessert shop which secondarily serves coffee so that once you break the ice with someone, you two could just casually segue to an immediate cup of coffee.
You already know to wear and how to leverage a Conversation Starter to help break the ice with strangers with ease, right? If not, read my article on Wearing a Conversation Starter.
You want to strike now while the iron is hot and segue to coffee immediately if at all possible because the brevity of your chance meeting is too small to make into a full fledged date another time. The two of you need to become just a little bit better acquainted, but not making this occasion either into a full fledged coffee date. Think to aim for about 15-20 minutes with this person.
With that scenario developed in the back of your mind, it is perfectly easy, natural, and normal to utter, “Wow! It sure is busy shopping today. I just need to get off my few for a few minutes and enjoy a cup of coffee. Care to join me? I was thinking of the Peets just around the corner there? What do you think?”
Note my emphasizing “for a few minutes.” You’ve just let this complete stranger know you’re not asking for a full 1 hour plus long coffee date. You not trying to make this massively into something it’s not yet. All you’re doing is aiming to become briefly better acquainted with them. Your saying this helps to put them at ease.
Even with the busy holiday shopping, short of their having their 3 small children or grandchildren in tow, they can take 20 minutes, sit down, and have a bottle of fizzy water or herbal tea if coffee in the afternoon is not their thing.
If your Potential Date seems interested and not just merely polite, but they just can’t break away for a coffee, you don’t have to throw your hands up in defeat and think this was a completely wasted opportunity.
Come both equipped with the Little Plan to invite for short cup of coffee, a mini-date. And come equipped with a simple personal card, which you can then hand them if they demure being too too terribly busy to break for coffee, and utter, “Oh well, maybe another time for that cup of coffee. Here’s my card.”
Now, gentlemen, the PUAs are not recommending this tactic, but they have a different goal in mind. Men who give the lady their card first create safety for her. Then she can always femininely respond to your masculine advances and return by giving you her business card and say, “Oh yes. I’d like that. Today I’m just swamped. Maybe tomorrow afternoon after shopping?” Or Monday after work. Some day within a few days soon. Not 10 days from now. The initial connection will have completely died by then. Aim for about within 24-72 hours. This is not The Rules and it’s not a weekend night date. This is a pre DATE mini-Date.
If you’re the lady, and you gave him your personal card, if he’s interested, he’ll either give you his own card or scramble slightly (yes, even men in their 50s and 60s with lower testosterone driving them if interested will scramble slightly) to get a piece of paper or use the back of another one of your cards.
Men, yes, bring business cards and a pen with you always, so if your office cell number is on your business card but your personal cell number is not, you can then use your pen to jot your number down on it. Ask for her number as you give her your card. “Here’s my number, so you know it’s me. Could I get your number, too, so I can take you out for that cup of coffee and just get better acquainted.” Something like that. If you have a personal card, great. If your personal cell number is on your business card, great. Just, make it a little more of a personal gesture by circling it in PEN and saying something like, “My personal cell is this number. That way you know it’s me when I call to schedule for that cup of coffee.” You could text her to schedule. I’d be ok with that because you manned up in person and asked for the coffee date live. Texting to fine tune schedules is fine which you’ll see I say in my dating seminars.
Now both single women and men are equipped with a Little Plan to meet people while shopping and can make something of those chance encounters without making it into too big a deal which could too easily scare a Potential Date off.
Happy Holidays!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April
April Braswell is an expert columnist at DatingAdvice.com and speaks to singles in Singles Groups and Divorce Support Groups as well as at Singles Dating Workshops and Singles Conferences. Looking to Hire April to speak at your Singles Event?
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