As a recognized dating expert helping both single guys and single women to get more dates and enjoy better dates, a frequently asked question I get via twitter (@AprilBraswell), email, facebook, and here at my blog is, “What’re some tips you can give me for a great First Date?”
Making Your First Date Great: It’s All Up to You
The best ways to have a terrific First Date are fairly simple and precise. How you feel about dating is expressed by your attitude and comes through in your body language in your courteous behavior and attractive manner of dress and personal grooming. Pulling these altogether can make all the difference between making it dud date or great! It’s up to you. It’s your choice.
Dating Success Tip 1: Have a Great First Date Attitude
First of all, your first date starts before the actual date. How was the messaging exchange if you two met via an online dating site. In this 21st century Web 2.0 world (yes, I worked with the Web 2.0s in the early days in Silicon Valley), many many singles are meeting via internet dating sites. Some singles do still meet and ask each other out on dates having met in-person. What you both said, messaged, texted, and did before you meet for the date will already establish The Mental Frame for a great First Date experience.
First Date Positive Dating Mindset
Dating Mindset Single Guys:
Are you worried that taking her out will crimp your entertainment budget for this week? You might end up being tense during the date, sending bad body language flirting signals to your date who feels you just weren’t that interested in her and turns off of you.
Positivity Attitude for Single Women:
Are you over-excited hoping and wondering if he will be, “The One?” Single guys can feel it when women on are the marriage relationship prowl. On the First Date that romantic over aggressiveness is just too much pressure and too smothering.
If that is either of your attitude and how you approach First Dates in your mind, it is time to switch up your internal dialogues. Dr. Maxie Maultsby, Jr. of RBT Rational Behavior Therapy teaches, “To feel better, you must first think better.” It’s as simple as that.
Instead decide to think, “I believe that First Dates are fun! I am about to spend an evening getting to meet and become acquainted with a new wonderful person! I wonder what is special about them? I will have to find out!”
First Date Tip 2: Do Dress for Dating Success
Have you seen all the internet dating profile pix taken with the person standing in jeans and tshirt, disheveled hair, facing their bathroom mirror, using their smart phone? Made quite an impression on you didn’t it? And now picture how Barack and Michelle Obama dresses. Michelle Obama and her classic dressing with a marvelous touch of style is about as trendsetting and simply elegant as 1960s fashion trendsetter first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy.
Whatever your political leaning, you have to admit they look pretty good, don’t they? Yah think how Michelle Obama dressed helped her to create and establish the rapport with Queen Elizabeth that she was allowed to break Royal Personage Protocol and touch the Queen of England? Do you think she could have done that dressed in a sloppy manner wearing grungy jeans and tshirt?
Dress to Look Your Best to Make Your First Date Great
Treat yourself like royalty and a world class leader, and dress to look your best. Guys, this means in most cases, a suit, a sports jacket, dress slacks, sharp shoes. Look spiffy. Wearing a necktie on your first date makes a powerful statement. You don’t have to wear them all the time. However, some single women have an unwritten rule that they won’t date and pursue a relationship with a man who won’t wear neckties. By wearing one on your first date, you take care of that. You can wear your sharpest business casual for your second and third dates. Ladies, aim for a look uniquely feminine to establish contrast with how your date is dressed. Wear a skirt or dress. You want to aim for a “Classy Sexy” tone.
First Date Success Tip 3: Do Show Up On Time
With so many singles living in metropolitan areas, there is always the traffic and commute traffic variables. It is a running joke in Southern California in Los Angeles and Orange County that there is always an accident on the the 405. Be sure to know the route you will take to your date and leave plenty of time to get there. It is even better still to plan to arrive early.
You show the greatest respect and honor to your date and yourself when you arrive early and are on-time for your date.
If you live in a metro area like New York or Los Angeles where evening parking can be a challenge, you know there will be valet parking. Yes, it will cost something. Phone the restaurant where you two will be meeting and find out what it costs. Plan for that cost as part of the cost of the date. Use valet parking. Do not keep your date waiting 45 minutes thinking she will wait for you. When you do that, you are telling her, I value your precious time less than the cost of a valet. Yes, you will create a lasting first impression. It won’t be the one you want.
It is the 21st century. Things happen. If worse comes to worse and there is a major traffic accident, you got each other’s cell phone numbers exchanged when you agreed and accepted this First Date, right? Well then phone them. This is not the time to text. That looks wimpie to to both men and women. Provide them some kind of an adjusted ETA. It will then be their decision to stay and meet you or cancel. 99% of the time, if you are more than 15 minutes late for your date, you date will leave. If you don’t phone and check with them, you will show up and he or she will be gone. If you phone them now and ask them to come back, you have totally disrupted their evening. This is not how to begin a romantic relationship. Avoid all that turmoil by simply planning ahead and giving yourself plenty of time. Better to arrive early and sit at the bar and have a drink of sparkling water for 20 minutes than show up late.
When you set your attitude to positive expectation, dress for dating success, and show up on time, you are guaranteed to enjoy a great first date! And so will your date, with you!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Lori McFarland says
April 12, 2010 at 9:53 AMI enjoyed these tips and follow mostly all of them. I also do not accept a first date over coffee as it doesn’t allow you enough to go on- meaning- there isn’t much to talk about- oh the coffee is really good- mmmkay. I like to suggest an appetizer and drink somewhere easy for both parties. I always also suggest to my date that I have no problem picking up half the tab- though I usually won’t offer unless I hear hesitation. By sitting down over a bit of food it allows for a conversation topic, plus you can see how your date communicates with the wait staff, which can tell you a lot. In addition, the wait staff can be a topic to discuss if things are quiet. I am not typically the shy type, buut have found that often my date is, so I try to ease into a conversation by asking some simple questions like how was your day- did you find this place okay – or complimenting if it makes sense too. Also, I agree with the no texting, I also think that if after the first date your date focuses solely on texting that you either say that you’d rather speak to them over the phone, I think that is a good idea to be up front about.
Eileen O'Neill says
April 12, 2010 at 12:51 PMYour 3 First Date Tips touch the essentials.
I’m going to work them into an ESL lesson and have the students do a comparison between cultures. However, I’m expecting the tips to be similiar …
Eileen O’Neill
Michael D Walker says
May 31, 2010 at 1:52 AMExcellent advice for both people on a first date!
It’s a shame how many people make such simple mistakes that could be easily avoided if they followed your advice.
Michael
The Success Secrets
Spencer says
August 14, 2010 at 11:29 PMGreat tips for a first date
Lora says
September 24, 2010 at 7:41 PMDressing well and showing up on time are so important! And dressing well doesn’t mean dressing up, as some people take it to mean. Just don’t show up with mud on your shoes, etc. Common sense goes a long way!
Beth says
November 8, 2010 at 9:22 PMThanks for your sense of humor and reminders for a good first date. First impressions matter most. I’m still new with online dating, so I printed this off to put in my file, any better way to go about keeping track of it then printing?
Lowell Cremonese says
December 17, 2010 at 1:59 AMYour dating tips are fun and I like your sense of humor, April. I could read your website for hours you have so much here.
Cynthia says
December 17, 2010 at 4:33 AMApril from your expert view what do you think of the aging baby boomer mature dating singles with old photos in their dating profiles?
Vanna says
December 18, 2010 at 1:26 PMDo you think it matters to show up early for the first date?
Sandra says
May 21, 2012 at 3:10 PMI do agree with most of Ms Braswell tips on dating but I don’t think that on a first date a guy should wear a necktie. Unless he’s taking you out somewhere very special and expensive which I doubt very much, that will happen. I don’t think that guys on first dates take their dates somewhere that expensive to be wearing long dresses and they neckties. In my opinion a guy should take his first date to a good restaurant where they’ll both be comfortable. He should be well groomed and nicely dressed, with a long sleeve shirt and dress pants but not a necktie. The second date could be somewhere expensive where you’ll both have to be dressed up, long dress and necktie.