Following onto my dating after divorce for dads article from yesterday where I addresses introducing your dating status in subtle way to your kids when they are young, today’s article is for the divorced dads who have at least one child who is a bit older, say at least 8 years old, in the tweens years.
In this day and age, kids are more precocious than ever before. 20 years or so ago I would have been saying this about the 13 year olds or older teenagers. Just go look at the Hollywood movies, “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father,” and “The Goodbye Girl” to get an idea of how kids are about your dating.
By the time your kids are 8, 9, 10, or 11 years old they have started to develop their own social life and develop boy/girl feelings. So they will start to look at you. If you are not dating, if they don’t see you going out on a date on Friday or Saturday night ever, they will start to ask you about it.
You’ll likely feel incredibly embarrassed to have your personal life under your child’s scrutiny but that really is how kids are. They are observing you all the time and are likely to say so in a very direct manner just like kids do with everything else.
They are both curious about dating and relationships and are hearing about it at school and are watching you all the time. So if they don’t see you dating at all, they will think that’s strange and yes, will then ask you about it. They will be both more pressuring and more direct than the younger children will be about your social life.
“Dad, why aren’t you going out? Tiffany’s Dad goes out every Saturday night. What’s wrong with you?”
When you’re out shopping with them and you help a woman in public with something like by lifting something heavy for her or some other gracious gentlemanly behavior that you just normally do, yes, their little eagle eyes are soaking it all in. Don’t be surprised to hear them ask you, “Do you like her or something?” You know, LIKE her, not just like her. Be careful not to drop the eggs when they ask you that.
As with the fathers of young children of the age group of 3 – 6 years old, I would just suggest that you periodically go on a date on Friday or Saturday night while your children are in your custody just so they are used to the idea that Dad Dates and it is softly on their radar screen.
Tomorrow I’ll talk more about Divorced Dads Dating, single fathers of teenagers.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
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Kevin Bettencourt says
June 20, 2011 at 12:01 PMDivorced dads need as much dating advice from a dating expert as they can get. I gotta agree with you. With kids those age, no question will be off limits so be prepared.
Eva Palmer says
June 20, 2011 at 1:45 PMThis is a great post for those dad’s that are maybe thinking of dating but don’t know what to tell their kids!!
Jeff Lewis says
June 20, 2011 at 7:32 PMI can’t imagine how tough it would be to bring the kids in and discuss the dating scene with them after a divorce. I’m sure articles like this can help a lot of those people clear up any doubts and at least give them some ideas on how to approach the subject with the children.
Thanks!
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Clare Delaney says
June 22, 2011 at 4:02 AMKids don’t pull any punches! Thanks for great advice for Divorced Single Dads!
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Dewayne Chriswell says
June 22, 2011 at 5:40 AMThe best examples of relationships are the ones demonstrated, not the ones explained. Fantastic advice on a very underdiscussed topic.
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