Internet Dating with Integrity: How to Handle Your Marital Status in Your Online Dating Profile Divorced Multiple Times
Dating with Integrity Online: Handling Your Marital Status in Your Internet Dating Profile With Multiple Divorces
With about 50% of marriages in the United States and 40% of marriages in Canada ending in divorce, for singles who are over the age of 40 years old, having more than one divorce is not an uncommon attribute.
I have coached both single men and women who have been married more than once and who are divorced more than once.
This is the 21st century. The Divorce Laws in the United States liberalized in 1974 and 1979. So, first marriages and even second marriages and later marriages can more easily and readily be terminated. Having more than one marriage and more than one divorce is no longer anathema and a disastrous dating deal-breaker. Many singles have the same Marital Status. So if you are one of the many singles like celebrities Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian who have been divorced multiple times, you are not alone.
However, having multiple divorces to divulge to your dating partners is still not putting your best foot forward.
Naturally, you know I’m not going to suggest that you overtly lie in your online dating profile about your marital status.
So, short of consciously lying in your internet dating profile, how are you to manage citing your being divorced multiple times in your internet matchmaking ad profile?
Today’s savvy sophisticated singles want to find, attract and date relationship-ready and possibly marriage-minded fellow singles in their geographically local area. To quite a number of singles, the very characteristic of your being divorced can be a short-hand selection criteria that will get you bumped from their list of potential possible dates.
Well, if a number of singles don’t want to date someone who is divorced, what about your fellow singles’ attitudes about divorcees of multiple divorces?
Since the National Center for Health Statistics no longer tracks the statistics of the number of marriages of those multiply divorced, it is hard to cite specific numbers, which is always desirable.
When I’ve interviewed marriage-minded singles, it is usually those who are single-never married who wish to avoid character attributes which they think might be bad-marriages indicators.
Secondarily, it is sometimes Christian Singles of certain denominations, typically where the single desires to start and raise a family with their mate where they frown on considering divorcees of multiple marriages.
The rest of the population of singles at the dating sites seem to be more flexible with allowing for a variety of potential contenders for their hearts to become their possible dates.
So, know that a certain percentage of the singles at the dating sites will be simply pass you by because you are divorced. Don’t concern yourself with them. You are already divorced. There is just no changing that attribute.
What can you do? What can you control now? Instead, do place your Possible Date selection focus on those singles at the dating websites who are open to the possibility of finding marriage-minded long lasting love with a divorced single. That might be you!
That said, what else can you do to manage your multiple divorces marital status in your computer dating profile? Yes, of course do not lie. In addition, I really see absolutely no reason to share with an absolute stranger before you two have even met and shaken hands the number of marriages and divorces you have.
In many of the singles dating websites, you can cite not only a certain status, like “Has Children,” but you can then further delineate the details. I am loathe to do that. In most cases, I really think and advice my coaching clients to protect their privacy and not readily share online what is impertinent information to request of a, yes, complete stranger.
Therefore, neither share that information in your category data fields, nor would I suggest in general that you share it in the text body of your dating profile.
However, if you are over 50 years old and have been divorced twice, citing that in some positive way in the text body of your profile could possibly be ok and work for you. Just do so briefly. “Brevity is the better part of valor” speaks truthfully of any piece of information in your web profile that could be construed of as a negative.
Sometimes you will want to cite it just in an offhand manner to get the piece of information out there and out of the way. However, anything further than that is superfluous until the two of you have met and vetted for in-person personal romantic relationship chemistry.
When should you divulge further personal information in the Age of Facebook and the Twitter Generation? I’ll be sure to address that tomorrow at my dating and relationship blog.
Be sure to check back then for managing an appropriate personal information exchange 21st century singles.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Marriage Minded Single’s Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
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Sonya Lenzo says
May 15, 2012 at 5:54 PMApril, I agree….too much information too soon unnecessarily weeds
out the super skeptical.
Sonya Lenzo
Sabrina says
May 15, 2012 at 6:18 PMGeat advice. Even though I’m very opinionated about the divorced more than one time status, I’d rather have that information divulged in person as opposed to on the person’s profile.
Sabrina Peterson, NASM CPT, CES
Start Living A Healthy Life Now says
May 15, 2012 at 7:25 PMI have several patients who were married twice before they found the partner of their dreams. I wouldn’t have wanted them to be discounted before they had met in person. Great points to help them out.
Wendy Schauer: Author – Speaker – Chiropractor – Kettlebell Trainer
Kevin Hogan says
May 15, 2012 at 11:04 PMDivulging information may be more difficult in person, but probably better well received.
Mark Hogan
Annie Born says
May 16, 2012 at 7:08 AMApril you give amazing recommendations, How can we get you to help more people!
What I like about your post is the integrity or the cycle of truth as the truth leads to trust and trust leads to relationship, and relationship leads to lifetime commitment which builds on truth.
Looking forward to tomorrow!
Clare Delaney says
May 16, 2012 at 9:44 AMI wouldn’t have had a clue how to handle that, if I had been divorced more than once. Thanks for the advice!
EcoFriendlyMatters @ EcoFriendlyLink
Professional speaker? Trade Show exhibitor? You can green your business, easily!
Covert Hypnosis Online says
May 16, 2012 at 4:32 PMGood advice, I would think on the first date you would be wanting to keep it light and friendly. Plenty of time for the heavy stuff later…if there is a later. If there’s not…then what’s the point?
Be Well.
Jc
Dan says
May 16, 2012 at 5:47 PMif i was dating, 2 divorces would be a major red flag / proceed at your own risk type of endeavour.
http://www.margaritaslavkova.com/body-language-secrets-ofthe-neck.html says
May 17, 2012 at 11:56 AMApril,
I agree that the first date have to be just friendly. Then they can talk, if there is a second date. Divorsed singles have to take care of their problems first and change, otherwise they will end up with the same guy/girl but in a different body, 🙂 don’t you agree?
Bryan says
May 17, 2012 at 1:54 PMI can see how that can be a tricky situation, but I also wonder how many serial divocers scew the stats.
Sales Expert
Cherie Miranda says
May 17, 2012 at 4:37 PMThis makes a lot of sense. I agree with you, NEVER lie in your profile, but why divulge information too soon?
Cherie Miranda
Michael D Walker says
May 22, 2012 at 11:20 AMGood timely advice for today’s dating environment. I agree, don’t lie but don’t bombard people with info before you get a chance to know them either.
Michael
Florine McKinney