Developing Attraction and Feelings of Love
Each week, I receive a ton of questions from single men and women about creating attraction and developing a relationship both with internet dating and when the couple meets out in the real world offline.
One of the subscribers to my ezine newsletter, “Connecting with April Braswell,” wrote me asking about wanting to better understand how attraction develops for women. Yes ladies, men find us a mystery and are always wanting to learn more about what women want and what develops attraction and love feelings in women. Single men want to know how to win with women.
Single Guys Dating Question: “April, can woman who has known a man for years as a good acquaintance where she finds him attractive but has no romantic feelings for him, now that she is single again after being widowed, does he have any hope of winning her love now?”
While studies do demonstrate that when you first meet a woman, her immediate response to you is formed within literally 3 seconds. She decides within just 3 seconds if she has chemistry with you, finds you attractive, and is interested in you romantically.
So the good news is, yes, she finds you attractive. She has romantic and physical chemistry with you in person. Score 1 in the positives column.
But what about romantic feelings of love, respect, and caring?
The good news is, how you treat her over time can foster, develop, and nourish feelings of love. Your behavior with her and your treatment of her can spark romantic feelings of love with her. Or they can fizzle them out completely.
When I was on Las Vegas Radio on the Dave And Mahoney Show (The D.A.M. Show), Dave and Mahoney wanted me to explain about the Las Vegas relationship phenomena of seeing the gorgeous super model quality of women on the arm of men they thought scored a 3 on the Looks Barometer. They figured it was all about the size of his wallet sure.
Well guys, yes, the money is a factor. Beautiful women expect the best in everything, both in terms of where you take them out to dinner at a 4 Star Restaurant as well as the gifts you bestow on them as expressions of your love.
Most mature singles do require a potential mate be financial stable and secure. Certainly, having an abundance of financial resources contributes to your attractiveness and appeal as a mate.
However, I pointed out to Dave and Mahoney that it wasn’t just the money. Women will start to develop feelings of love towards a man who treats them really well, cherishes their feelings, and gives them caring behavior. Women then feel safe to express our soft, trusting, feminine side in response to that.
So, back to The Case of the Attractive Widow. Perhaps you are a modern day cross between Cary Grant and Brad Pitt. So, naturally, she finds you attractive and alluring. Because she was previously married and already taken, she never developed any romantic feelings for you. Now that she is available again for a relationship, being single again now, you actually do have a chance with her.
What Really Creates Lasting Attraction with a Woman?
Studies demonstrate that women typically end up in the long term relationship, possibly marriage relationships, with men who pursue them. I don’t mean stalk them. I mean pursue. The men who just week after week are the ones who phone for a date. The ones who show up with a bouquet of flowers. Yes, women like it when a man makes a single grand romantic gesture periodically. However, and this is one of the reasons why the military guys who I coach have certain romantic relationship challenges.
What Women Need in a Long Term Relationship and Want
Women need regular small deposits in her romantic bank account for the relationship to survive, thrive, and flourish. So if you’re stationed abroad or deployed in the Army Reserve or the Navy Reserve, you have an extra challenge to make quite a number of small deposits of daily caring gestures and behaviors to last over the duration of your deployment.
When you make it clear in your care and treatment of her on a consistent basis that you have selected her as your life partner and want her for your mate, a woman will often respond with developing feelings of love for you. Your consistency over time creates a feeling of safety, stability, and security for her. Just do make sure she’s the one for you before you win her heart, because indeed she just might give her heart to you in response to your courting of her.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
The Knowledge Stylist says
September 25, 2011 at 5:33 PMApril, great info as usual. 3 seconds for someone to form an opinion? That’s very interesting and kind of scary!
TKS
http://theknowledgestylist.com/genres-of-dance-music-trance/
Covert Hypnosis says
September 25, 2011 at 6:18 PMWow… 3 seconds. I knew it was fast, but not that fast.
What is the difference between the “one grand gesture” and the “many small deposits”?
Mark Hogan
Dennis Perry says
September 25, 2011 at 7:03 PMI agree with the other comments: 3 seconds to form an opinion is amazing. Once that opinion is formed, I understand it is very difficult to alter it.
The take-home lesson there is that we guys need to always be on our best behavior. Treat people with care, interest, and compassion and that 1st impression should be a good one.
Dennis
Body language tactics says
September 25, 2011 at 9:46 PMApril, your expert dating advice is right on, It is interesting to see how relationships form and your information about how men can get women to be attracted to them is fantastic.
Scott Sylvan Bell
What body language is
Now go implement!
Michael D Walker says
September 25, 2011 at 9:50 PMGood advice, especially for the soldiers who are always getting deployed somewhere away from their sweetheart.
Michael
The Masters of the Mind: Mindset Essentials #2 Succeed or Fail
Cherie Miranda says
September 25, 2011 at 9:54 PMVery good post. It’s so true that most women end up in long term relationships with men who pursue them.
Cherie Miranda
Holistic Health Expert
John Moulder says
September 26, 2011 at 2:34 AMOne and two and three . Oh dear , I’m gone . I’m a 25 second kinda bloke .
Eva Palmer says
September 26, 2011 at 3:41 AMAs you say, most of the times, with only 3 seconds we know if we are attracte to someone or not. I wonder, so you think that we should always follow our intuition? Or maybe see with time if we migth have made a wrong impression of the man?
Sonya Lenzo says
September 26, 2011 at 9:19 AMIs it different for men? What makes them feel all warm and fuzzy?
Sonya Lenzo
http://www.sunnyincostarica.com/dancing/
Clare Delaney says
September 26, 2011 at 10:30 AMApril, that was a really interesting and most insightful article about creating attraction with women.
Thank you!
EcoExpert
Great tips for a home office from the EcoExpert
Kevin Bettencourt says
September 26, 2011 at 3:46 PMGreat post today April. I do have a question, did you mean look like Brad Pitt and act like Cary Grant? Only kidding. I would think if you knew an attractive widow and had also known her husband it may be difficult and awkward to climb out of the friends zone. How does that work?
Alex Arshavskiy says
September 26, 2011 at 5:34 PMI like your article. Very honest. Financial stability and chemistry are critical. “..women typically end up in the long term relationship, possibly marriage relationships, with men who pursue them.” Also true.
Alex
http://www.leadershipmissinglink.com
Neil Dhawan says
September 26, 2011 at 6:45 PMHi April,
Wow … 3 seconds? That does seem to be quick, but is that just for form an initial impression, which, over time, can be overcome, if her “3 second reaction” is a “NO WAY!” ……. I really hope you continue on this topic as it seems you’ve piqued a lot of peoples’ ( including mine ) curiosity.
Stay Amazing and Do Great Things, Neil
Annie Born says
September 26, 2011 at 9:19 PMGreat – At last so many questions answered!
Thank you so much.
Is it true if you see a guy as a friend it almost impossible to see him in an intimate relationship?
Are You Alive?
Rob Malone says
September 27, 2011 at 1:08 AMI was never good at pursuing. If a woman said no I just moved on. Fortunately my wife said yes the first time I asked her to dance and when I popped “the question”.
Jennifer Battaglino says
September 27, 2011 at 7:17 PMGood advice and I have to admit I’m not surprised about the 3 second rule…
I also agree with the idea that when a man pursues you, you feel wanted and it can easily spark your interest to find out more about him. Guess that’s why I married him.
Jennifer Battaglino
How to Treat Veterans with Tinnitus
Andrew Miner says
September 27, 2011 at 9:32 PMVery in depth article on the intricacies of the tipping point whether a girl will Choose her mate. If Brad Pitt has it in the bag, what do you think Steve Buscemi’s chances are of snagging a mate?
Andrew
http://www.andrewminer.net/treadmill-vs-walking-outdoors-which-is-better/
Michael Paulse says
September 29, 2011 at 5:24 PMApril,
It is the small deposits of daily caring gestures and behaviors that if you never let up on makes her yours, while courting and in marriage.
The Best Way to Get Organized