The other day, UK’s leading Consumer Marketing Expert and author, Philip Graves, asked me about if I ever recommend for dating singles to take a break from dates.
Yes, I do.
Well, sort of.
As an Online Dating Coach and Dating Expert, I only work with committed motivated singles who are working towards a specific goal: dating more (how many dates p/week, something) or wanting to create a committed life partner relationship. The single women want to know how to find a husband and the men are looking for a long term relationship, possibly a wife.
[2019 update: For the Most Part, I would with Marriage Motivated single men and women at Midlife.]
They are not casual daters.
Think of is a marketing or sales strategy… of yourself.
Well, yes, over a period of a few months, you will need some time to step away and recharge. There are natural occurrences of such perfect times in the yearly calendar. Yes, right NOW is something of such a time. Like you’re going to find a Singles Dance on Christmas Day to attend? Not likely. So, if you’re single, you might recharge and just spend that day with friends and family, connecting, not specifically marketing yourself. Although DO feel free still to look your best, because that is your sartorial habit now, right?
Also, right after a break up, I recommend about a long weekend’s worth of wound licking. A pint of Haagen Daz ice cream (1 pint, not a quart! lol!), several chick flicks or the male equivalent (The whole Rocky series, every Clint Eastwood Western), a round of cosmos with the girls or a Sunday afternoon of beer, pizza, and watching college football with the guys.
Then, get back up on the horse Monday. OK, maybe Tues. (I’m compassionate and forebearing that way.)
Move on.
Really, THE main reason is because of how the brain works, I DON’t want them to wither away and moan over the relationship that wasn’t the right fit for them.
THE best way to reprogram the brain is RIGHT THEN to go on a LOT more dates. You really don’t FEEL like it at that point. However, this is the time to leverage the power of your rational mind, keep your focus on your goal and the pathway there and keep moving forward. To look back too much only keeps your brain in an endless loop of pain because the relationship did not continue as you has wanted for some reason.
The other time is sort of like with the sales or product life cycle, you need to pull back and recharge about once a quarter before your new YOU quarterly kick off
- Spa days
- A facial
I generally recommend that THAT time be only for about 4 days. Past that and you are in a NEW HABIT of NOT dating and NOT doing activities to feed your dating pipeline.
You will have lost all Dating Momentum.
Now mind you, life happens.
Stuff happens.
Most of my clients are over 35. Although I do do public speaking at Dating Events and Singles Conferences for those in their 20s providing my Dating Expertise, like at Speed Dating events. So with the over 35 crowd: more stuff in life happens.
Family illnesses and death.
Let me tell you, when my dad died, indeed, I had a date scheduled for that night. Of COURSE he understood when I canceled and didn’t go on a DATE for about 6 weeks. Death. Grief. Perhaps losing a job in the current economy, you might need to recharge and rethink. And maybe even MOVE from your metro area for more opportunities, both economic and romantic.
Great question, Phil. Thanks for asking!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Nancie says
June 19, 2011 at 12:47 AMI do like that we get to take breaks from the dating scene sometimes too. It can get so high pressure.
Sonya Lenzo says
December 15, 2011 at 7:27 AMI like your idea, April, that taking a break is not the same thing as becoming a victim, which is a very unattractive thing to do.If you take a break to just spend some “me” time, whatever that is, perhaps spending a weekend re-reading a favorite old book with your cat snuggled against you, is like recharging your batteries.Good post.
Sonya Lenzo