Indeed, singles and couples need to keep their side of the fence clean, and the GriefRecovery completion process is the best one I have seen for having clean, clear actions to DO that. So many people say, “Oh, just let go….” Doesn’t that sound beautiful and lovely? (I can almost hear the swelling violin section, it SOUNDS so beautiful.) And yet we DO NOT KNOW HOW to do so.
There’s the initial massive clean up of the GriefRecovery work which is essential for Divorce Recovery or after the death of a spouse or end of a romantic relationship. Like with a move or after renovation and remodeling of your home. Still, we need to do weekly upkeep plus Spring Cleaning and Winter Cleaning.
I was just watching the TV show Nanny911 last night. The introduction of order into the home was essential for their children to behave well. However, the Nanny is always so wise. Essentially children “misbehaving” is often (I’m not an expert here, just my observation from the show and some training over several years) the thermometer gauge of a bigger issue with the adults, the marriage. The couple’s own lack of alignment and agreement in HOW to raise their children was mirror reflected in their children’s acting out behavior.
Often younger singles do not even THINK during their dating and courtship to have PARENTING STYLE sort of discussions and negotiations. What they talk about and grill each other on is, instead, “How many children do you want to have?”
Both topics are useful to discuss. As well as career plans, and finances must be discussed during the relationship building stage of courtship, sort of the Phase 2 and Phase 3 of the couples’ YEAR 1 of their courtship. And those are topics to be renegotiated and discussed AT LEAST annually.
Indeed, with the current economic times, outside forces might make those topics suddenly more pressing as one spouse loses his job, or the other spouse decides to start her own business on the side.
Happy Dating and Relationships!
April Braswell
Jennifer Battaglino says
April 15, 2009 at 3:11 PMGreat post and practical useful information for all.
You are great and responsible with what you do and how you help people find and develop healthy romantic relationships.
Jennifer
Sonya Lenzo says
April 15, 2009 at 3:55 PMInterested in hearing a little more about what the certification process was like for this…
SunnyMarie
JJ Jalopy says
April 15, 2009 at 4:11 PMYou’re full of good practical, honest advice April.
I’m sure you’re responsible for many happy faces around the world!
Mrs Jalopy and I hope to see you in Vegas soon! 😉
JJ Jalopy.
jc mackenzie says
April 15, 2009 at 4:47 PMApril,
I appreciate your post, reminds me of a young lady in my department-she has been separated over a year now, divorced a short while ago. Her entire conversation centers around her ex: what he did, what he didn’t, what he’s doing now etc. She doesn’t know how to move on.
Thanks
JC
Yann Vernier says
April 15, 2009 at 5:20 PMI have noticed those who harrass you with “Oh, just let go…” remarks are often the worst ones at letting go themselves. The GriefRecovery process is an awesome program, I am so pleased you are offering it to your dating clients.
All the best,
Yann
Lynn Lane says
April 15, 2009 at 5:25 PMSound advice that can be used in day to day life.
You help many evaluate their relationships and the importance of it.
Lynn Lane
Pat Becker says
April 15, 2009 at 5:29 PMGood practical advice. You’re right about couples thinking about and talking about parenting styles before the blessed event or, more important, before marriage. The differences can tear apart relationships. Wish more of us had these discussions.
-Pat
Darryl Pace says
April 15, 2009 at 6:59 PMApril,
Your post today contained a lot of good information. I particularly enjoyed the part that talked about what dating people should talk over and iron out before they get married. After they iron out the serious decisions like how many kids, parenting styles, if one or both partners will work, etc., then they can get to the fun topics like…how they plan to stay fit together!
Take care.
Health, Fitness, Success — Darryl Pace
Don Shepherd says
April 15, 2009 at 6:15 PMthanks for another insightful post. liked the part about discussing parenting style.
Best negotiated before conception.
Don Shepherd
Bob Kaufer says
April 15, 2009 at 7:04 PMApril,
Thanks for this post, this is great information to know, understand and put to use.
Bob Kaufer
Steve Chambers says
April 15, 2009 at 9:01 PMThe small things indicate how the big things are doing. Interesting analogy to Nanny 911 since this is so true. This is a wonderful and wise post.
Steve
Duane Cunningham says
April 15, 2009 at 9:13 PMHi April,
Great advice and i can see how this would have helped me actually during the process that i went through after my relationship ended…Hindsight is a wonderful thing but having advice from an expert it means i will move forward much wiser for the experience!
Great Post!
Duane
John Ho says
April 16, 2009 at 5:05 AMJust this evening at the office after work, we discuss how man & women alike behaves differently after they get married as compared when they’re dating each other.
* Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
* Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
* Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
Well, if people get advice either from you or myself first, they might have a better chance in selecting the “right” spouse. But then, it’s easier said than done :))
Destiny, ah!
John Ho
Rob Northrup says
April 16, 2009 at 6:06 AMApril,
Great post. I think that couple’s feelings regarding how children should be raised and other related questions are among the most important to figuring out compatibility over the long term. If you are in sync on these issues you are likely to hold similar values and that is a good sign for a long healthy relationship.
Seize the Day,
Rob
Pam Schulz says
April 16, 2009 at 8:45 AMApril –
This advice is so important:
“Often younger singles do not even THINK during their dating and courtship to have PARENTING STYLE sort of discussions and negotiations. What they talk about and grill each other on is, instead, “How many children do you want to have?”
There are three things that most couples most often fail to really get a handle on before they move into a commitment stage, and in reality probably are the biggest causes for relationships to getting stuck in a ditch:
1. finances
2. kids
3. in-law expectations
These are things that everyone assumes will be easily worked out. We believe that everyone thinks like we do. WRONG!!!
If these things are not discussed, most people will have a rude awakening down the road!
Great post!
Pam
David Power says
April 16, 2009 at 8:18 PMGreat stuff April..your info is so kewl!!!
David Power
mark mallen says
April 16, 2009 at 11:30 PMApril, Excellent points. Personally, I think all couples should sign a non binding pre-marriage contract before they get married. It would have general points about who is responsible for what. This can help avoid arguments when issues subsequently come up. Mark
Nadine says
April 17, 2009 at 3:11 AMHi, Super post, Need to mark it on Digg
Thanks
Nadine
mark says
April 17, 2009 at 9:45 AMApril, What you are saying is so true. I think people should sign a non binding pre-marriage agreement before they get married. The agreement could contain some of the potential issues you brought it and other potential conflicts. This will help couples avoid the , “I assumed you would______” arguments. Mark
Anthony Lemme says
April 17, 2009 at 1:18 PMValues, values, values! If there are not similar values in the big areas, no amount of fun, hot sex, attraction, etc will hold the relationship together in the long run. Good information.
Kind Regards,
Anthony