In my email bag this week, one young woman asked, “April, there’s this guy who I met online. I want to meet him. And he wants to meet me. After we meet, how should I ask him for his phone number? I don’t want to appear desperate or anything. Because I’m not.”
What a great question. Indeed, the whole phone number exchange etiquette still has some protocol even in the 21st century.
A lot of single women really prefer it when a man asks them for their phone number first. We see this as a sign of his masculine interest in us and a demonstration of his masculine pursuit. It really is true, especially of men under 50 years old or so that they are hormonally wired and programmed to be aggressive and pursue women.
When men and women first meet in-person, the man who is interested in a woman always does introduce himself and asks her for her phone number. Frankly, if he doesn’t ask you for your phone number when that is how you two have first met, he’s not that interested in you.
However, now that it’s the 21st century and as Match.com’s recent research shows, 1 in 5 relationship starts online. You two “meet” online.
So many of the romantic body language demonstrations of interest are a bit different.
Additionally many single guys and single women under the age of 30 years old or so are tremendously used to texting. And texting breeds exchange of very short text messages. It does not mimic real in-person conversations. It can be quite brief and border on being terse.
Often 1 person texts a phrase, thought, or sentence, and doesn’t get a reply for hours. Sometimes texting conversations can be misunderstood. It’s great for quick exchange of information, but texting is not conducive for the communication necessary for relationship building.
When you two have met online, it is best to exchange phone numbers, often a personal cell phone number, prior to meeting F2F. You want to exchange phone numbers because things can happen before you meet.
There’s an accident on the freeway and you’re going to be 10 minutes late. You’re there are the location but for some reason you two are not seeing each other. You’re at the front entrance, he’s at the back entrance. Having each others’ cell numbers covers you.
Again, here is where women prefer that the man ask for her cell number first. However, if you two have agreed to a first meeting date and are working out the logistics and he still has not yet asked you for your phone number, ask him for his. Just use a simple phrase inserted in your email exchange, “Oh, and what’s your phone number?”
Wait until he gives you his phone number and then reply with yours.
That’s one simple and easy way to exchange phone numbers.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert
Stephen says
February 25, 2011 at 2:23 PMI think if a woman is seriously interested in me at a dating site then she’ll just offer me her phone number. What you’re suggesting sounds better to you, and then you’ll know which is right for you.
Meg says
February 25, 2011 at 8:39 PMI think this has gotten challenging to do again now. Some men online are expecting women to say or do more to “prove” they’re interested but single women are still expecting men to show they’ll pursue and be men and ask for that number.
Jill says
February 26, 2011 at 7:08 AMI like your idea of having personal cards when you are offline. I think makes it easy and simple.
Pete says
February 26, 2011 at 10:43 AMMy sis told me about your dating tips site and how helpful and compassionate you are. Now that I’m here, I think she’s right, I am actually impressed with the writing and slick design. It appears to me you’re just scratching the floor by way of what you may accomplish, however you’re off to an ideal begin!
Lindsay says
March 1, 2011 at 2:20 PMCan I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet and what it is really like for real singles at the dating sites. It can be difficult to get to the first date. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.
Laurel Mac Donnell says
March 1, 2011 at 2:22 PMSeems like the right choice is let the guy ask. If he’s interested he’ll ask for the phone number right?
Sandra Carrier says
March 2, 2011 at 10:08 AMCan you write another article relating to phone exchange due to the fact this post would be a bit tricky to comprehend?
Kathie Mraz says
March 2, 2011 at 5:21 PMApril, what’s your best method for getting the girl to get the guy to ask for the phone number? how long is too long when he texts or phones for the date?
David says
March 5, 2011 at 1:45 AMWell written post. Navigating the phone number exchange proves useful for myself in the future for getting to the first date.
Kim Plascencia says
March 6, 2011 at 5:16 PMI simply wish there has been more dating tip goodies on the internet today like what you share April, thanks and will God Bless…
Alexandra says
March 13, 2011 at 4:51 AMThis is really helpful. Some guys want my number right away and it’s too fast for me. I don’t feel good about it like that.
Kimberly Chandler says
March 17, 2011 at 5:48 AMI really like this post a lot about talking better with single guys. I will certainly be back. I hope that I can read more helpful posts then. Will be sharing your wonderful understanding with my single girlfriends!
Tarshatte Garret says
March 18, 2011 at 11:39 AMHi there April! What do you suggest then to safeguard against creepy guys? I’m kinda paranoid about meeting guys from internet dating these days. Do you have any recommendations?
Jenny Eames says
March 30, 2011 at 2:12 AMIf I pass my number to him on a napkin do you think that’s a good way to do it?
Eva Palmer says
April 2, 2011 at 6:23 PMWhile it sounds like a good idea for single women in the US, singles behavior is very different here in Spain. Always fun to read your dating tips and learn from you.
JoJo says
April 5, 2011 at 11:16 PMI would be really flattered if a beautiful girl asked me for my number at Starbucks. That would be hot.
Chrissie Bransen says
April 13, 2011 at 12:06 PMThanks for your blog April and your idea about talking with guys.
Kesha says
April 19, 2011 at 2:47 AMI like that you tell girls we can approach guys and not be wall flowers just waiting on them to make the move
Lesley says
April 19, 2011 at 9:03 AMHi April. I know it’s the 21st century and the age of facebook. but I still feel too aggressive if I’m the girl asking a cute guy for his phone number. What can I do to get him to ask me for my cell number? I don’t want to be an aggressive girl. Its so unattractive. Plus I think you only get lazy losers guys that way.
Ben says
April 20, 2011 at 3:55 PMhi, I am ranking higher with women from your tips