Top 10 Dating Site Tips for Protecting Yourself Online Dating
In the 2014 Q1 Winter edition of “Modern Maturity,” AARP did a feature article about the scams con artists are running on the After 40 / Over 50 crowd of singles. While each online dating safety tip targets predominately to the single woman forty and up, mature men over 40 would do well to follow this safe dating advice. One of the best ways to create safety and security for you and your potential dates is first and foremost to define, create, and follow safety behavior habits yourself. Keep it safe while seeking love on the Net.
Ladies, men, you too, you MUST protect yourself online. The best way to protect yourself on the internet is to follow dating safety tips until they are completely inbred and have become your automatic security habits both online and offline.
While we’ve all heard some horror stories from the world of internet matchmaking, those stories are massively in the minority of instances of internet dating singles. These are only a very small handful of a few cases within literally millions upon millions of online dating singles.
And remember there are literally millions of singles registered at online dating sites. The more you make dating safety tips your normal every habits, the better off you are in all aspects of life. Savvy sophisticated singles respect when you practice safety habits. It makes them feel more secure with you as well and deem you a mature romantic partner and not a flighty flibberty gibbit.
Marriage Minded Singles in 40s and 50s Seek Stable Marriage Partners
Online Dating really can be safe and lead you to a great romantic relationship and finding the long lasting love you want and deserve. The percentage of weirdos online are the same as in real life in-person encounters. There are some myths out there circling since the early days of seeking love on The Net that only weirdos and losers use the singles websites. That’s just simply not true. Internet Dating has been around since 1995 and has been a mainstream method for dating and mate selection now for years.
Marriage minded singles still dominate the audience of members at the premier dating apps. So, when you’re looking for a long term relationship boyfriend or girlfriend with an eye towards a life partner or getting married, you fishing in the right waters by using the dating apps and singles sites.
However, do follow dating safety tips to protect yourself, your personal and professional privacy, and your physical safety when emailing, phoning, and meeting strangers you have connected with via internet dating sites and other forums of social networking platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Online Gaming Sites.
Practice Personal Safety Tips Online and Offline
With the wonderful move of Online Dating into the mainstream of our culture so that it is becoming The Norm, we must learn to protect ourselves with practicing dating safety tips while pursuing love and dating through Internet Dating and the Internet Personals.
Internet Dating Safety Tip: Protect Your Home and Work Address Information
Internet Dating Safety Tip #1: Do Not Give Out Where You Live to a Stranger Online
Internet Dating Safety Tip: Use a Personal Cell Phone Number
You may feel you two are very comfortable and connected. However, do not share your home address and preferably also where you work with someone who is still a perfect stranger to online. This means that gentlemanly behavior of having the man pick you up for a date which men do with women who they already know and are well-acquainted with will simply have to wait until after at least a few dates. Only reveal this once you two feel safe and secure to do so. This can take a few dates and some research to establish.
Internet Dating Safety Tip #2: Let the Man Give Out His Phone Number First
Let the man give his phone number first, then, ladies, respond with yours to him.
And please, do give him a cell number.
If your only cell number is with your office, it’s time to get a personal cell phone number. There are so many cell phone packages now where you can get a mobile phone with no contract.
This is cell number you need to feel comfortable giving out. He’s asking for your number. If this is a man you’re interested in meeting, then for goodness sake, do give him your phone number.
Yes, we’re hard to get, but, oy, don’t make it impossible for men! Sheesh. Guys, am I right here, or what?
Internet Dating Safety Tip #3: Meet in a Lighted Public Place
For the First Date you absolutely must meet in a public place where it is lighted, not a super crowded and super dark environment. It’s not that you need to meet during a bright lighted daytime first date. Soft lighting and a romantic ambiance make for a lovely mood and venue for a romantic mood First Date.
Just do keep all the super dark venues for once you’re better acquainted with someone.
Save going to a dance club together for later. Meeting at a public bar is perfectly fine. However, select one which is associate with a restaurant and is lighted well enough that you can easily and readily see each other and your body movements. Avoid dark haunts with hypnotic strobe lights to distract and confuse you. A little soft mood lighting is one. Too dark and loud to see each other and converse comfortably is out of the question. It’s as simple as that.
Internet Dating Safety Tip #4: Meet Near Where the Lady Lives
For your First Date you need to meet near you, where the lady lives, not just in a good very public place.
This online dating safety tip is subtler than a number of the other safety strategies. Hence, a lot of single simply don’t think to consider it and the multiple and nuanced reasons for doing so. However, whenever I’m interviewed and elaborate on this, all the protective men nod their heads in agreement that they want to provide safety, security and protection to a date this way. It greatly pleases the masculine soul to do so, yes, even in the 21st century.
Online Dating Safety Tip: Meet in Lighted Public Location Near Her
This is not just good manners on behalf of the man, but it is also for the woman’s safety. The woman then know where it is safe to park, how to safely approach the restaurant or bar. Getting from the Parking Lot or Garage to the Restaurant or Wine Bar may not be that import. It’s more her returning to her car after it’s dark. Being already familiar with the route and know what’s safe and what’s not matters.
There are no surprises in the layout of the restaurant and going to and from the ladies room.
Why? Because you already know it.
Online Dating Advice: Meeting Near the Lady for the First Date for Romance and Safety
And while you’re at it, do keep your purse with you at all times. If you’re a city dwelling metro girl, then this is likely already a regular safety and security behavior you normally practice. Don’t leave your drink unattended either. No one is being paranoid. This is just good safety habits so no-one, your date or someone else at the bar if he turns away for a moment, can add any date-rape drugs to your drink. Smart. Safe. Sensible. It’s not just about your date. It’s about all the other truly complete strangers there as well.
That’s the kind of singles you both are!
Men, be a gentleman and meet her over near where she lives. By doing so, you display to her that you are a protective and providing man, not a guy looking to be her equal buddy. Meeting near where the guy lives or “half way” is what friends do. We are aiming for romantic Chemistry here, not being buddies.
By doing so, you will distinguish yourself immediately as a Man who is thoughtful and thinking of her safety and displays masculine cherishing behaviour towards her femininity. If she is used to meeting halfway, then you insist on meeting “near you but where you feel safe meeting me because I want to protect your safety.” Guys, you might hear a modern woman’s jaw drop. Just count to three and wait for her to say, “Wow. That would be great. Thank you.” Score 1 point of Attraction Interest to you!
Don’t stop just there with protecting yourself online!
How to Women Over 40 Can Internet Date Putting Safety First
Internet Dating Safety Tip #5: Single Men and Women Must Post Photos Online
If he doesn’t post a photograph of himself online and wants you to start emailing him privately, respond sweetly with the dating site auto-response option about wanting his photo first. And then simply send no more messages until he either posts a photo or provides you with a way to view his photo safely online.
Internet Dating Safety Tips: Look for Profile Photos
Providing you with his Facebook or MySpace page isn’t safe because it reveals your name and Facebook or MySpace profile to him, and you may have more personal information (name of town where you live….) which you might not want him, remember, still a total stranger, to see about you. His yahoo or gmail profile can be a safe location to view his photo.
[Note 2019: Now we are not so much at MySpace anymore. Precisely one of my points about how both Dating Sites, now Dating Apps, plus Social Networking sites are changing all the time. Now it’s more like FB Facebook and IG Instagram. Where will it be in another 5 years? Remember there for Social Network? When I originally wrote this article 10 years ago, MySpace was hot and relevant. Social Networking changes all the time. Now, in just 1 week, Google Plus will be going away.]
Note from the Dating Coach for Women After 40 (and some smart men): Internet Social Networking sites privacy controls are ever changing. The privacy levels literally change weekly. Please be sure to look at the privacy settings of your various online profiles before viewing anothers’ profile or sharing yours with a perfect stranger whom you have only “met” on the web.
Safety first, ladies and gentlemen!
Guys, the women who are a scammers and con artists are the ones who have maybe 1 photograph up at the dating site and are trying to get you comfortable in clicking over to other sites to see more of their photos. First over to MySpace, Facebook, or Twitter. Then next to a professional site where you maybe hacked or tricked into paying to talk with her. Stay onsite with a reputable internet dating site to protect yourself, as well.
Internet Dating Safety Tip #6: Do Protect Your Residence Town/City Information
Consider where you live.
If you reside in a large metropolitan city, then it is perfectly ok to cite your city in your profile like my NYC coaching clients do. But they don’t reveal what neighborhood they reside in or work in to keep their privacy as secure as possible. You want to be intriguing but not be stalkable.
However, if you live in a town or smaller city, than ponder this. Who needs a stalker at your favorite coffee haunt when there is only 1 single branch of it in the town where you live?
Internet Dating Safety Tip: Protect Your Hometown Information
Instead, consider maybe posting your residence town as a town 1 or 2 towns over from where you live if you live in the burbs. That might mean using a different zip code, so be equipped with this from the start.
Illustrative Example to Let You See What I Mean:
When I used to live in the Mid Peninsula area of the San Francisco Bay Area in Menlo Park, it really was such a tiny downtown area near where I lived that I made a point of not citing my Menlo Park zip code. Palo Alto was literally just around the corner a few blocks away from me and had both a much larger downtown area as well as a really lovely mall nearby my home. I cited a Palo Alto zip code. I was still being truthful and only not being more precise to protect my personal safety. Relationship minded men all understood. They wanted to be protective as well. My being sensible enough to have done that myself they appreciated. A lady being protective of herself gentlemen deep as feminine and appropriate. If I’d been too specific, it might have made them them wonder my maturity and readiness for a relationship, reassuring them that indeed I was wife-worthy material.
Consider doing this as an added layer of safety for yourself. This is not lying in your profile, this is protecting yourself. Savvy singles understand this that you were being oblique to be safe, not lying to them from the get go.
Internet Dating Safety Tip #7: Public Figures and Semi-Celebrities Must Still Post Photos
If he is saying his job/career is terribly public so he doesn’t want to post his photo at his profile, he can email you the address of a website with his photo or cite his name to you. Men are to protect ladies. If he is more protective of himself than you, forget him. Move on. He’s a boy not a man.
Look, this is the 21st century, and both men and women do need to protect themselves.
If he wants you to email him or set up a separate email address just so he can email you his photo, oy, he’s expecting you to go to a lot of effort, and he hasn’t even bought you a drink yet. If he is a man, he is making an effort to get you. If not, then not. I mention this as well because the reality is men, are hormonally driven to pursue, even in the 21st century. It’s biological and hormonal. So, if he is somehow leaning back, arms across his chest waiting for the woman to pursue him, it typically means he’s not that interested in you, and guys, self-respecting women still want you to make some initial efforts. Sure, we’ll pick up the phone and call you later. 21st century romance is a dialogue. But to start, we’re expecting you to approach.
I’m the pretty one, remember? I go to plenty of effort to look this gorgeous and sexy, and you are enjoying it, I know. Thank you for noticing. Bat, bat, flutter, flutter. However, I’m not making all the effort. Men seek to display their masculine prowess in pursuing us, bless their hearts. Don’t you love it?
Internet Dating Safety Tip #8: No Personal Contact Information Exchange Until After You Two Have Met In Person
If the man starts pestering you for personal contact information without revealing his first, just stop emailing with him. Remember, protect you, safety first!
Both of you, you might feel secure to share contact information after a First Date. However, you two might feel more secure building up a greater level of mutual acquaintanceship in public locations before revealing more personal contact information. There is no one-size fits all. These are tips and guidelines. It’s up to you to protect your contact information. Do!
Note 2019: I know it can now sometime be popular to share your full name before meeting in person and then doing Googling each other and reading each other’s Facebook and LinkedIn Profiles. This really is not a good it. You are still strangers. You don’t know each other. Additionally, it robs you of developing your social skills in becoming better acquainted by your own means and inquiring about and sharing that person information only with those you care to and not everyone you’re simply having a cup of coffee or glass or wine with.
Internet Dating Safety Tip #9: If Your Prospective Date Gets Belligerent Before You Two Meet – Then Drop Them!
If a man gets belligerent with your online, block him and delete his messages. Bullying women mentally is the tactic of a coward, and it can only get worse in-person. He might start pushing you aggressively to lower your physical defenses, to meet near where he lives because he’ll be in a late meeting but he still really wants to meet you, and then make the Drinks Date suddenly into a dinner date, order the Porterhouse Steak while you nibble a Cobb Salad, and then demand you “go Dutch” to split the bill because you’re equals.
Of course men and women are equal. That doesn’t mean attraction and dating etiquette is identical for them.
Guys, did she suddenly start spouting that all men are jerks and only “want one thing” or “skinny super models” while she complains about her ex-husband? Anything like that? She won’t improve in-person. Trust me. She needs to do some personal therapy first before resuming dating.
Remember, sometimes people are just being jerks. Maybe it was a really bad day or week at work. We’re all human. Sometimes we are shrews. Whatever. Focus on what you want and move one. Don’t obsess about it and panic. Do not email your yahoo group of girlfriends to analyze, conjecture, and hypothesize for maybe why he did it. Just delete, block and move on.
If they bully or harass you in any way, do immediately report them to the dating site. Ideally cite the email where the harassment occurred. This is another reason to keep your email communication pre-date all online at the dating site so that it is in a controlled environment and where the dating site readily has access to the records.
Internet Dating Safety Tip #10: Do Keep Your Personal Email Address Private
Don’t give out your personal email address until you two have corresponded at the Online Dating site for at least 3 emails. You both have more safety protection while you two are still corresponding at the dating site than you do once you have moved over to your email account.
For safety purposes, when advising singles in coaching sessions and workshops, I do recommend creating a second personal email address for pursuing online dating and protecting your full personal name at that email address as well.
If he gets weird, too overtly sexual too fast, etc. while at the Online Dating website, you can block him easily and report him. There are singles apps for that, too. Relationship seeking singles use different dating sites than those. Once over at your own email, he already has your personal email account.
Be romantic, safe, smart and sensible while pursuing love online, don’t you think? Cause you’re TOTALLY worth protecting!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Marriage Minded Singles Dating Coach
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Ladies, if you’re a professional executive with your own law or architectural business and are concerned about your professional image, you must find a way to share your photo at the dating sites if you want to use internet dating as a way to meet men. Celebrities do it. You can, too.
However, men, and other well-known public figures have dated me, protect ladies. They gave me their names, website photos from their news coverage, Yahoo! ID where they posted their photo, something.
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