Single-never-married women ask me about what special insider secret dating tips do I recommend to use when dating a guy to see if he is really good husband material. Certainly, looking for character attributes of kindness, thoughtfulness, diligence, and generosity are important character traits to be looking for demonstrations of. See how he treats cashiers. What about how he tips wait staff? Is he cheap? Is he a spendthrift? One really great successful relationship insider secret I can give you for free is to observe how he treats his mother. Many of his positive character attribute displays will be proven in how he treats his mother. Twofold, of course you do not want a man whose mother still has him dangling after her every whim on her apron strings. Certainly should that behavior surface, just stop dating him now. She is still number 1 and there will be no room for you.
However, the majority of men, that simply is not the case anyway. What you want to be looking for are all the acts of thoughtful kindness he does for her. You might not be around her this coming Mother’s Day, on the occasion of her birthday, or any other special days celebrated in conjunction with their family religion. Yet you can still see evidence of his cherishing behavior towards her in honor of Mother’s Day by asking some simple questions. While you two are watching television over the next day or two or enjoying a meal out together, you will likely see a commercial for something being positioned as a great gift idea for Mother’s Day. That is when you can ask and it flows naturally with the course of things. Simply ask, “Oh, what are you giving your Mamma for Mother’s Day?” Don’t stare him in the eye like this is a major question and you are taking notes. Because of course, that is not what you are doing anyway. You are a research scientist simply observing the single man. There is no judgment. Instead, you are gathering data.
What is his response?
“Yeah, I got her a card.”
“Yeah, I got her a present.”
“Sure, I sent her a gift certificate.”
“Uh huh. Giving her flowers on Sunday when I go over.”
“Yup. I’m taking her to brunch on Sunday. Didn’t I tell you?”
The only one that is something of a flag, not exactly a dramatic flaming waving red flag, but still a warning flag is the first response. Getting her a card, only a card. Now if he is in high school, college, or within the first 18 months out of college on a severely limited budget, getting her only a card is a pretty cheap gesture. This is not all about how much money he is spending. If he is on a very careful budget, he can still go over to her house and make her breakfast. Remember being a kid growing up and having no money yet? You still managed to make and give gifts to your mom, right? He can still do that now. Notice how in the question I suggested you use I didn’t use the word “buy.” Instead the focus is on “giving.” Giving can still be the personally made gifts we learned to do as children. If all he is doing is giving her a card, he lacks creativity and resourcefulness. This can also make for a tedious life partner. You want to share your life with someone who is kind, gracious, and resourceful with what he has.
Additionally, my bringing up Mother’s Day on Thursday, this is my gentle reminder to all the single guys who read my blog as well as the married men who knew Mother’s Day was coming up but maybe just hadn’t thought that it was THIS Sunday. Gentlemen, Mother’s Day is THIS Sunday. I also just gave you a list of items you can easily give her as well as some creative ideas when you need to manage your budget. Just helping you out in advance of the day to make you good and position you favorably with the special women in your life. I’ve got your back.
Honor the special women in your life for truly lasting love.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert
PS: If you plan to get her flowers, order them ASAP. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to have any at any of the stores or ordering online for the correct in advance arrival time.
Mark says
May 6, 2010 at 9:36 PMI really like your comment, “You are a research scientist simply observing the single man”… it also applies to men seeking women… by adopting an attitude of learning, rejection loses personal sting… an approach is simply an experiment with technique while looking at what variables may have played a role. Like asking what are you giving for Mother’s Day, listening to their answer and watching their expressions when they talk about their mother can help avoiding jerks.
Shane says
May 6, 2010 at 10:46 PMTips For Single Never Married Men is what this article should be called.
Shane
Rob Northrup says
May 7, 2010 at 3:03 AMYou are like Jane Goodall researching the behavior of gorillas in their natural habitat… a dating anthropologist!
I sent my Mom a boquet of flowers from proflowers.com and I used the radio code Rush as in Limbaugh to get the free vase and the extra chocolates thrown in. Last year I got her tickets too Jesus Christ Superstar.
Now, I need to help my kids get something for my wife tomorrow.
Seize the Day,
Rob
Michael D Walker says
May 7, 2010 at 5:24 AMVery practical insights to help determine if someone is a keeper or not. Also like the reminder that Mother’s Day is THIS SUNDAY. 🙂
Michael
The Success Secrets
Eileen O'Neill says
May 7, 2010 at 5:27 AMApril,
A great post – but not only for the guys, also for the gals! In our busy lives, sometimes dates are there before we know it, as you mentioned.
But as I was reading your blog, I was wondering if a man could research anything about a future wife and his mother’s relationship, but watching how the 2 of them interact? Are mother-in-law problems really a fact of life or are there happy success stories which a single woman can aim for? How should she treat her boyfriend’s mother, say on Mother’s Day?
Eileen
Sonya Lenzo says
May 7, 2010 at 5:52 AMBoomer Age Women in particular have learned that kindness and generosity are deep values that really matter to them. If a man does not treat his current family with those characteristics, he will not treat any new entrants on that scene any better.
Sonya Lenzo
Trisha Chambers says
May 7, 2010 at 6:22 AMI forgot it was mother’s day Sunday…..I’ll be visiting my mother next weekend to be making up for this!
Hezron says
May 7, 2010 at 6:28 AMGood article,
I would be careful not to prejudge a man based on his gift to his mother. I say this because, does the woman know the relationship between the man and his mother? (i.e they don’t talk, or there was a history of abuse of a substance or other issues). Second, consider the distance. Maybe his mom lives in New Jersey and the person resides in Seattle, WA. It can be expensive to send gifts via UPS across the country.
There are some single women who feel any ties to his mother is equal to “he is a mama’s boy”
Tim Van Milligan says
May 7, 2010 at 6:34 AMAs Mark posted above, the same thing applies to women. Your girlfriend will turn into what her mother is now. So study the mother. Would you want to be married to that 15 years from today. If the answer is no, then run now.
Tim Van Milligan, helping you Make Money Online, God’s Way!
Dale Bell says
May 7, 2010 at 6:57 AMAfter being married for over 20 years I forgot mothers day because I was to busy. That did’nt fly. My wife was so mad she held it against me for a whole year, so the next year I bought he a brand new Camero convertable she was happy but still held it against me somewhat. Now after 36 years we go to Hallmark and look at cards together I like the funny ones she likes the mushy ones we read them turn them over and I give her the money. Then I do like I always have I take her out to dinner, she is the main person in my life I do not want to disapoint.
Steve Chambers says
May 7, 2010 at 7:00 AMSince most men are looking for either their Mother or the antithesis of their Mother you can get an idea of who you’re really dating as well.
Oh, and if he’s a Momma’s boy that is a definite red flag.
Steve Chambers
Body Language Expert
Tom Pierre says
May 7, 2010 at 10:26 AMgreat dating tips post for the single folks, as usual, April. Thanks for the Mother’s Day reminder. I’m one guy who sure needs those reminders!
Scott Sylvan Bell says
May 7, 2010 at 1:56 PMApril, another cool article. I am going to buy my mother a card, that is all she wants. If she wanted something else I would get it for her and yes even if it were flowers.
Scott Sylvan Bell
Now go implement!
Jennifer Battaglino says
May 7, 2010 at 7:33 PMI’ve got a thing about flowers…I’d rather have a plant I could plant or a plant that’s edible. For example, a basil plant with a bow around it would be perfect!
So asking the Mother’s Day question is a bit sneaky but very effective…I like it.
Jen B
The Harwood Group – Tinnitus, Chronic Illness, Fears, and Anxiety
Lisa McLellan says
May 7, 2010 at 8:13 PMWe always made breakfast in bed for my mother on mother’s day so my kids always do it for me. They really enjoy it. They get all excited bouncing around on the bed while I open their homemade gifts and cards while trying to keep from spilling coffee on my sheets.
I wonder if my son will make his wife breakfast in bed every Mother’s Day.
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services, Nanny Services, and Nanny agencies
Hezron says
May 9, 2010 at 3:33 PMIn my opinion, I think Single Never Married women should take a look at themselves (I call it the YOU test…look in the mirror and start there) and ask why they are not dating. Often, I find these women place blame on the men or make pathetic excuses (ie. doesn’t make enough maney). From my viewpoint, I find these never married women, despite what their equally pathetic single female friends remind them of how awesome they are, the fact is that some of these single never married women aren’t dating/marriage material in the first place. Sometimes a reality check is required.
michael c says
May 9, 2010 at 8:11 PMThat’s really good advice.
I would also look for pictures of the two of them together at times other than the holidays.
Ask questions, too, to see if there is tension or other problems lurking….
Michael
Christian says
May 16, 2010 at 7:17 AMHi April, I did ust want to say what a great singles dating blog you got here!
I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!
Thumbs up, and keep it going!
Cheers
Christian
Michelle Mason says
May 17, 2010 at 7:06 PMHow a guy treats his mother is so important. I think it also gives a good feel for how his family functions, and that may translate into how your future family may work as well. Coming from a rather disfunctional family, I love seeing guys who are caring towards their mother, but not mama’s boys.
Michelle
Role playing is one of those things that most people dislike and are embarrassed about, but can be super beneficial. My boss wants us to say things to our customers, and sometimes I find it very hard to do (or even say – there are a few tongue twisters in the list). If we role-played, I would eventually be able to do it without being embarrassed.
Michelle
Frederick says
May 19, 2010 at 8:17 PMMy cousin recommended this dating blog and she was totally right! April, thanks so much. Keep up the fantastic work with all of your great dating tips!