As a recognized dating expert helping both single guys and single women to get more dates and enjoy better dates, a frequently asked question I get via twitter (@AprilBraswell), email, facebook, and here at my blog is, “What’re some tips you can give me for a great First Date?”
Making Your First Date Great: It’s All Up to You
The best ways to have a terrific First Date are fairly simple and precise. How you feel about dating is expressed by your attitude and comes through in your body language in your courteous behavior and attractive manner of dress and personal grooming. Pulling these altogether can make all the difference between making it dud date or great! It’s up to you. It’s your choice.
Dating Success Tip 1: Have a Great First Date Attitude
First of all, your first date starts before the actual date. How was the messaging exchange if you two met via an online dating site. In this 21st century Web 2.0 world (yes, I worked with the Web 2.0s in the early days in Silicon Valley), many many singles are meeting via internet dating sites. Some singles do still meet and ask each other out on dates having met in-person. What you both said, messaged, texted, and did before you meet for the date will already establish The Mental Frame for a great First Date experience.
First Date Positive Dating Mindset
Dating Mindset Single Guys:
Are you worried that taking her out will crimp your entertainment budget for this week? You might end up being tense during the date, sending bad body language flirting signals to your date who feels you just weren’t that interested in her and turns off of you.
Positivity Attitude for Single Women:
Are you over-excited hoping and wondering if he will be, “The One?” Single guys can feel it when women on are the marriage relationship prowl. On the First Date that romantic over aggressiveness is just too much pressure and too smothering.
If that is either of your attitude and how you approach First Dates in your mind, it is time to switch up your internal dialogues. Dr. Maxie Maultsby, Jr. of RBT Rational Behavior Therapy teaches, “To feel better, you must first think better.” It’s as simple as that.
Instead decide to think, “I believe that First Dates are fun! I am about to spend an evening getting to meet and become acquainted with a new wonderful person! I wonder what is special about them? I will have to find out!”
First Date Tip 2: Do Dress for Dating Success
Have you seen all the internet dating profile pix taken with the person standing in jeans and tshirt, disheveled hair, facing their bathroom mirror, using their smart phone? Made quite an impression on you didn’t it? And now picture how Barack and Michelle Obama dresses. Michelle Obama and her classic dressing with a marvelous touch of style is about as trendsetting and simply elegant as 1960s fashion trendsetter first lady, Jacqueline Kennedy.
Whatever your political leaning, you have to admit they look pretty good, don’t they? Yah think how Michelle Obama dressed helped her to create and establish the rapport with Queen Elizabeth that she was allowed to break Royal Personage Protocol and touch the Queen of England? Do you think she could have done that dressed in a sloppy manner wearing grungy jeans and tshirt?
Dress to Look Your Best to Make Your First Date Great
Treat yourself like royalty and a world class leader, and dress to look your best. Guys, this means in most cases, a suit, a sports jacket, dress slacks, sharp shoes. Look spiffy. Wearing a necktie on your first date makes a powerful statement. You don’t have to wear them all the time. However, some single women have an unwritten rule that they won’t date and pursue a relationship with a man who won’t wear neckties. By wearing one on your first date, you take care of that. You can wear your sharpest business casual for your second and third dates. Ladies, aim for a look uniquely feminine to establish contrast with how your date is dressed. Wear a skirt or dress. You want to aim for a “Classy Sexy” tone.
First Date Success Tip 3: Do Show Up On Time
With so many singles living in metropolitan areas, there is always the traffic and commute traffic variables. It is a running joke in Southern California in Los Angeles and Orange County that there is always an accident on the the 405. Be sure to know the route you will take to your date and leave plenty of time to get there. It is even better still to plan to arrive early.
You show the greatest respect and honor to your date and yourself when you arrive early and are on-time for your date.
If you live in a metro area like New York or Los Angeles where evening parking can be a challenge, you know there will be valet parking. Yes, it will cost something. Phone the restaurant where you two will be meeting and find out what it costs. Plan for that cost as part of the cost of the date. Use valet parking. Do not keep your date waiting 45 minutes thinking she will wait for you. When you do that, you are telling her, I value your precious time less than the cost of a valet. Yes, you will create a lasting first impression. It won’t be the one you want.
It is the 21st century. Things happen. If worse comes to worse and there is a major traffic accident, you got each other’s cell phone numbers exchanged when you agreed and accepted this First Date, right? Well then phone them. This is not the time to text. That looks wimpie to to both men and women. Provide them some kind of an adjusted ETA. It will then be their decision to stay and meet you or cancel. 99% of the time, if you are more than 15 minutes late for your date, you date will leave. If you don’t phone and check with them, you will show up and he or she will be gone. If you phone them now and ask them to come back, you have totally disrupted their evening. This is not how to begin a romantic relationship. Avoid all that turmoil by simply planning ahead and giving yourself plenty of time. Better to arrive early and sit at the bar and have a drink of sparkling water for 20 minutes than show up late.
When you set your attitude to positive expectation, dress for dating success, and show up on time, you are guaranteed to enjoy a great first date! And so will your date, with you!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Michelle Mason says
April 9, 2010 at 1:10 PMThese are good tips. For #1, I was going to suggest doing something less expensive and formal, like an activity (bowling, for example). It takes away some the strain of making conversation over the dinner table, is inexpensive, and fun. I am not a great conversationalist, so I would appreciate having something to look at/do besides staring across the table. I am money conscious too, so I don’t expect the big bucks to be pulled out on the first date.
This is obviously different for everyone (those necktie women probably wouldn’t think of putting on bowling shoes!), so hopefully the people get a good enough feel of their date to know what is appropriate.
Michelle
Mike Norris says
April 9, 2010 at 2:13 PMThese are great tips. Can’t imagine being late for a first date unless you have an emergency.
Mike
Safety Is Everyones Business
Konaru says
April 9, 2010 at 2:54 PMIn truth, immediately didn’t understand the essence of dating and dressing. But after re-reading all at once became clear about the dating tips
Robert Kaufer says
April 9, 2010 at 5:22 PMYou know, I think the next time my wife and I go out we will treat it like a first date hopefully without the awkwardness.
Sounds like it would be fun.
Bob
Jennifer Battaglino says
April 9, 2010 at 5:47 PMBasically it comes down to having some respect for the other person who is also sticking their neck out to go on this first date.
I like the idea of having the right attitude. It if turns out great then great…if it doesn’t make the best of it and it’ll always make for a good story later.
Great advice as usual!
Jen B
Trisha Chambers says
April 9, 2010 at 8:39 PMShow up on time is a huge investment in any relationship! Great post!
Peggy Larson says
April 10, 2010 at 5:16 AMFirst date attitude is so important! I like your advice at the end that paragraph.
Dressing is important but I think if one of my daughter’s dates showed up in a tie, she’d turn and run! But clean and good posture and good manners are important.
With today’s technology devices there is no reason to be left in the dark on why someone is running late. But even then, there is a limit to the degree of lateness when the date should either be rescheduled or cancelled.
Peggy Larson
Make Money Gods Way says
April 10, 2010 at 5:33 AMApril, these are also great tips to use for business. I see myself taking a client out to lunch, and these would be just as important there. That goes to show you that dating is exactly like building a relationship with a client.
Tim Van Milligan, helping you Make Money Online, God’s Way!
Sonya Lenzo says
April 10, 2010 at 5:34 AMVery, very good advice! The attitude especially…if one is relaxed about it, then if anything goes wrong, you can laugh about it…
Sonya Lenzo
Dennis Miedema says
April 10, 2010 at 9:49 AMThis is great for getting in the mood.
Thanks for all your first date tips for more Dating Success,
Dennis Miedema
Scott Sylvan Bell says
April 10, 2010 at 10:08 AMGreat post April,
Your information is very insightful, It is important to be considerate of other people time and feelings especially when it is a first date or even a business venture.
Scott Sylvan Bell
http://www.scottbellconsultant.com
Now go implement!
Lisa McLellan says
April 10, 2010 at 11:05 AMExcellent suggestion about calling your date if you’re going to be late. I tell new babysitters to try to be on time or better, five minutes early. Now I wouldn’t want my date to be five minutes early because I’d probably still be primping. But, some parents ask a sitter to come an hour before they leave so that someone is watching the kids while they shower. Others will ask the sitter to be there at the time they’d like to walk out the door!
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services, Nanny Services, and Nanny agencies
Rob Northrup says
April 10, 2010 at 11:08 AMYou break it down into such easy to follow advice April.
These are great ideas for a first date.
Seize the Day,
Rob
Mark says
April 10, 2010 at 11:13 AMApril,
Enjoyed your post! Agree with Tim also, your site is about dating, but more importantly it is about relationships, so your advice applies to some many facets! Thanks and keep them coming!
Mark
Direct Selling Advice, Tips, Skills & Techniques
Shane Kester says
April 10, 2010 at 12:55 PMYou’re right about making sure your head is in the game so to speak. Your subconscious anxieties, attitudes and body language can really speak loudly to your date and others. Make sure you aren’t bringing your bad day, bad attitude or negative projections on your date.
Shane Kester
Steve Chambers says
April 10, 2010 at 3:21 PMAll this advice is good for making a first date a great experience whether it leads to something long term or not.
Steve Chambers
Body Language Expert
David Escalante says
April 10, 2010 at 9:14 PMThese tips work great with any relationship. When you Showing up on time and area well dressed you leave a great first impression.
David Escalante
Bay Area Roofing San Francisco CA
Jerrie says
April 11, 2010 at 5:15 AMHi Apriil, great first date tips. thanks. Do keep posting dating advice and tips like this. They really help single women. And I really like it
Hui Hui says
April 11, 2010 at 6:24 AMThese tips are great!!
I think it can be applied in different situations such as interviews.
I hate people who are always late.It does show disrespect.
Thanks for the tips.
Hui Hui
http://chiahuihui.com/
Hezron says
April 11, 2010 at 8:56 AMYou said this
“However, some single women have an unwritten rule that they won’t date and pursue a relationship with a man who won’t wear neckties. By wearing one on your first date, you take care of that. ”
The above statement is shallow.
Next, how does wearing a dress or skirt, exude femininity as you see it, Ms. Braswell?