Learn How to Write Thank You Letters & Cards for Business & Personal Etiquette Situations to Stand Out Socially
“He is as full of valor as of kindness. Princely in both.”
― William Shakespeare, Henry V
You’ve just been to a wonderful social occasion hosted by someone in your professional business circle. Or perhaps you’ve just attended a party as an invited guest. You get home, kick up your heels on the coffee table, lean back on your couch to relax and decompress after a delightful evening out. Time to kick it and relax, nothing more for you to do, right?
Wrong!
Now is the perfect time to write a thank you letter to your hostess! Thank you letters are the social glue and lubricant which foster and nourish social ease and warmth even in the digital age of texting.
Learning to write gracious thank you letters is a sign of superlative social skills in business.
Hand Written Thank You Letters Still Rate in the Digital Age
Ever since the advent of emailing going mainstream 20 something years ago, most people in business settings just send a thank you note by email. And when you’re job interviewing, you must send an email thank you note. Thank you letters are still required etiquette in business as well as personal settings.
But to truly standout both in business and interpersonal social settings, your writing and sending handwritten thank you letters makes you stand out and truly impress people.
Guess what? This is an important social skill for single people to incorporate to develop their social skills and business prowess. Because you were looking for a quality mate, not just anyone, right? You both need to learn to do this and to recognize the additional layer of class attribute this signals the letter-writer possesses.
Those are the people to date and socialize with because their social circle is likely to have a few greater levels of class and refinement which can matter for you professionally, as well.
When I worked at BHP Minerals, it was a given that there was to be business socializing among the managers and executives. Because of that business social more, having a partner or spouse who could move comfortably in that arena mattered.
If your partner doesn’t already have this skill, you’ll need to educate them gently over time.
This isn’t about being stiff and formal in this day and age in business. It’s about grace, poise, and polish. Most of all, it’s about being gracious – thanking people and making them feel comfortable, appreciated and welcome and putting others at ease.
But what do you say and how should you go about writing that thank you letter note to your hostess?
How to Write Proper Thank You Letters: To Whom to Address Your Thanks
Your soiree might have been hosted by a man, in which case, you address your thank you missive card to your host.
However, the social etiquette is that in those cases where the party or occasion was hosted by a lady, what is proper business etiquette and social protocol is to address your thank you note to your hostess.
In more formal settings where the personal and the professional society often overlap socially, if the man is the host, he will often acquire the social services of a significant lady in his life to fill the social and business etiquette role of the hostess.
In some cases, this might be done by his mother, his aunt, or a cousin. The idea is to have a woman who is not romantically attached to him if he is an unmarried man.
How to Adapt to Modern Social Conventions: Don’t Be Too Rigid and Correct! Remember to Flex Graciously
In our modern era, it is no longer uncommon to have two men or two women hosting the event you’re attending. Should you demonstrate your etiquette correctness by writing your note to a woman? Should you overlook modern social conventions for the sake of rigid proper protocol?
No! Of course not.
Remember that in all cases that protocol and etiquette are to first and foremost put others at ease, and then to fête and appreciate them.
If you overly cling to the correctness of a rigid protocol to the detriment of the others you are to honor, then you display that you lack the confidence to behave graciously and thoughtful before etiquette rigidity.
So rather than overly strictly adhere to proper protocol which here doesn’t overtly apply, apply the principle of the business and social convention. Be gracious first and foremost.
Just flex your social etiquette skills to honor them, then, instead with your written token of thanks. Address your note to both of your hosts or hostesses as the occasion warrants.
How to Write a Proper Thank You Note: When Are You Suppose to Send a Thank You Letter in the Mail?
We are already presupposing that you know you will stand out by sending a handwritten thank you letter and that you’re not just emailing over a thank you email message, right? OK, good. Those are ok. And, in fact, because of modern social and business conventions, you will actually need to do both.
Why both?
Because if you only send out your wonderful and marvelous handwritten thank you letters and put them in the mail, the recipient may not receive it for at least 2 or 3 days. What happens then? In the case of a job interview applicant, others were likely interviewed today as well as your, right? Most of them probably sent out their thank you emails this evening at the end of the day when they got home. So the hiring manager got all of their emails later that afternoon or certainly by the next business morning in the office email box.
Your note wasn’t there.
And now they are letting the HR manager know whom to reach out to and arrange next interview and next steps.
You really impressed them. The manager thought you were a wonderful candidate who really stood out. But wait. What happened here? No thank you email? Doesn’t this person know to do that? I thought this was a solid business professional who understands the personal side of business. I guess I was wrong…. And then you lose your spot on the Next Steps List.
By the time your fantastic personally handwritten thank you note arrives, you blow them away. But HR has already moved on with the hiring process and you’re too late to be included in the next round.
So, you do need to craft and send out a thank you email note. And then hand write your personal thank you card to the hiring manager.
While ideally as the invited guest you are supposed to write and mail out your thank you card note to your hostess within about 24 hours of the occasion. The late Princess Diana was well-known for doing this religiously with a personal gracious touch. Her sending her hand written thank you cards out that very night upon returning home was even cited in some of the early TV movies depicting her life, she was so well-loved.
For the rest of us, however, in real life, if you mail you thank you note out within a few days of the event, you are still behaving with proper and gracious business etiquette and suitable social protocol. Which means, if you write it tomorrow morning after you have imbibed your morning coffee so you are fully awake and your brain is fully functional and in gear, that’s ok!
Related Articles on Business and Social Etiquette:
Winning Ways at Work
Business and Social Etiquette
Biz Talk: Cultivating Communication at Work
Cheers and blessings,
April Braswell
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