Dating Advice for Guys Too Young for Singles Bars from an Expert
A question I repeatedly receive via email and on radio shows is from the single guys who are 18,19, and 20 years old who are too young to go to the cool local singles bar scene and yet they have already graduated from high school and aren’t hanging with the girls their own age exactly anymore on a daily basis the way they did while there were in High School every day of the week. These single Millennial generation guys are looking for tips for where to meet the hot chicks, aka pretty gurls off of the Apps and their smart phones. Where can young guys meet and congregate casually with young women before they’re really ready for a major relationship?
Note: 2019, the guys that age now are no longer The Millenials. The Generational name to-date as a placeholder is Gen Z. I kindah like iGen, myself, but we’ll see.
1. Very Young – The Bars Are Not Your Friend
When you are that age, bars are certainly not your best friend. When you’re young, you generally haven’t learned how to handle your alcohol, and will often be diminished should you manage to pick someone up for a one night stand. Or worse, like the movie, “Knocked Up,” you will manage to function just fine in bed and live to regret the results anyway.
2. You Need to Hone Your Social Skills in a No-Kill Zone
Secondarily, unless you really are TBMOC The Big Man on Campus or Alpha Male, competing with the rest of the throng of single peer-age guys is too much. You’re really competing at a very superficial attraction level in a very short period of time of maybe an hour or 2, and that’s no way to develop your interpersonal social and relating skills which honing will benefit you now as well as later in life when maybe at least a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship appeals to you. You don’t need to be skillfully one-upped by some guy aiming for a hookup while you’re just trying to get some social skill practice in and actually learn a thing or two, right?
All the better to look for other locations for meeting and flirting with the opposite sex.
When you are eighteen or nineteen and you’re not headed off to a Four Year college or university program, that is totally cool. You might be more of a kineasthetic learner who learns best by “show me and now let me do” as your learning modality. That is perfectly fine. Not everyone’s professional career path is nurtured and enhanced by spending 4 years at college.
3. Community Colleges Can Prove Useful
Even while you are not attending Harvard University this quarter, you can still leverage the Law of Large numbers and take a weekend seminar, a one night adult learning workshop, or even 1 single 13 week class at your local community college and meet lots of young women around your age. While you are on campus, bopping in from you day job, be sure to invest as much time as possible on campus at the local snack or dining area on campus where people congregate. You want to be sure to leverage the social hanging out time which is already made available to you there on campus.
Many of the community colleges have a CDO-Career Development Office. Check this place out even before you enroll in a single class. Many bright young women will be headed over here themselves to start the career path and destination resources in this office. While many career resource centers offer their workshops online these day, do be sure to request a listing of any live trainings they provide in order both to benefit your own work life but also to increase your opportunities to interact with girls, young women, live.
See if there are any workshops which meet for 3-6 sessions. Attending more than just 1 or 2 sessions offers you the chance to interface slowly and get a little acquainted via the interaction of the workshop. Be sure always to break the ice with others during any of the breaks. Simply asking for change, you left your debit card at home – for the vending machine can serve to break the ice and offer you a neutral food selections topic for a brief verbal conversational exchange without taking much of a social risk. The need to return on time to the workshop gives everyone a graceful out exit strategy.
4. Shopping Mall Food Courts
I know. It feels like high school all over again, doesn’t it? But guess what? Plenty of young women who are taking a part-time course load at the local community college work at the shopping malls.
Anyone who works at any of the stores has to eat, even if she brings her own meal.
The tables in the food court are typically open to any patron of the mall. Be sure to sit near but not next to others, leaving yourself open to able to break the ice with a young woman who sits near you.
Influence Power Tactic to Suggest Social Interaction: Feel free to take up a table meant for 4 as 1 person just before a meal rush so that a new young woman looking to eat her dinner during her 30 minutes meal break might ask if she could share the table with you. You know those tables for 4 which are really 2 seaters next to each other? Those. Pick one and spread your stuff out on all four seats until the crowd starts. Then only remove your things from the seat directly across from you. Then the one next to you. That bit of empty space invites others to be interested in sitting there and to solicit you to ask if she could sit there. Then, be sure to carry a conversation starter or notice and leverage hers to break the ice while she’s eating her dinner next to you.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Follow and Engage with April on Twitter: @AprilBraswell
Jose Escalante says
October 24, 2009 at 11:34 PMGreat tips April for the younger set.
Jose Escalante
Keri Eagan says
October 24, 2009 at 11:37 PMGood for young people to explore options other than meeting in bars. In my country we have a serious binge drinking culture that I find disturbing. Many young people here have no clue what to do if they aren’t boozed up. Particularly dangerous for girls.
My children aren’t quite old enough to date, but you can be sure I’ll be noting your suggestions to encourage them towards a healthy attitude towards meeting people.
Keri Eagan
Rob Northrup says
October 25, 2009 at 12:04 AMAnyplace where people of common interests meet is an excellent starting point– whatever the hobby or interest…
from a shooting range,
to a church group,
to a bowling league…
Seize the Day,
Rob
Katie says
October 25, 2009 at 12:23 AMGood tip for daters of all ages. In an academic setting the barriers are a little more broken down. It’s easier for either side to approach than at other places. More opportunities to have a quick quiet conversation.
I find airports and flights to be hot spots for me. The last flight I was on I had 3 men ask me out . . . and 2 were not even on my flight! The first time this happened I was 19, traveling to the homeland (Boston) and struck up conversation with with a gentleman at a soon to be rival school. We’ve been fast friends ever since.
Katie
John Ho says
October 25, 2009 at 6:53 AMApril,
Good to see you cater for all age groups in your advice and guidiance!
I suppose due to their relative inexpereince with life in genreal, this 18-20 years old need more hand holding to do the signel dating right.
John Ho
Steve Chambers says
October 25, 2009 at 9:36 AMYoung people shouldn’t be concerning themselves so much with dating and relationships. They should focus on preparing themselves for a career and the life ahead of them. There is plenty enough time to find a mate or stable relationship after age 25.
Of course few people adhere to this advice, which is why so many people have messed up relationships and lives.
Steve Chambers, Body Language Speaker
Lynn Lane says
October 25, 2009 at 10:49 AMApril,
Ahh…Yes. I remember 18 -20 years old. You give some great advice for these ages. When you can find people with common themes that is also a great place.
Gym – Yoga Class – Spin – Karate – Kick Boxing –
Lynn Lane–>The Warrior Of Success
Vick says
October 25, 2009 at 3:43 PMGreat ideas for the younger crowd. Sometimes the bar scene is over rated. There will be plenty of time to hit the bars later in life. If kids are smart it would be best to follow the laws about alcohol until they are 21. There are plenty of activities that don’t have to have alcohol involved.
Vicki http://www.bridal-threads.com
Robert Martin says
October 25, 2009 at 6:38 PMWhere were you when I needed you. I need to get my daughter on your blog she will love it.
Robert Martin
Jennifer Battaglino says
October 25, 2009 at 7:39 PMGood advice for what I would think is a hard age group to work with if they are not in college. This is probably the biggest pool of singles you will ever see and given all that time in one place to explore.
College isn’t for everyone so good thing this age group has you to guide them!
Jennifer Battaglino
The Harwood Group – Tinnitus, Chronic Illness, Fears, and Anxiety
Kate McKeon says
October 25, 2009 at 10:43 PMIf you are not affiliated with a school, go get affiliated with a school – even if just a fan.
I think of Good Will HUnting when reading this post. Go be around your age group – the folks you want to be around. Sure you can hang at construction jobs (I had one!), but your best mating bets are probably in class.
Go flirt!
Kate
Lisa McLellan says
October 26, 2009 at 12:56 PMGreat tip for those 18, 19, and 20 year olds who aren’t in college. I never would have thought of that! I’m with Kate. I thought of Good Will Hunting as well when I read this post.
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services – Babysitter in your area
Martin says
October 27, 2009 at 10:53 AMIn the UK, there is a bar/pub “culture” available from age 18.
Is there much binge drinking? Yes.
Is there much dating? Yes.
There is also much internal strife…Out with my mates or Out with my date?!
Work, Gyms and Further education courses are also popular dating zones.
Darryl Pace says
October 27, 2009 at 2:42 PMMy brother and I sometimes joke about young people in college being unaware of the gold mine they’re in, dating-wise. Never again in life will the young person be in continual close proximity to so many people their age as they are at college.
For those not attending college, they need the tips in this post!
Health, Fitness for Working People — Darryl Pace
Hezron says
October 29, 2009 at 7:17 PMThis is directed at Steve Chambers
You are right about young people focusing on school and getting a career BUT,
here in Canada, stats show that the age to find a partner is in College. More people, similar interests. As a college grad, I don’t think I am a dating/relationship turd but it is so hard to meet people once I am in the “real world”. To find suitable partners gets more difficult to meet people. Work hours, selectivity do come into play. After 25, the eligible dating pool shrinks. I am 36 now and I feel the dating pool is downright horrible for me (unless I really enjoy dating, what I call “loser women”, “jaded women” and women who are interested in my $$$$$.
Hezron says
October 29, 2009 at 7:25 PMApril,
I understand the fact that some young people may not be ready for college. Basing on my experience, young men 18-24 who are not in school, better have a decent paying job (with a high school education, more likely to be working a minimum wage job). If I were to be a woman in college, studying hard, why would I want to date a guy who appear on the surface level, little ambition?
Sharon Baker says
November 5, 2009 at 5:56 PMWhen it comes to meeting and dating women, I got turned onto foreign women when I started traveling. There should be a saying once you go with foreign women, you never go back.
Sharon Baker says
November 12, 2009 at 11:23 AMWhen it comes to meeting and dating women, I got turned onto foreign women when I started traveling. There should be a saying once you go with foreign women, you never go back.
Wanda Arca says
March 20, 2011 at 12:57 PMI’d like to have a boyfriend but I don’t want to make a fake id just to go to a singles bar.
Tom B says
April 3, 2011 at 1:17 PMYour ideas are fresh April. I find it difficult to know where or how to meet the hot girls around here now that I’m not in high school anymore. Seems most of them want a college guy.