Love Laws: Being Kind Creates Attraction in a Relationship
1 Corinthians 13:4: Love is Kind….
There are so many myths and misinformation out there are about dating relationship advice to singles. I hear repeatedly from both single men and single women at my internet dating workshops about how confusing it is. Plus what is even worse is when a guru gets a platform, like a local radio show, and it turns out his has been repeatedly divorced, and yet he now then turns around and churns out PUA Single Women Dating Tips to guys who are starved for helpful information about creating initial attraction with a woman as well as how really to develop a long term serious relationship with.
The resulting disaster is that the very tactics which might work to create an immediate PUA result is precisely the sort of behavior that professional quality single women know hurts them. So as a single guy, listening to them and following their advice, which perhaps at best works for them with the women they are attracted to, and if you were to follow, you would be blowing your chances with top quality women who want to be loved.
So what does work to create long term attraction in a serious love relationship?
Love Laws: Being Kind Is Attractive in a Relationship
An initial surge of chemistry can be created by being the cocky funny guy or the vampy gal. And it’s fun for awhile, and good flirt. However, flirting is to help create sparks and interest, to desire to become better acquainted.
Date 4, 5, and 6 – True Colors Revealed
If the single you’re interested in gets to what is underneath that fascade and finds you lacking in character and kindness, then you won’t get past a third date together. It’s around Dates 4, 5, and 6 where just more of our three dimensionality as a person start to be revealed. We are engaging in longer dates like day hikes on Angel Island followed by a romantic dinner overlooking the San Francisco Bay.
Love Laws: How Can You Discern Their Kindness?
Are you kind? Do you treat others kindly? Do you treat the wait staff and host staff at the restaurant kindly? Smart, savvy, and sophisticated singles know that how we treat people who are to serve us shows our true colors about the quality of our heart and our character. Wait staff on a level have to take it if we are jerks or shrews to them. Do you treat them that way? Or do smile and readily pay the bill as the gentleman? Do smile and say thank you when they place your plate before you? Do you smile and thank your date for a lovely evening, ladies?
These are just the small early indicators of a kind and loving person.
Love Laws: Why Does Kindness Matter So Much in a Relationship?
I point out how important KINDNESS is. Because when you are married, things like The Flu, and Colic, and Surgeries at the Hospital, will become part of your long term serious relationship together. You will become a family together.
Love Laws: Are They Kind to Your Family?
Is he kind to your mother? He needs to be, even if she is a challenge, which is so often a BS thing purported in Movies and Television. Quite funny and humorous in that arena. However, in real life, she is often so delighted that her son has landed himself a beautiful, thoughtful, and caring woman. A wonderful addition to the family.
How you are now is how you will be with her when she might need a wheelchair, either temporarily or permanently?
When you are married, there is the kindness, caring, and tender gestures, the kind caresses when you and your children are sick.
Love Laws: Do They Return the Kindness of the Older Generation?
Also, there is the kindness shown to our parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. The older generation needs a return of love, support, and caring kindness that they gave to us when we were infants and children.
When you select a spouse, ponder and ask yourself, “Will they be kind to me when I am not looking my most beautiful as I do today? Will they be kind to my mother and to my sister when they have a health ailment we need to help with?”
When you can answer, “Yes,” confidently to those questions, you just may find that a part of your heart opens. It’s like an exhale of breath.
You each realize you can trust the other person, and allow a few of your guarded walls down to letting love flow into and around your life. Because of the Love Law: Kindness Is Relationship Attractive. You can depend on it.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
The Marriage Minded Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
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Neil Dhawan says
October 3, 2011 at 5:02 PMApril,
This is a knocked-outta-the-park HOMERUN article! One thing I pay attnetion to – with people, in general – is how they treat the wait-staff at a restaurant, it tells a lot about the person. Unfortunately, most guys desperately turn to PUA “Gurus” simply for a one-nighter, rather than try to find that quality woman to share their lives with.
Stay Amazing and Do Extraordinary Things, Neil
Age is a Number
Body Language says
October 3, 2011 at 6:04 PMWhat does PUA mean?
Kindness is a thing that is definitely looked for constantly, and is a “if you are kind to me, I will be kind to you” kind of thing. like trust, it is given at first, earned next.
Thanks for the article April.
Mark Hogan
Dennis Perry says
October 3, 2011 at 7:15 PMApril,
This article shows great insight into what it takes for a lasting, loving relationship. As Neil stated above, a good indicator of a person’s true character is how they treat servers in a restaruant. Watch closely, that is often who they really are just as you point out.
Dennis
Michael Paulse says
October 3, 2011 at 7:51 PMApril, If a person cannot manage kindness when they are out on their good behavior, there is little hope for when things become routine. Your Love Law: Kindness Is Relationship Attractive rings true to me.
Home Storage and Organization for the Harmonizing Thinker
Andrew Miner says
October 3, 2011 at 8:17 PMGreat advice on the Love Laws here for single people looking to find a mate online or in person. Kindness really is the key factor and character trait of someone who is long-term quality.
Andrew
http://www.andrewminer.net/the-benefits-of-outdoor-exercise-san-diego-style/
About body language says
October 3, 2011 at 11:00 PMApril, your love laws of dating not only work for the over 40 crowd but for any crowd wanting a serious relationship. Thanks for your expert dating advice.
Scott Sylvan Bell
The body language
Now go implement!
Annie Born says
October 3, 2011 at 11:19 PMLove Laws Awesome!
Simply Brilliant!
Looking forward to tomorrow!
Create a great day!
Time to Care for the Caregiver Now?
Rob Malone says
October 4, 2011 at 2:17 AMGreat article April. I really focus on being kind to everyone. And you are so right about stuff happening in marriage.
Our second daughter had a horrible case of colic – literally cried 24/7 for about 6 weeks. She would only sleep for about 15 minute intervals every few hours then wake up screaming. I would take her and drive around from 11:00 p.m. to about 4:00 a.m. so my wife and older daughter could get some sleep. It was a very difficult time.
And then last year my wife battled breast cancer and again it was a challenge taking care of her and two teeenage daughters during her chemo treatments. But after each adveristy our marriage has only strengthned because of our commitment to be kind to each other especially during the difficult times.
John Moulder says
October 4, 2011 at 2:57 AMGood article April , the judging of peoples habits at a dinner or lunch is a sneaky but revealing look at their inner workings . Excellent .
Clare Delaney says
October 4, 2011 at 4:46 AMWell done April, absolutely spot on! If a date isn’t kind when they’re on their supposed best behaviour, he or she won’t be kind in any relationship. Great post!
EcoExpert
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Sonya Lenzo says
October 4, 2011 at 6:14 AMAMEN!! This is certainly one of the first things I look for!! If someone is not treating others in their life kindly (family) or strangers (wait staff) what hope do I have that they will treat ME kindly when the chips are down? And kindness is the one trait that I really want.So if I am not seeing it on the first few dates, it is wise to move on before anything develops.
Sonya Lenzo
Cherie Miranda says
October 4, 2011 at 10:53 AMI love this post, April. It’s so true. Kindness is a BIG attractor. I can’t think of many things as important in a long term relationship.
Cherie Miranda
Profiles in Meditation: The David Lynch Foundation
Kevin Bettencourt says
October 4, 2011 at 1:51 PMThis post reminds me of the last thing my grandmother said to me before I moved across country. “Always let Naomi know she is your best girl.”
The Knowledge Stylist says
October 4, 2011 at 4:31 PMThanks for the info, April. Although waiting until the 4th, 5th or 6th dates to have your personality show through seems like a little long wait to me–I’d want to show more 3 dimensionality earlier, but I can see your point. Tough thing is how many people will be patient enough to give things 4 dates?
TKS
http://theknowledgestylist.com/genres-of-dance-music-5-main-types/
Michael D Walker says
October 4, 2011 at 8:35 PMI think this is one of the best posts you’ve ever written, April, and I agree 100% with it.
Michael
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