Internet Dating Textetiquette Texting Tip #8 for Singles: Throw Em a Bone

Even with all of the Texetiquette tips I’m giving to internet dating singles with texting and Communication Phase guidelines for moving from first contact at the online dating sites through the white waters to the First Date, even with rules, remember to be gracious.

Keep this principle in mind.  There are rules of etiquette.  For example, there are finger bowls.

One of the guidelines of good etiquette is the foundational reminder that etiquette is not there to be a stickler for the rules to lord that over others who do not know better.

Rather rules of etiquette are there so we can be gracious and put people at ease for their enjoying an elegant and gracious experience.

So back to our finger bowl example.

Finger bowls are there for you to rinse your finger at the end of a food course.  Some people don’t know this.  And they will have water in them with a spritz of lemon then added to the water.  You can already imagine the potential faux pas that might occur.

Some people pick them up and drink the water.

If you aren’t already familiar with them and don’t know what they’re for, well, you can completely understand how that would happen.

So what is the gracious hostess supposed to do when one of her guests drinks the water from the finger bowl?  Is she supposed to gasp aghast in horror, throwing her hand across her mouth crying out in awestruck anguish?  Is she to poke the person next to her point broadly and ridicule the guest at her table?

Yes she knows better.  But her primary role as a hostess is not to Be Correct.  Her raison d’être as a Hostess is to BE Gracious and to put her guests at ease.

So what IS she supposed to do?

She is supposed to pick up her own finger bowl in a neutral nonchalant manner poised like this is NORMAL and drink the water from her own finger bowl.  Why?  Because by her doing so as the One Who Leads all things at the table, like you are not supposed to put the first bite of food into your mouth starting the meal until AFTER your hostess does, she demonstrates to all that THIS is THE THING TO DO and that it is perfectly normal and acceptable.

How then am I relating this to texting singles?  Well, if your Prospective Date does text you first  thing in the morning or after 10:00 pm at night, or in the middle of your work day morning, you are not to respond in a text snit harumph and correct them via text.

You might not respond right away because there is still your job and your work and your clients and your life.

However, when you do respond, you respond kindly while still briefly.  And the when you talk by phone later and they say something about your not complying with their every text request, well that is then your gracious opportunity to say a little something albeit sweetly.  “Oh yes, my goodness.  I’m busy during the work day and can’t respond to personal texts at work.  [Now reinforce the good behavior… ] I’m so glad you phoned and we had the chance to talk.  I’m one of those people who prefers talking to a live person than to texting so much.  When were you thinking of our getting together?”

BTW, did you notice you didn’t then give them a communication ultimatum?  Nope.  You left them their autonomy.  They may or may not comply with it. But at least that way, you have been gracious and sweetly let them about you without there being any criticism or “correcting” sort of tone from you.  However, they may not phone again.  That is ok.  From your side, you were gracious, accommodating and still yourself with your communication boundaries.

So yes, aim for proper Textetiquette between singles.  However, remember the REAL point of all etiquette is to be gracious and put others at ease.  So, throw ’em a bone and help them out sweetly when the phone.  When you do you are already 97% of the way there to the First Date!

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell