Internet Dating Textetiquette Texting Tip #3 for Singles: He Said She Said

Just when you thought that single male / female communication couldn’t get more challenging, we introduced texting just to add another layer of challenge and difficulty.

The communication phase of internet dating where singles are segueing from having just exchanged phone numbers over to actually asking for and arranging the first date really does become a minefield for modern day single men and women.

In teleconference group coaching calls and live workshops with single guys and gals, I joke about it.  Because you have to joke about it.  It’s a challenge.  Everyone feels it.  And it really can be confusing.

Modern singles have a great difficulty before them.  On one hand there is the behavior and expectation which makes it all a lot easier for us to meet and date.

We in the States and Canada enjoy a very casual social and dating culture.

On one side, that makes for great freedom and liberty.

However, when you lack very specific rules, things really can get confusing.  Both single men and single women are sitting there wondering what the other is truly communicating with the texting they are doing and not doing.

• “What does he want?”
• “Doesn’t he know to phone me to ask for the date?”
• “Why is she being so high maintenance?”
• “Why hasn’t she sent me photos of her?”

Men are texting single women thinking they are doing modern day chatting and connecting.

Single women receive their texts, and a few are ok.  But if you text after 9:30 pm at night with someone who is still a complete stranger, yup, well, there’s no way around it.  That’s rude.  I can put it more softly.  It is ill-mannered.  For a fuller coverage of that aspect of phone and textetiquette, read my post about Online Dating Phone Etiquette.  Most singles who are being ill-mannered about the phone simply aren’t thinking and aren’t thinking things through.

He sends her a text message and opening communication foray just to break the ice.  And what just happened is she is immediately forming an opinion of him.  In all likelihood she just had at least a glimmer of a thought that he is a wuss.  At least a little bit of a wuss.  Because one he got her phone number to ask her out for a date like he said when he asked for her number, he then soft-peddled and didn’t do.

Women give single men their phone number for a reason: Because you asked her for her phone number to ask her out on a date.

When you then use her phone number to behave like you are buddies and not to man up and actually ask her out on a date, then you start to annoy her.

Guys don’t even realize this.  She thinks you are a wuss.  And your wussy behavior is annoying her and interrupting her day.

Did you really expect her to want to chit chat with you over her breakfast coffee when she has not even met you yet?

And yet in a guy’s mind, this is kinda fun social behavior.

In her mind it’s not.  She might be at work already.  If not, she is getting ready for work.  Then she is at work.  And in her mind, she is not slightly fretting, aren’t you ladies?

Guys, you didn’t mean to trigger her fretting, did you?

She is slightly fretting and worrying over responding to.  Should she interrupt her workday and jeopardize her work schedule and job just to reply to your, “Hey, good morning,” message?

And yet, if she doesn’t reply to you, then you start to think that is high maintenance, right?  “Why isn’t she responding to me?  Didn’t she want to go out with me?”

You both start to have these little questioning and attraction diminishing thoughts.  And the longer that you allow this to go on, the more the attraction diminishes.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about the importance of TIMING after the phone number exchange.  Until then…..

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell

Internet Dating and Relationship Expert

as seen in “Dating for Dummies” 3rd Edition

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