7 Fun Tips For Your Success at Online Dating Sites

7 Fun Tips For Your Success at Online Dating Sites

Internet personals dating can be such fun when you approach it with a fun-loving attitude.

Online Dating is like going to a party! Rock on and have fun!

Here are 7 quick tips to apply and have fun from your Online Dating Romance Coach to get you started:

1. Let’s Party!

For singles, joining an internet dating site is like heading out to party this weekend. Remember in high school and college when there were fun parties to attend EVERY weekend? Online dating sites offer you that fun again – only you can access it and get an invitation to the party from the comfort of your living room while sipping your coffee.

2. Preparing for the Party: Look your best!

Remember back in High School and College on Friday and Saturday night hanging with your friends and shooting the breeze about the fun parties this weekend? Men, you are going to laugh when you read this, but indeed, the ladies will get together, have high tea if you were attending one of the 7 Sisters Colleges like I did (Smith College, thank-you very much. Yes, the largest all women’s college.) . Or we call it Cocktail Hour and Girls Night Out. We would gaggle and talk about what outfits we would wear, how we were going to do our hair. In short, we would socialize and invest a lot of time and effort in LOOKING OUR BEST for the parties.

And yet when you take a look at a lot of the singles and their online dating site profiles, it leaves you wondering about their internet dating skills, doesn’t it?

What were they THINKING to post that picture? Don’t you own a digital camera by now? I know. We have all seen those pix where the poor slob stood in front of his desktop and used a his cell phone to take his photo. And that is the one he posted. Gentlemen, if that is you I’m describing, it’s ok. I’m here to help you. But PLEASE let me help you. You are probably totally craving a great sex life on a regular basis and desiring an actual romantic relationship with a wonderful woman as your life partner. But when she sees that dorky photo in your online dating profile, well, I’m sorry, but she is already thinking to herself, “This guy doesn’t even know how to treat a lady. Not only won’t he open the door for me, but at the end of some really cheap first date, this kind of a guy just might then ask me to GO DUTCH.”

Trust me. There will be no good night kiss and NOT second date then.

She will think, “This guy doesn’t know what he is doing!” You may be lovely and have a ton to offer a girl, but she won’t perceive it in how you are presenting yourself online. And then you’ll be stuck at home alone again on Friday and Saturday night without a date left to hoping for casual sex encounters and downloading internet porn. (Men tell me this. It’s ok. I understand. I want to help you get out and find that great girl for you so you have other options!)

3. Make your entrance!

When you visit the online dating sites (Match.com, and Yahoo! Personals, are leading the way, so I always recommend joining them to start and then add something like Lavalife.com after about 6 weeks.) you joined, you are making your Party Entrance. Post your profile with your excellent pix, and glowing while truthful positive presentation of your most interesting self. Make your online dating entrance!

And now it is time to take a look around and see who your other party goers are – where they are from and what they do. Who is there who interests you? Do you both love spending your Sundays hiking? Or do you both want to head out to the ball game or the ball room on the weekend?

Gentlemen, when you see a lady who interests you, it is better that you would write a short note that is uniquely written and addressed to her. Tell her what you found interesting in her profile. Yes, DO tell her she is beautiful and has just a dazzling smile so you were drawn to read her profile. Then say SOMETHING that demonstrates you actually scanned her profile.

Trust me. We recognize the pre-fabbed spammy notes that are addressed to “hey beautiful” and are just a copy and paste job of the text of your profile. Better to write a short note that is to her than a spam note that leaves it up to her to make the initial conversation.

4. Make a MOVE!

I know. I have heard it from other dating coach experts, and they are perfectly well qualified. They are advising the women to make the first move at the internet dating sites.  Now the only one who I’ve heard who put it well was Rachel Greenwald in her superb book (I add it to all my client’s dating reading list.), “How to Find a Husband after 35.” She suggests a very light and brief little email to a man about how MATCH had matched them and who was she to tempt fate. Perfect. And then she says in all other cases, Be Feminine and let him be the man.  What that means is The Man does the asking out for a date and pursues the lady.

The others who suggest longer email first moves by the women, well , they are young single guys who want the women to make the first overture so they can retain their egos. Boys. No problem. If that is what you want – boys and going nowhere relationships without commitment. Well then, go ahead. But if what you want is a MAN. Well….

Men make the first move. They can’t help it. They have testosterone. It DRIVES them to action.

Now, Reading Body Language research shows that a woman DOES indeed make an initial move, but it is not an overt gesture. She does not move across the room to the man. Instead, like the male peacocks in the animal kingdom, she PLACES herself and she makes a DISPLAY of her beauty, sexual magnetism and social poise. And then she LOOKS at the man and smiles. She has indicated her receptivity to his masculine advances, all doing so in a feminine manner. Because let’s be real here, men have the testosterone and must have a physical response to US or certain things just AIN’T going to work when you get in the clinch.

So, we display ourselves and wait to see, “Does this male of the species have sufficient testosterone to pursue what he wants – ME?!”

And if he doesn’t, well, don’t bother with them because that then means he is NOT for you. Ladies, you want to be with a man who WANTS and CRAVES you enough to pursue you. Once dating, it is a minuet and overtures are mutually made, but at the start, it is the man who approaches the lady.

Now mind you, this is not to be strident. Does the lady NEVER make an overture? Of course there are times when she does. But as a Dating Guideline and Dating Best Practice, masculine men pursue and feminine ladies receive.

5. Be Gracious

Unfortunately at internet dating sites as in all things on the internet, we can revert to our poor manners because we are not doing so to someone’s face. But still, it IS another human being on the other side of the screen. Please DO use your good manners, ok?

Gentlemen, that means, write actual emails to HER, not pre-fabbed spam notes which you use to solicit 50 women and see who responds. Not even the PUAs ever suggest using the EXACT same approach with every woman like she was an inflatable blow-up doll. All the dating experts who are actually worth our salt recommend varying your approach a little based on the woman.

Ladies, you be gracious, too! Just because you get to enjoy all those men sending you so many overtures, doesn’t mean you just delete the ones who don’t interest you. BE GRACIOUS! Send a polite, firm, sweet, and direct note saying,  “Thank you for the compliment of your interest in me. However, I am not interested. Good luck in your search.”

Now, we all have the cocktail fodder stories of the men who then displayed their insecurities by replying to your gracious note with belittling remarks. Just like so many men related to me stories of the women who open their personal notes and don’t even have the courtesy to say, “No thank you.”

So, after you send that gracious rejection, you might want to block him from sending you any further emails. Gentlemen, if you see that she did this with you, please know this is NOT a reflection on you. It’s because of some jerks who came before you and we are being protective of feminine selves. The males of the species who did stupid ill-mannered things before you. Actual adult men are protective and providing to all women, protecting us as ladies. The clods who came before you did not. You can know it is NOT a reflection your gallantry.

6. Let’s Party!

DO keep the goal in mind.

Remember you are here to GET MORE DATES and to MEET MORE PEOPLE.

Do NOT do all of your prescreening qualifying via the internet dating emails.

You need to actually MEET. You have to.

With Online Dating, otherwise you can be exchanging emails for weeks and be totally smitten with the fantasy of the great fit you two have and then met and know in 3.2 seconds that there is NOTHING between you two. And then you can kick yourself for having wasted weeks and maybe months if it somewhat long distance when you should have been investing your time in a relationship that is real and that could actually WORK.

“The Rules for Online Dating” recommends setting the date within about 3 or 4 emails.  I will add that there need to be at least 2 or 3 emails to connect a little and to establish that the singles can each manage the social graces of small talk and social poise.  The spamming 1st Online Dating Site emails which provide personal contact information are akin to those who want to get to it in sex without foreplay.  Get a clue.  The seduction, the getting to know each other a little bit and building anticipation is MUCH more fun in singles dating.  Don’t neglect it.

Gentlemen, if you send those emails, do not be offended and surprised when the beautiful women you are approaching don’t respond favorably.  Ladies, remember to be gracious.

7. Getting into the VIP Lounge!

So, when you emailing, remember to aim to get to the VIP room – A DATE!

You want to meet this person who is YOUR personal VIP! You need to MEET to see if there is sufficient chemistry between you two. When the exchange is only online, 98% of it is fantasy because we just do NOT know them yet. We can’t. We only know really 1 or 2 percent of what the other single person is like. And our brain fills in the other 98% with our ideal.

Then what do we have?

A fantasy.

So, do warm things up on the internet and exchange 3 or 4 emails as social warm up and display of social poise and agility. And then make plans actually to MEET. Aim for that VIP lounge of your First Date.

However, if after a few emails you are NOT interested in the person, bow out gracefully. And DO say something.  Don’t be rude and just leave the other person hanging.

Ladies: “I just don’t FEEL this is a fit for me. Thanks and good luck in your search.”

Gentlemen: “You’re such a beautiful girl, but I just don’t think you are the one for me. Good luck in your search.”

And move on and set some dates for this weekend! Not only are there plenty of fish in the sea, there really IS someone for everyone. And the only way you are going to meet that special someone for YOU is by… getting out and meeting them!

Have fun and play safe!