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Do I Have to Wait Until My Life Is Perfect Before I Attract My Soul Mate?

Do I Have to Wait Until My Life Is Perfect Before I Attract My Soul Mate?

Does My Life Have to Perfect Before I Attract My Soul Mate and Lasting Love?


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Dating Relationship Expert Answers Single Never Married Singles’ Question

One of the questions that I continually receive from the folks who are single who are the “Single Never Married” folks is often some variation on, “April, do I have to wait until all of my life is perfectly in order before I can find a wife?”  Or “April, do I have to wait until all of my life is perfect before I can find a husband?”


Dating Relationship Expert Answers Divorced Singles’ Question

A similar idea comes from the folks who are divorced singles, looking to jump back into the dating game in the “Dating Again After Divorce” group of daters often dating after 40 and dating after 50 years old themselves.


The good news, let me tell you, is no, you do not have to wait until you are “Perfect” to find love.


Who Hasn’t Been Hit Financially in the Past 3 Years?

However, I do tell both men and women, and let’s face, who hasn’t gotten hit in some way financially with the economic downturn of the past 3 years?  So, know that the other singles who are out there might be working longer hours for less money than 3 years ago.  Or at some time in the past 3 years they lost their job and segued into a Second Half of Life career, likely more self-employed with its corresponding foundation building time and longer work hours as well.


Divorced Singles Salaries Must Stretch Further to Cover 2 Households Now

Additionally, many of the singles who are now single again after going through a divorce have less fantastic financial situations than several years ago.  Perhaps you had to sell your house at a significant loss during this downturn in the housing market to divvy up the marital assets.  Certainly, the 2 income single household is now supporting 2 separate households.  Your salary and earnings has to stretch further just on your own to support your single person’s household and dwelling.


Attraction Disaster – Newsflash No One Wants to Rescue You

I do coach both single men and single women that they have to already be solidly in the “rebuilding” phase of their career and finances.  Neither single men nor single women should be looking for a Fairy Godmother Sugarmomma to rescue him nor a wealthy Sugardaddy Prince Charming to sweep in and save her from her financial difficulties.


There is a level of attraction which I describe as “Soul Attraction” which is diminished when we are in that wounded stage where essentially to partner up with a life mate in marriage would unduly burden our spouse with us.


You might draw and attract them into the social sphere of your life now.  You might meet them now and they are in the social periphery of your life.


You Must Have Started Yourself

But in order to segue to courtship with each other, you must have resolved your financial situation yourself.  You need to have already “turned the corner” and started on the rebuilding of that area of your life.


To do otherwise does not serve to foster real life partnership with your future potential mate.  You can social and date now, polishing your dating and relationship skills.  However, you will likely not turn the corner entering the phase of a relationship which is real courtship – being sure this is your life partner and moving decidedly in that direction, building a real foundation to the relationship – until you shift your financial situation yourself from within yourself and as a result of the cumulative effect of your implementation and actions.  Until that happens, your financial sphere is a real downer.  It is like a drawing and sucking vacuum of all energy and amorous feelings.  So much energy, effort, and focus needs to go to this area of your life to mend the hole in the floor, like a leak in a ship, could sink everything out in the deep.


And yet, once mended, you can reset your course, and find lasting love with your Soulmate, as you wish.


Happy Dating and Relationships,



April Braswell

Dating and Relationship Expert

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition


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{ 16 comments… add one }
  • Neil Dhawan September 27, 2011, 7:04 PM

    Hi April,

    I think it makes good sense to have at least “turned the corner” on a financial situation before looking for that perfect someone. It does seem that people ( men and women ) are looking for that someone, not as a potential mate for life, but more of someone to rescue them from a bad situation – whether it’s financial or otherwise.

    Stay Extraordinary and Do Great Things, Neil

  • Jennifer Battaglino September 27, 2011, 7:21 PM

    Great advice as usual Ms. Braswell…which is why you are THE expert to go to.
    If we waited until all was perfect…well we’d never actually get out there and meet anyone now would we, let alone get anything done.
    Best to know what is going on in your own life, be aware of where you are in life, what you’re looking for, and move forward.

    Jennifer Battaglino
    How to Treat Veterans with Tinnitus

  • Cherie Miranda September 27, 2011, 7:35 PM

    Great post about the relationship between finances and romance. Thanks for the advice.

    Cherie Miranda

    Holistic Health Expert

  • Michael D Walker September 27, 2011, 8:13 PM

    I think it’s great that you shoot straight with people about needing to get their finances turned around before trying to get into a full time relationship.

    The Masters of the Mind: Mindset Quotes 1

  • Andrew Miner September 27, 2011, 9:41 PM

    Excellent helpful article for any Young or Old Single Guy or Girl wondering if the timing is right to Get married. The responsibility of Marriage is great.


  • Body language of lying September 28, 2011, 12:16 AM

    April, you are right. I agree with you that I dont think that a persons life has to be in complete order but on the way is a good thing menaing that I or the other person is doing what they can to do more.
    Scott Sylvan Bell
    Deceptive body language
    Now go implement!

  • Clare Delaney September 28, 2011, 9:55 AM

    April, that is such good dating advice! It’s a topic that is either overlooked or skirted over, and yet is very important. Thanks for discussing it so frankly.

    Grow your own bike!

  • Sonya Lenzo September 28, 2011, 10:38 AM

    Somewhere between complete disaster and compete perfection….
    Sonya Lenzo

  • Covert Hypnosis September 28, 2011, 1:45 PM

    “Nobody is perfect” seems true in all cases. If people waited until they were perfect, nothing would ever happen.

    Mark Hogan

  • The Knowledge Stylist September 28, 2011, 4:00 PM

    Hmmm…very interesting article about attraction, full of a lot of common sense information which isn’t always obvious to singles! Thanks for sharing April



  • Rob Malone September 28, 2011, 6:48 PM

    My philosopy is – if you wait for everything to be perfect you will be stuck in nuetral forever. Be bold and move forward.

  • Dennis Perry September 29, 2011, 3:23 AM

    These are very helpful comments. If we wait until everything is perfect, we will never get there. Where you are is good enough!

    Also agree with the financial assessment. For many if not most of world population, it has been a trying 3 years.


  • Eva Palmer September 29, 2011, 10:48 AM

    I really, really enjoyed this post!
    It was a relieve to read about “perfection”, which in Spain we describe it as the enemy of Good.
    Your advice about finnances is very intelligent! Gracias!

    Adelgazar con Hipnosis

  • Kevin Bettencourt September 29, 2011, 2:21 PM

    Perfection is something you try for and understand it will never be obtained.

  • Lisa McLellan October 1, 2011, 8:01 PM

    Ah perfection, it has eluded me for so very long. It took me about 30 years to realize that no matter how hard I tried I was never going to be perfect. But, even though I gave up believing I could ever be perfect, I still try to be so that I will always be the best I can be. Great post.

    Lisa McLellan
    Babysitting Services, Nanny Services, and Nanny agencies

  • Michael Paulse October 1, 2011, 8:45 PM

    I gave up trying to be perfect a long time ago. It’s too exhausting.

    Home Storage Organization for Your Brain Type

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