Hi. Today is my late Dad’s birthday.
I had dinner with family members this evening.
It’s interesting.
The thing is twofold.
One, I have done my own Grief 
Recovery® work around my father’s death in particular. His was the first relationship I did the action steps around, the emotional completiong action steps. I’m pretty complete with the emotions with my relationship with him.
Does that mean I never feel sad about his death?
Does that mean I never miss him?
Does that mean small little flashes of emotion don’t still pop up with him?
Nope.
The difference is that the emotions are no longer like a tea kettle with the energy and steaming rising up and BURSTING out unexpectedly.
I’m feeling a little sad.
Not totally distraught.
And I’m not isolating or keeping busy.
Two of the bigger Grief Myths about how to handle any kind of bereavement or coping with loss experiences are:
Examples of Grief Myths:
- Grieve Alone
- Keep Busy
I’m just being another human being with, yes, emotions. And when an anniversary of a birthday or death arises, well yes, I FEEL sad.
And I say it, feel it, and do the Grief Recover action steps. And complete the emotions around the relationship.
And today is one of those days.
Just keepin’ it real.
Happy Dating and Relationships.
May your life be filled with your wonderful relationships, filial and romantic!
April Braswell
Grief Recovery, Bereavement Support and Counseling Seminar, Henderson, Las Vegas
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Feel sad and celebrate a valued relationship. Miss my Dad sometimes too.
Pat
Internet Dollars for Business Owners
Thanks for the information. Remember all of the good but learn from any bad
Bob Kaufer
Sign Up for My Free Neuro Performance E Course Here
Lost my brother 23 years ago. Never stop thinking about him but came to grips with it years ago and celebrate what he brought to my life rather than get sad about it.
Christian Haller
Healthy Italian Recipes
Did you ever read Zig Ziglar’s book on this topic. I gave my mom a copy when my father died and it helped some.
Seize the Day,
Rob
April,
Your sadness towards your dad’s death is understandable. We take relationships granted until they are gone and then we miss them.
We should on one hand make the best of them while they still exist with as little attachment as possible, then when their time is up (e.g. thru’ death), just let them go.
Detachment is the key to happiness. While we detach, we still make sure we fulfill our duties of being a daughter, a wife, a mother ….. That’s “dharma.”
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
We never want to lose the memories of loved ones who have passed, we need to remember and cherish them. Your grief work seems to have been an important tool to take away some of the pain and to remember only the good things.
Steve Chambers, The Sales Expert
My father died suddenly and unexpectedly a few years back and I was unable to attend his funeral. I was far away and my family, in the shock and chaos got word to me too late to even make plans to come back home. He was my best friend and the one person I totally trusted. I had to go through grieving him and grieving missing his funeral. I had to forgive my family for how they handled things.
We talked the night before he died and had a great conversation. Our last words were I love you. I grew so much from the experienc and his death actually became a beautful thing. There is much beauty in sadness. We often just cling to the idea of the person being physically there. Often our grief can be a form of selfishness if it goes to far but that does not mean it is bad. We just have to let go like we have to let go with everything in life. Nothing is permanent especially our lives!
Keep on keepin’ it real April.
Here’s an internet hug. It’s like a real one, but on the internet.
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JJ Jalopy.
Coaching Business Advice with JJ Jalopy
This is a great post and is so well written…thank you so much for your professionalism and expertise!!!
David
April,
I know today means so much and you miss your Dad. My Dad passed about 4 years ago and I too miss him.
Thanks for keeping it real!
Lynn Lane
Success Strategies For Life
April – Thank you for your honest and heart-felt post. At this stage in our lives almost everyone has lost someone of signficance to them. The work you’ve done through your grief recovery has been instructive and helpful to many, I’m sure.
After battling with Parkinson’s Disease for 21 years, my dad died rather suddenly of a massive coronary. It was simultaneously both a shock and a relief in some ways. This weird dicotomy of emotions took a while to process, but I believe I’ve successfully dealt with the emotional intensity that accompanies such a loss and the resulting grief. The highs are no longer as high and the lows no longer as low, but the anniversary of both his death and birth always remind me of the loss.
Blessings to you!
Pam
Invest in Your Future
Hi April. Thank you for that post, and thank you for “keeping it real” and sharing with us. It sounds like you have taken steps to experience your grief without it overwhelming you. Your example is admirable.
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Sounds like maybe your own experience will help you to help others. Treasure the good memories.
Lisa McLellan, Babysitting Services – Babysitters, Nannies, and Au-pairs
April, I am so enjoying (if that word is appropriate) the grief recovery book you recommended. Thanks for doing so. I agree with Lisa’s comments above.
SunnyMarie
http://www.sunnymarie.com
when i die i hope someone throws a helluva party and celebrates my life when i’m gone. I celebrate every year for the brothers and father that passed years ago.
i still miss them.
Don Shepherd
Fishing Central Oregon
April,
Thanks for the post, truly appreciated…gave me pause for a few private moments to remember my own father.
Thanks
JC
Butterfly Marketing
Hi April,
May we all remember our dads and the amazing impact they have had on our lives! Thats how i remember my dad who died suddenly a couple of years ago!
Duane
Super-ADVANCED Persuasion Techniques
I truly relate to your post April, having lost my dad 3 months ago. And just as Anthony described above, I am growing a lot from the experience.
Yann
How to Get Organized, Stop Procrastinating, and Set Goals for Small Business Success
Yann, I had no idea. My condolences for your loss. Thank you for citing an email. I will ping you offline. I want to keep people’s PERSONAL lives private and not amplify them to 3 million people online.
Best regards,
APril
Hi Lynn,
thank you for letting me know. My condolences on your loss. The relationship never ENDS even after death. thank you for sharing how you miss your Dad as well. It helps to hear it. I appreciate your comment.
Best regards,
April
Pam, thank you. And yes, there is such a mix of emotions with most losses. Even just being able to say that there is more than one emotion seems to really help, doesn’t it?
My condolences on your own loss. I’m glad to hear that his anniversaries for you are now sweetly poignant. Did I hear that correctly from you?
Best regards,
April
Hi Don,
Indeed. And how would you like them to celebrate that party of your life? what will they do? I see perhaps a HIKE somewhere in nature…. even if they can’t make it to Central Oregon.
My condolences on your own losses. Thank you for your candor in sharing that you still miss them. Indeed. The relationship we have with them does not die with their death.
Best regards,
April
Hi Duanne,
Waving to Australia to you.
My condolences to you on the loss of your father. How delightful your remembering your dad and the amazing impact on your life he had. Is there anything in particular?
My dad loved to walk in nature. We used to do so when I was a little girl. I still love to do so and credit him with that love and nurturing it.
Best regards,
April
Hi Lisa,
yes, the metaphor we use is, “Would you want to learn to scuba dive from someone who have never been scuba diving?” I’m both a certified Grief Recovery Specialist and I use the TOOLS of Grief Recovery Process myself for my own Loss events.
Best regards, lady,
April