The Goal of Online Dating Is to Meet a Lot of Prospects – Get to First Date

OK, one of the recurring themes I have seen in some early advice about online dating back in the mid-late 1990s when internet dating was still pretty new was that singles would do a TON of email and pre-date meeting phone calls.  Thinking that by emailing and phoning for a month or more that they were well-qualifying their dating prospects.

And indeed, I have interviewed and know a number of engaged and married couples who did that.  So, yes the results have been good.

But that was then and this is now.

A few things.

1. Keep the Goal in Mind

Dating Marketing Strategy Tactic – What is the GOAL of Internet Dating?

What is the goal of internet dating?  Online Dating is a TACTIC.  It is a tactic in your total approach, aka STRATEGY (as a coach, that is how I approach it, with a strategy, a system, and structure, not haphazard).

Remember what KIND of tactic it is.  Online Dating is an area of expertise for me.  I also have an extensive Internet Marketing background for small-medium size businesses and corporations, having lived and worked in Silicon Valley since the early days of the internet.  It’s all part of it.  However, when you are single and looking, Online Dating should be ONLY ONE tactic in you whole Looking for a Life Partner STRATEGY.

Not THE ONLY ONE tactic you use! lol.  Don’t be so internet obsessed, looking at your profile and inbox that you miss the cute guy across from you trying to pick you up and get your number while you are hanging at Starbucks.  Do not be so obsessed with your online presence that you are staring at your iPhone the entire time you are at the hotel bar that you miss the hot girl smiling and trying to make body language flirting eye contact with you.  Keep some perspective and notice the people near you and around you as well.

Kind of Tactic – The Goal of Internet Dating is three-pronged:

1. Volume – You will connect with, screen, as well as MEET quite a lot of singles you have never met before.
2. Access – You will access to a TON of singles who through other roads in your life you would otherwise have never met nor seen the mutual connection with friends (Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace, Twitter – Online Dating is a specialized Sub-set of Social Media)
3. Efficiency – You CAN indeed be more efficient with your time rather than only doing  a ton of activities hoping maybe to run into other singles and hoping maybe to have some commonalities, differences, and chemistry to want to date.  You can search on criteria that matters to you.  And you can do some qualifying for conversation, relationship, and social skills.  With the niche dating sites for special interest groups by religion, hobby, location, or ethnic groups, you can be additionally efficient.

Just remember to be efficient, but not TOO efficient!  Let a little life in and leave a little breathing room for serendipity.  Because truly, you never DO know where you life partner relationship could come to you.  Some singles who met via Online Dating who liked each other but didn’t feel a personal match, made an introduction to a friend.  They met.  Dated.  And married each other.

2.  Wastes precious time when there might be NO chemistry in person

Stop wasting your precious life and segue to meet after 3-5 emails

Emailing to further connect and exchange small talk beyond 5 emails starts to acquaint you and bond with a perfect stranger who is still 98% fantasy.  Until you meet in person, you cannot validate that you have real chemistry.  Time and again singles will bond and connect and feel like “he is my SOUL MATE, we are so connected!’ or where “I stare at your photo daily you are so beautiful.”  These are not real relationships.  And then they meet and zip, no, nada, nothing in person.  No in person chemistry.

3.  Real Communication occurs in person – Words

What Do You Mean?

We will often use the same words and yet have different connotations and nuanced understandings of the words we use.  The best way to check and validate our understanding and to talk about what do you want and what do you not want in a relationship at least initially is really best done in-person.  Also, again, this more in-depth conversation of emails and phone calls and hearts attaching and bonding might prove to be completely superfluous when upon meeting you discover in 8 seconds that you have no in-person chemistry.

How religious are you?  How important are the Jewish high holidays in your religious observance?  You say you are middle of the road politically, what does that mean to you?  These things are way open ended and are much better addressed in person, after you first establish chemistry.  Or frankly, for a complete stranger who you will never even meet, it is none of their business.

Exchange 3-5 emails to demonstrate your mutual ability to converse and make small talk to qualify to get to the First Meeting, aka Date 0.  And then go ahead and make arrangements to meet within a few days – 1 week.  Otherwise, you run the risk of wasting your time with lonely people with no people skills who want to waste your time, enjoy the fantasy of a relationship, and just have an internet pen pal boyfriend/girlfriend.

Most singles online are indeed looking for a real relationship.  Once you meet in person, you can start establishing that.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell

Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert