Often singles when they are dating are envisioning these super romantic dates. And particularly the singles never marrieds are sort of flipping back and forth between serious courtship impressing each other dates (important because you are displaying your visual attractiveness in the women combined with our graciousness and essence, while the man is display the resources he gives her access to, including his intellect, reading repertoire, athletic pursuits, and lifestyle) and the desire to just hang, wear sweats, and eat pizza on the couch.
A lot of the Baby Boomer Singles have been married before, might be divorced. Might be widowed. As a generation, they are often looking sooner for a life partner sort of relationship rather than serial dating.
With that, both for Boomers and younger singles, one of the Dates I recommend a couple participate in after about the 6 week mark is to start to do SOME of the Life Sharing activities together. Yes, do go hiking this weekend if that is something you normally do, and that is not just a courting behavior that you would totally abandon within 3 months of marriage. However, beforehand, bop into the grocery store and hit the deli, pick up some sandwiches for the hike, some bottled water and some chopped fresh fruit. Even 15 – 20 minutes in the grocery store lends itself to Normal Life mode of life.
You want to start putting your toe in the wading pool of Normal Life. Because Married Life is where you share your Life with another. And Life includes buying toilet paper, weekly groceries, buying generic for some items, purchasing a name brand for another, reading labels, and buying covert amounts of junk food (ok, the small bag of potato chips so you don’t eat too many, they’re over by the deli counter). You want both to start testing the waters of how is that like with this person? As well as a gentle way to start to reveal a more fully rounded genuine you with your date. So they can see how they like sharing Life with you, wonderful you.
It is in the small things, the mundane things that married life often plays out. And it is the little stupid things over which married couples bicker and fight. When you start to share the silly normal life activities together, you start to see if you are aligned, not identical, about the stuff that makes up daily life. Not the platform of the political party where you are registered voter, but about if a brand name toilet paper matters to you both. And exchanging that information in a non-judgmental manner. Sort of observing each other. One is not right and the other wrong. It’s just that invariably you two are different. Indeed, it is the differences which make for chemistry. And you might find you change brands or try something, gasp, new as a result of your date’s input or preferences. And that contributes to life’s rich tapestry. We expand each other. The differences between you are what will stretch each of you a little and makes for part of the very purpose of relationships – to become the person you will be as a result of your knowing them. You will become a new you, more of your best self. And those are the people we always want in our lives, whether it results in marriage or not.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert
14 Comments
This is a great tip. I wish I’d had this years ago, but never too late to start right?
Testing what regular life is like is for me the real test. Otherwise how can you really tell if you can stand each other for long periods of time?
Keri Eagan
Anything Alternative
Haha! This is great! I just wrote about this on one of your other posts.
I used to take girls along with me to do my weekly grocery shopping as a first date. I hated doing the shopping and it was much more fun to do it with a pretty girl.
Also, she gets to see what my life is like, straight away. And if she’s not put off by the state of my apartment, then things are moving along very nicely indeed!
Cool post.
Hi JJ,
thanks for stopping by and commenting at my blog. Clever tactic for getting your date into your apartment straight away!
April
I don’t know about this particular one April, going grocery shopping. I don’t know of much shopping that’s a guy thing. Although now that I wrote that I know two real men who like to go grocery shopping. So I guess this will work for some.
Shopping is for the most part a social event for women. Grocery shopping takes little time out of my day. In and out in 10 minutes or less. Any more and I start getting catastrophic and frustrated.
Martin O’Connor
http://www.smallbusinessdesigncenter.com
I like your comment that it’s the differences that makes the chemistry. The result: too few differences and you get a phut; too many differences and you get an explosion; get it just right and you get a bang!!
http://www.martin-wright.com
This is perfect April. Yes, it is so important to get the real picture of your new squeeze. How do they handle everyday life? What matters to them? Excellent advice. I love your suggestions and examples. Great, great, great!
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services – Babysitters and Nannies
Who would have thought of this? Certainly not I. But excellent advice.
What a great dating suggestion, April! Doing the mundane – day-to-day stuff is what you’ll be doing for a lifetime. Why not check to see if you “a match” in this basic “life maintenance” category!
maintenance
Whole Foods is a great place to shop. And to get an idea of how adventurous a person is…
Simple Survival Tips For Disasters and Emergencies
This looks like a great way to get to know someone
Jose Escalante
http://www.joseescalante.com
The important thing is to keep dating simple and fun. At some point you’ll end up shopping together, if only to pick up a bottle of wine, and the observant person will be able to pick up a lot of clues about the other’s personality.
Steve Chambers, Sale Trainer Speaker
I like the grocery store date! In many of my local stores they have wine, live music and other tempting arrangements. That’s not quite what you’re talking about here, but it makes for interesting conversation when you see how comfortable you each are in the different parts of the grocery store. Where do you normally spend time, etc.
It’s also interesting to see the way those who regularly see me in the grocery store will respond to my date. My boys behind the butcher counter are none to pleased when I bring someone with me. But the next time I’m in only getting one steak, they usually make it extra nice!
Katie
April,
i love the idea of food shopping for building rapport AND understanding as food is so essential for daily life.
Compatibility there is crucial for a happy long term relationship.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
Great post. My wife and I dated for 4 years before we got married. During that time, we did all kinds of activities together. We went to concerts and plays, we attended church together, we hung out the “UnderGround” in Atlanta, we went to the top of Stone Mountain, and of course we worked out at the gym. So, we knew that we got along well before we tied the knot.
Health, Fitness for Working People — Darryl Pace