Part of my dating and relationship expertise is yes, I have been researching the topic for over 20 years, conduct field research, and I integrate scientic study to the advise and tips I provide. In addition to fun, zest, and a sense of humor. It’s part of my uniqueness as a coach. Yes, I integrate my Sales and Product Marketing executive background. UK’s leading Consumer Marketing Expert and I like to compare and contrast our fields because there really is a fascinating and somewhat amusing correlation between the two.
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Studies of “Pair Bonding” as the academics like to call married couples have revealed some fascinating information about some of the traits of successful long term relationships.
There is the initial chemistry which I mentioned the other day in my Dating and Relationship Behavior Contrast blog post. So much of that is a combination of psyschology and pheromones. We need to be neither too close to the target’s family pheromone signature as to be TABOO. Additionally, we do need to have sufficient pheromone signature family similarity as to be attractive. Then we do feel that surge of chemistry.
However, once in a relationship, whether in the Second Stage of Dating, Early Relationship Stage, when you have moved beyond Initial Attraction. Or for married or life partner couples as well. What is one of their essential needs?
To NOT Get Bored.
Oh not, most dreaded by so many in cultures in North America, European Union, and Australia.
Newness
We crave periodic introduction of elements of things which are NEW. They stimulate another section of our brain. We need some adrenaline surge or we feel bored and trapped. Yes, that craving can lead to marital infidelity, or it can lead to dating relationships breaking up.
However, to bring in elements of newness does not require bungee jumping levels of adrenaline. Walks on a stormy night can increase adenaline and increase feelings of arousal, actually a touch of arousing fear, in a good way. And we will then associate and attach that to our partner.
Introducing a new entre at dinner periodically is necessary least we move into a food rut, which The Art of Good Eating would certainly assist us with. However, couples actually require more newness than that. Yes, a new restaurant. Yes, a different vacation or weekend getaway destination. Perhaps some new hiking trails. Perhaps a Salsa Lesson and quick trip to RIO in Las Vegas. Or if you always go to Vegas, perhaps a ski trip to Tahoe next time. Read books. Share them with each other. Couples Communicaton Skills Workshops.
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Even in these frugal times, you can introduce elements of newness into your couple. Picnics are free and so is hiking. Mix it up a bit.
Newness Frequency:
How often is necessary to introduce elements of newness into your couple?
Something significant at least once every 6 weeks. Maybe for you, every 4 weeks.
Small things can be introduced almost once every week or two. Food newnesses. Also, seasonal food changes.
We all need the stimulation. And when you do, you foster greater long term intimacy and continual growth in your couple and in each other. Making life and your relationship more intimately loving and fulfilling.
And isn’t that what we are all craving?
Happy Dating and Relationships!
Best Regards,
April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Success Coach
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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi April,
That was a superb post!
I learnt tons of vital information to keep the fires burning in my very new relationship that is in that initial ‘attraction’ stage
You certainly are the expert in this dating field…you could be the female version of Neil Struass or David Deangelo aka Eben Pagen
Duane
Discover Secret Persuasion
Techniques that Work Like Magic by Tapping Into the Psychology of
the Mind with The Persuasion Expert Duane Cunningham!
Newness is very important to every relationship. doing the same old, same old simply gets monotonous after awhile and we need to take steps to reignite the spark of attraction.
Steve
Hi Duane,
thank you. Indeed, I am. Tee hee. And I’m prettier! They also came up from the Seduction Community and struggles segueing from that into relationship work. I love their work and find we have both great alignments and, naturally, some disagreements. Thank goodness for that or it would be… boring. Additionally, I come from the perspective of having been married and it ending because of death. Just, my being a young widow is part of my uniqueness in helping people to Let Go and Move Onto New Low. (YEs, there’s a book there. It’s in the works.)
sooooo, Attraction Stage huh. NICE!
I am SO not asking about it to be put out here online for all of the world potentially to see. Just, I am delighted for you.
Best Regards,
April Braswell
April, If this works it was my browser. That was great advice on keeping it new. I also think routines that a couple enjoys together is important. What do I know. last month, I got divorced and broke up with my girlfriend within a one week span. (I was seperated for 18 months) Mark
GlacierMarketing
I find that doing something to get out of the routine really helps
Bob Kaufer
If you MOVE like the Tin Man, you will THINK like the Scarecrow and FEEL like the Lion
Just don’t pick a NEW restaurant that you know nothing about for a date. Many of them suck. At least go someplace that is recommended…
Seize the Day,
Rob
Sales Eagles Soar Above the Competition!
This post is full of awesome advice.
I love your light-hearted, fun, compassionate and scientific approach to the art and science of dating and relationships.
Have you read David Deida’s stuff. His language is really hard work, but the message he preaches was quite eye-opening for me.
“Love through her into the belly of your yearing passion. Open her with the spear of your loins into the chasm of nothingnes…” etc etc…
If you can get past that nonsense then it’s quite useful, I think.
I enjoyed the book The Game too. It made me laugh a lot. That industry is absolutely massive now. They’re definitely an opening for more relationship-centred work within that community.
Great post!
JJ Jalopy.
Life Coaching and Home Business Advice with JJ Jalopy
Great advice again, like the idea of adding newness to link to the relationship.
Lynn Lane
http://www.Warriorofsuccess.com
Excellant post and thanks for the reference. The world needs a female version of Carlos Xuma/David DeAngleo. Looking forward to your book.
Christian Haller
http://www.christianhalleronline.com
Moving into Relationship Coaching is more broad based than Dating Coach. Or may be your previous Dating Coach clients are now settle down into a relationship, so it’s natural for you to migrate into relationship arena to sell them the second glass
)
I can’t wait the day you’re internationally well known. You deserve it with your hard work & dedication to help others!
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personalities for Better Influence & Persuasion
I like the idea of introducing something new every six weeks or so. That’s a really great goal to shoot for.
Thanks!
Pam
Great Minds, Great Wealth: How to Raise your Return, Reduce your Risk, Cut your Cost
April, Excellent advice. It is so important to keep things fresh. I think it is also important to develop rituals which both people enjoy. But then, what do I know. A month ago I divorced and broke up with my girlfriend in the same week (I was separated for 18 months)
Mark
April, I figured out the problem. My posts only show up when I do not use my links. I will try one at a time to see if it is a specific link. Mark
Marketingscoops
April, Excellent advice. It is so important to keep things fresh. I think it is also important to develop rituals which both people enjoy. But then, what do I know. A month ago I divorced and broke up with my girlfriend in the same week (I was separated for 18 months)
Mark
Marketingscoops
Great advice, April! You are so correct — newness keeps things fresh and exiting. Doing something new every few weeks is an EXCELLENT idea. While it is easy to forget to perform kind, fun, new acts for and with our significant others, we have to remember that these acts keep our relationships in the “great” category; and besides, doing new things is fun! Thank you for the tips.
Health, Fitness, Success — Darryl Pace
Well said!! I hadn’t thought about it but it seems to me that if dug down deep enough, many relationship problems would have boredom as the root, if not most. So many “urgent” issues come into play.
Thanks
JC href=”jc
WELL SAID! It seems to me that many if not most relationship problems could have boredom at the root.
Thanks for the reminder.
JC href=”jc
Say! Heres a newness idea! Wear new jewelry every date! that will keep things interesting!
SunnyMarie
The Rhinestone Renaisance Expert
http://www.sunnymarie.wordpress.com
Hi April,
variety is the spice of life. It is vital do fun and intersting things to keep the minds and bodies fresh and frisky!
Kind Regards,
Anthony
http://www.anthonylemme.com
Interesting people keep their mind open to new experiences and ideas. I would think that would be the kind of person who would be most likely to have long-term success in an intimate relationship.
-Pat
Business Owners Fast Track to Internet Profits
What a brilliant post April. Our brain needs ‘novelty’ and you have a knack to show us how to apply this in our relationships. I guess that’s why you’re a dating expert!
All the best,
Yann
I keep trying and trying April. I hope this one posts. I had much good to say but have move on to the next. Let me know when/if you get this.
Kind Regards,
anthony
Fabulous post! I love the psychology and pheramones stuff. All very interesting. And it is very tough keeping the “newness” after 20 years, but not impossible.
Lisa McLellan, Babysitting Classes – Babysitters, Nannies, and Au-pairs
April,
Still trying to post here
JC JC
Hey it worked. I posted yesterday but it got lost somewhere. I thought that you could likely attribute boredom as the root to many trials of a relationship-especially all the “urgencies
‘ that pull people in so many different directions.
Thanks
JC JC
April,
You are so right, I really enjoyed this blog; You are so informative and your ideas are great to implement in my own relationship. I as well as my husband have taken your advice and it has literally spiced up our relationship. Everyone can use a jolt sometimes and it is great to get out of auto pilot in my relationship. Even just holding hands on a walk when normally I wouldn’t make the effort to grab his hand has made us happier.
Thanks,
Mesha:)
April,
This is a really good post. Sarah and myself like to spend weekends away from each other to build up that passion in our lives again.
Both of us came from previous long term relationships that went stale. We found that in our previous relationships we became buddy buddy with our partners and lost that passion for each other. Learning from our mistakes we try to keep things new and refreshed.
I look forward to advice on how to keep a relationship exciting when you factor your first born into it and how to keep things spiced up.
Mitch
And I hear there is a new baby, so clearly you two must be doing something right romantically. Indeed, having time APART to keep freshness and the SPARK still there is ESSENTIAL. So is breathing room! I’m an extrovert and I LOVE my together time and I SO need my ALONE time. (I vant to be alone!)
Great to see your posts are getting through here!
Being in love is so wonderful!!!
David
April
You know i’m taking notes now that i’m getting back into the dating game.
thanks for doing all the research for me!
Don Shepherd
Central Oregon Expert
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