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Quick check in on Dating and Relationship Building as an Online Dating Coach

Quick check in on Dating and Relationship Building as an Online Dating Coach

Quick check in on Dating and Relationship Building from a Personal Dating Coach

Quick check in on Dating and Relationship Building from a Personal Singles Coach

Quick check in on Dating and Relationship Building as a Personal Relationship Coach

Dating Relationship Expert, Grief Recovery Method, Grief Recovery Institute, Russell Friedman,

Grief Recovery Institute - Russell Friedman with April Braswell

I was just having lunch yesterday with the Grief Recovery Institute‘s co-founder, Russell Friedman. As one who is certified and leads Grief and Divorce Recovery workshops, I, too, have done this work on my own relationships and continue to apply them in my life. So, I had some Relationships to complete and did that with him while there.  The metaphor we use from The Grief Recovery Institute is, would you want to learn to scuba dive from someone who has never been scuba diving?

We had an interesting conversation about their romantic relationship book, about how some people’s idea of DATING will never lead to a RELATIONSHIP. That in a manner, they were two worlds apart.

I agree. I read the books from the Hypnosis and NLP backgroundSeduction Community” and the PUAs. Great stuff, and like the power of applying make up and wearing a push up bra to look our best, some great material for creating great initial attraction: CHEMISTRY.

But there are two other parts of the brain which need to be engaged to attract, create, and sustain a RELATIONSHIP.

More on those tomorrow.

Happy Dating and Relationships!

April Braswell
Dating Expert and Relationship Coach

{ 23 comments… add one }
  • Christian Haller April 14, 2009, 2:06 PM

    April – Your comments are right on. But note that the “community”, as they like to call themselves, has begun to shift over towards longer term strategies and recognize that most people want a LTR. Interesting that few of them are married.

    What htey have done in internet marketing is pretty spectacular though and we can learn a lot from them in this regard.

    Christian Haller

  • Philip Graves April 14, 2009, 2:27 PM

    I wonder if there’s a conflict between creating long term relationships as a focus and getting yourself into the happiest place possible?

    Much as with consumers and brands, there’s a lot to be said by setting out to have a long term relationship with a customer, but doing what you do really well is the primary way of achieving that, rather than focusing on the effectively intangible notion of the “consumer need”.

    In the same way I could see how focusing on an intangible – the “relationship” could end up being counter-productive.

    But then again, I can also see how focusing on the short term sale (the date) can also work against you in the long run.

    I know you often see parallels in our respective areas of expertise, so to take the consumer analogy one step further… I wonder if the key to successful dating is a balance of selling with integrity (always important to optimise but not over-claim), delivering 100% (easy if what you’ve sold is really yourself, hard if not) and maintaining a focus on doing what you do really well (i.e. continuing to be yourself), rather than worrying too much about trying to control what the customer thinks about that (the folly of consumer research).

    I’m always concerned when people say there’s something wrong with their “relationship”; I ask them to go and fetch it so that I can see it and look at what’s wrong! My point is that, in some ways, there is no relationship. If you view it as two people, each responsible for their own happiness, it’s much easier to know where to look for a solution when things go wrong: it’s always in one or both of the people, never in the space between them.

    I could, of course, be completely wrong!

    Philip

  • jc mackenzie April 14, 2009, 3:11 PM

    By seduction community, are you refering to “The Game”? Interesting book a couple of years ago, as I recall.

    Seems that the fundamental problem is still breaking the ice, getting over that awkward “Hi I’m John” phase. Is that what you see too or am I off?
    Enjoying reading these

    Thanks

    JC

  • JJ Jalopy April 14, 2009, 4:50 PM

    I’m fascinated!

    Isn’t this a great topic. Everyone loves talking about attraction and relationships.

    I can’t wait to hear your views on sustaining a relationship. I think that the couple needs to grow together to stay together, both as a couple and as individuals. When you stop growing you stagnate.

    There’s clearly many pieces to the puzzle. I’m looking forward to having you unravel them for us!

    Thanks and good evening!

  • Lynn Lane April 14, 2009, 5:09 PM

    Relationships and attraction is a subject that many will always be intrigued with.

    I’m intriguded with this blog.

    Lynn Lane

  • Steve Chambers April 14, 2009, 6:32 PM

    April,

    Great to see you transitioning from dating to the relationship side of things! I think relationships is where people need help and education.

    As for the seduction community they definitely teach a very effective set of skills that, when used properly, can be amazingly effective to meet and make an initial contact with members of the opposite sex. The skills and techniques they use can be used effectively by anyone intent on mastering persuasion and influence skills.

    Steve

  • Yann Vernier April 14, 2009, 7:03 PM

    Hmm… Food for thought. Very intriguing points on how we look at dating and relationships. I look forward to tomorrow’s post.

    All the best,
    Yann

  • Pam Schulz April 14, 2009, 8:02 PM

    April,

    For me, the take-away thought was;
    “some people’s idea of DATING will never lead to RELATIONSHIP. That in a manner, they were two worlds apart.”

    Dated a few of these types in my time!

    Very intriguing post. Looking forward to your post tomorrow.

    Pam

  • Darryl Pace April 14, 2009, 9:52 PM

    Looking forward to learning what those “two other parts of the brain” are.

    Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace

  • Don Shepherd April 14, 2009, 9:08 PM

    i think i’ll jump into the deep end of the dating pool and cool off for a while.

    the relationship thing can wait a while.

    Don Shepherd

  • Mitchell Rehaume April 14, 2009, 9:35 PM

    Hi April,

    Good post. I like how you are expanding and using additional resource’s for your dating relationship coaching. A lot of “experts” don’t expand in other fields like NLP etc. and realize how effective of a tool this can be in developing relationships.

    Look forward to your great dating advice tomorrow!

    Mitch

  • Duane Cunningham April 14, 2009, 9:36 PM

    Hi April,

    Some provoking thoughts there and also some great info shared in the comments above!

    It is totally true that different skills, mindsets what ever you want to call it are used in regard to ‘dating’ or wooing a person or client than is used when you have a great understanding of the person after years of having interacted with them on a regular basis

    As an example: Ever had a sensational relationship with a person you were dating and then you decide to move in together….great! Now there’s a whole new dynamic taking place that requires different skills…

    Same is true in the marketplace you use different strategies to ‘woo’ clients and a new set of criteria to retain their business and nurture the business relationship

    Great Stuff April

    Duane

  • Rob Northrup April 14, 2009, 10:32 PM

    Great thoughts on an important topic. Itis important that the two people have the same goals in any encounter– casual dating, or longer term relationship…

    Seize the Day,

    Rob

  • Bob Kaufer April 15, 2009, 3:42 AM

    April,

    I am looking forward to learning as much about the brain and nervous system as possible.

    Thanks

    Bob Kaufer

  • John Ho April 15, 2009, 7:02 AM

    Relationships can also be reflected during a Pure Numerology Reading session.

    Whether the person is elf-centred, introvert, extrovert, compassionate or gregarious shows a lot even BEFORE any relationship comes up.

    Phil’s idea of no space between relationships (which is basically a misnomer to him or non-existing entity) is interesting.

    John Ho

  • Pat Becker April 15, 2009, 12:52 PM

    Looking forward to your suggestions on attracting and sustaining a relationship. I’m interested in how you suggest the person looking for a relationship check out that the other person has the same goal – as in the reality beyond the words. Are the check lists in the magazines of any help here?

    -Pat

  • Sonya Lenzo April 15, 2009, 3:53 PM

    I think the comments here are nearly as interesting as your blog today. The concept of “no such thing as a relationship, just two people” is an intriguing one that I will need to think more about. I agree you are the right track with your grief counseling…most singles have not dealt successsfully with their past and thus can’t more forward.
    SunnyMarie

  • Mesha Casper April 15, 2009, 7:22 PM

    April you really always have a good way to teach and infor not only the single individuals, but you have a great way of being able to span all areas including helping a great marraige become even better.
    Thanks, Mesha:)

  • Anthony Lemme April 16, 2009, 9:20 PM

    Hi April,
    Your point about surface level attraction resinated with me. What I have learned about myself and the women who have passed through my life is that often the ones that we are instantly and powerfully attracted to are the wrong ones. They are a reflection of mommy or daddy and mirror back to us some unprocessed emotional material. Also, when people start “looking” for that special someone they are in trouble and run the risk of not getting what they are seeking. They are coming from a place of need instead of fullness. Looking for someone is “getting” behavior and not conducive to real intimacy which based is based on giving and receiving.

    Great post. I look forward to seeing where this goes and leanrning from someone who knows what she is talking about! Thanks.

    Kind Regards,
    Anthony

  • Anthony Lemme April 16, 2009, 9:30 PM

    Great blog. I agree that the surface level stuff in mere polish and mostly superficial in the long run. What I have learned over the years is that often times the ones we are powerfully attracted to at first are the wrong ones. They are usually a reflection of mommy or daddy and are mirroring some unprocessed, unintegrated emotional stuff back to us.

    Also, those that are out there looking for that special someone are usually doing so out of a lack instead of a fullness or completeness and leave themselves vulnerable to much mischief. Seeking is a getting behavior and true intimacy is based on giving and receiving.

    I look forward to learning more. It’s nice to get free advice from an expert such as yourself. Thanks!

    Kind Regard,
    Anthony

  • mark April 17, 2009, 9:50 AM

    I agree with you April. People have to initially be attracted to each other and simultaneously work on the relationship. Initial attractions can fade but a great bonds are formed when the relationship gets stronger. Mark

  • David Power April 19, 2009, 4:49 PM

    Wow you are defintely in the know for sure when it comes to dating!!!

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