Mothers and Duggars: Learning to Knit and Blend 2 Families Together
Celebrate Mother’s Day with the Duggars, Derrick Dillard’s mom and Ben Seewald’s mom and Jim Bob’s mom as well as Michelle Duggar are all honored together by the family. It’s important to bring the families of the bride and groom together if you possibly can. Yes, in Derrick’s case, his mom’s illness prevented her from being there live in person. However, with the blessings and good side of modern technology, they could bring her in to join them via webcam.
Most family’s have 1 or 2 sort of more problematic or “piece of work” relatives. You may or may not want to include them early on as you start to weave and knit your families together. When the Bible says, “The 2 shall become 1,” it is indeed the bride and groom, but it is also the 2 families. You marry your mate’s family as well and your love. Exactly how you manage and work that out will be for the 2 of you. It’s just you 2 take on another layer of responsibility now for their families, certainly for eventual care of the parents, but also to lend a hand when needed financially or just another set of working hands to their siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews. You might yourself volunteering to drive to/from doctor’s appointments or to take a shift at the ER with an extended family member. Starting to connect in small ways as early on as you can once the 2 of you know you’ll marry, the better.
Not every family occasion will warrant you two being the primary host. Always honor the family traditions and preferences already in place. Breaking the Yom Kippur fast at a Chinese Restaurant. Attending Christmas Eve Mass not Christmas Day services. If they always serve cheese blintzes on Mother’s Day for a family brunch, don’t aim to elbow anyone out by bringing an entrée that would upstage the menu. Instead, just bring a side dish that might reflect something of your family’s nature and traditions.
One year I had a roommate whose mom was from the South. Her Thanksgiving meal tradition was cornbread dressing. Not in MY family (please envision accompanying melodramatic beating of my breast.)! We learned how to make a pretty good sage dressing in an oven casserole dish. We could both have our needs met.
Memory is being gracious to me because I don’t quite remember WHAT we worked out doing about the gravy because her tradition was giblets in the gravy which is unheard of in our tradition, and you can just fish them out. Adding them totally changes the flavor. It is often and the special holidays during the year that you will butt heads up against long established traditions and preferences for dishes. Everyone craves the turkey stuffing/dressing their mom made when they were growing up even if it was just white bread seasoned with salt and pepper. Our taste buds are like that. We like and crave foods we were introduced to when we were young. We can learn to enjoy other foods as well, but it does take some training and experience to do that.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
April Braswell is an expert columnist at DatingAdvice.com and speaks to singles in Singles Groups and Divorce Support Groups as well as at Singles Dating Workshops and Singles Conferences. Looking to Hire April to speak at your next Church Singles Event, Women’s Group or Business Association Meeting?