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Love Laws: Law of Shared Life

Love Laws:  Law of Shared Life

Apply the Love Law of Shared Life in Your Mate Selection and in Your Marriage as a Relationship Success Habit for Lasting Love

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

It seems only fitting after writing about Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons getting married and my ruminations on contemporary marriage, that it’s all being redefined by each couple, I wanted to talk about the importance of the concept of Shared Life together which is an essential component of married life.

Now mind you, I have to tell you, I do know from odd personal experience that not every month, period, phase or season of life will necessarily be shared by every married couple.  There can be unique reasons and circumstances like business trips, business projects, book signing tours, short-term mission work, caring for sick relatives, and the stuff of life which can separate a husband and wife for a time.  Even America’s Most Loved Big Family, The Duggars, Michelle and Jim-Bob Duggar (19 Kids & Counting) have been apart for more than a day or two at a time during the course of their married life.  Caring for Baby Josie as well as short-term mission work in Latin America.

 

When I was a newlywed, I kid you not, my then husband and I were across the country from each other for about the first 2 months of married life (after about 1 month together, we were apart for 2 months).  Why?  Because of decision we made together for me to retain my current excellent job with amazing healthcare benefits for which I remain grateful to a Loving God that I had while he stayed in NYC to receive Cancer care from 1 of the top Cancer treatment centers in the world (not just the country, the world), Memorial-Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.

 

So, yeah, the stuff of life happens and you flex and deal with it at the time.

 

However, for the majority of couples, in getting married, you two will be sharing life.  That is the very nature of Married Life.  Hence the Love Law of Shared Life.  When you are selecting your mate and indeed searching and seeking your Soul Mate, look with discernment at Shared Life skills.

 

Love Laws Law of Shared Life Couple Grocery Shopping Together, smiling woman, smiling man, food shopping relationship success

Couple at Grocery Store

Certainly, until you are married, there are just certain aspects of the daily stuff of life that you won’t know until you’re together as a couple.  I often recommend to couples who have segued to courtship in their dating relationship, where the two of them are fairly certain this is God’s Intended for them.  However, they are both vetting and verifying that while also building the foundation for their married life together.  Typically that will occur somewhere in the time period of Month 3 -6 of their dating relationship.  During that time, I recommend that they start to do some of the shared life activities together and not just aim for Date Night dating together.  Do food shopping together for either of your homes.  Do laundry together.  (Yes, modern men really can do laundry and often quite well.)  Cook some meals together.  Clean the kitchen up afterwards.

  • Can you deal with her buying Name Brand food products when you are Mr. Thrifty and always buy the generic?
  • Do you need to make him wrong that he didn’t purchase the bale of toilet paper which you always do as a matter of habit after having lived with roommates who would let the TP run out?
  • Do you think she is irrational for loading the dishwasher front to back?
  • Do you think he is odd because he loads the dishwasher back to front?

 

Part of what you want in a Life Mate is someone where your two lives are aligned.  Let’s be real.  While a LDR Long Distance Relationship element may be part of your married life for a season, most couples are not planning on sustaining a LDR for the whole life of their marriage.  LDR Marriages are still within the realm of the average of Marriages in Japan.  Even in Japan, that is changing with the advent of the shinjinuri. The very vows of marriage proclaim that you two want to have and to hold each other… not be miles apart the whole time of marriage.

 

If he really wants to live on a boat and fish Alaska and you get chilled when the temperature drops below 80 degrees (Fahrenheit), you might indeed truly care for each other and about each other.  However, perhaps your lives are not meant to be intertwined in Marriage.

 

Additionally, for those who are married, you might want to make a conscientious concerted effort to Share Life and apply this Love Law in your existing marriage to revitalize it and help it to flourish.  Often modern marriages are burdened with an abundance of activities which borders on frazzled busyness.  Demanding work life schedules combined with commute times, including working the weekends and business obligations in the evening, can place undue pressures on modern marriages.  Studies show that the average couple spends less than 30 minutes talking with their spouse each day.  Some studies show only 20 minutes of talking together.

 

However, those couples who do make the concerted effort, deciding to make being with and talking with their spouse a daily priority enjoy happier, more connected, intimate, and fulfilling marriages.

 

The Relationship Success Habit of instituting a regular Date Night with your spouse can serve to make your marriage relationship flourish.  Turn off the TV set at times and talk with your spouse.  Ask them, “Honey, tell me all the good things that happened in your day today,” to frame things the conversation on a positive spin.  Inquire about goals you both have and how you each can be a support to each other in those.

 

Do something special, thoughtful and considerate for your spouse to demonstrate your love to them in small concrete ways.  Set the coffee pot up for them before you go to bed at night if they get up earlier in the morning than you do.  The Thoughtful Loving Action is tantamount to your leaving them a love note.  You just might find that they spontaneously do write you a Love Note and leave it for you in response to your thoughtfulness towards them.

 

 

Happy Dating and Relationships,

 

 

April Braswell

Dating and Relationship Expert

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition

 

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{ 13 comments… add one }
  • Neil Dhawan October 8, 2011, 7:00 PM

    Hi April,

    Great article with helpful tips! Until you pointed out something as simple as shopping together and the “issues” that may arise, little – okay, NO – thought was ever put to that.

    Also, you ALWAYS load the dishwasher back to front – it’s a matter of physics .

    Stay Extraordinary and Keep Doing Amazing Things, Neil
    Are You Over-Probioticized

  • Cherie Miranda October 8, 2011, 7:30 PM

    April, this is excellent advice for those considering marriage as well as those who are already married. Compatability and communication are both of the utmost importance.

    Cherie Miranda
    Scheduling and Timing Your Meditation

  • Michael D Walker October 8, 2011, 8:06 PM

    Good advice for anyone considering marriage or even a long term relationship. My personal test is how things go when I’m shopping in a bookstore. 🙂

    Michael
    Gene Simmons Life Lessons #4: Learn the Rules

  • Body language of women October 8, 2011, 9:37 PM

    April, I would have to think that this is one of the things that people do not think of even when they find a quality person to date even with your expert dating advice. Do you have some ebooks or guides on things to talk about before marriage?
    Scott Sylvan Bell
    Body language of attraction
    Now go implement!

  • Clare Delaney October 9, 2011, 5:12 AM

    Yikes, couples spend 30minutes a day chatting? Good grief! Until I moved to my little tropical island and got Life into perspective, I don’t think there was single day over 20 years when we chatted for >20 minutes!
    Seriously though, your advice is excellent, it’s hugely important to find out if the daily activities and chores (amongst other things) are compatible. It’s “the small things” that make a marriage / relationship.
    Thanks for the great post!

    EcoExpert
    Eco-Friendly Tips – Save Money, Save Water

  • Kevin Bettencourt October 9, 2011, 8:02 AM

    Compatibility issues are super important and this is really sound relationship advice. As with other things balance is important.

  • Sonya Lenzo October 9, 2011, 8:36 AM

    Being able to do the common things in life together is KEY. My current friend turned to me one day while we were shopping in a Thrift Store and said”I SO like shopping for junk with you!”….I think it was one of the best compliments he ever gave me….not that we like to do EVERYTHING together. I have noticed that nothing seems to clear a room of men faster than turning on “Dancing with the Starts”. I am convinced their entire audience is woman and cats!
    Sonya Lenzo

  • Dennis Perry October 9, 2011, 2:27 PM

    April,
    This is a great article. It is true, that at times over a married life, being apart is inevitable. The key is to make all the time together as magical as possible.

    My wife and I have done a date night for almost all of the 31+ years we have been married. We honor it to this day. On Wednesdays, we don’t do any work in the evening. That time is dedicated to nurturing our relationship.

    I can’t recommend this enough.

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom in these articles.

    Dennis

  • Rob Malone October 9, 2011, 2:58 PM

    April you are so right – you need to turn off all distractions and just talk and listen to each other. Talking is a skill that you need to continually develop or you will find your relationship getting stale with long periods of silence as you drive somewhere or sitting in a restaraunt.

  • John Moulder October 10, 2011, 2:12 AM

    Great article April . It’s all about sharing . I certainly don’t mind grocery shopping or doing household chores with my special girl . Watching dancing on tv ……….. well that’s why we have a couple more tv’s around the house . There are just some things I have to say nah to .

  • Andrew Miner October 10, 2011, 10:54 PM

    Great tips on being realistic and selfless in marriage. Marriage really is (should be) more about giving than getting. Sadly that is not often the case…

    Andrew
    http://www.andrewminer.net/barefootrunningshoes/

  • Annie Born October 11, 2011, 11:24 AM

    April!
    Simply Brilliant!
    I love learning – you always discover something new to consider!
    Looking forward to tomorrow!
    Create a great day!
    Time to Care for the Caregiver Now?

  • Michael Paulse October 12, 2011, 12:26 PM

    “Honey, tell me all the good things that happened in your day today,” is so much better than, “How was your day.” Thanks.

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