Love Laws: Law of Shared Life
Apply the Love Law of Shared Life in Your Mate Selection and in Your Marriage as a Relationship Success Habit for Lasting Love
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
It seems only fitting after writing about Shannon Tweed and Gene Simmons getting married and my ruminations on contemporary marriage, that it’s all being redefined by each couple, I wanted to talk about the importance of the concept of Shared Life together which is an essential component of married life.
Now mind you, I have to tell you, I do know from odd personal experience that not every month, period, phase or season of life will necessarily be shared by every married couple. There can be unique reasons and circumstances like business trips, business projects, book signing tours, short-term mission work, caring for sick relatives, and the stuff of life which can separate a husband and wife for a time. Even America’s Most Loved Big Family, The Duggars, Michelle and Jim-Bob Duggar (19 Kids & Counting) have been apart for more than a day or two at a time during the course of their married life. Caring for Baby Josie as well as short-term mission work in Latin America.
When I was a newlywed, I kid you not, my then husband and I were across the country from each other for about the first 2 months of married life (after about 1 month together, we were apart for 2 months). Why? Because of decision we made together for me to retain my current excellent job with amazing healthcare benefits for which I remain grateful to a Loving God that I had while he stayed in NYC to receive Cancer care from 1 of the top Cancer treatment centers in the world (not just the country, the world), Memorial-Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.
So, yeah, the stuff of life happens and you flex and deal with it at the time.
However, for the majority of couples, in getting married, you two will be sharing life. That is the very nature of Married Life. Hence the Love Law of Shared Life. When you are selecting your mate and indeed searching and seeking your Soul Mate, look with discernment at Shared Life skills.
Certainly, until you are married, there are just certain aspects of the daily stuff of life that you won’t know until you’re together as a couple. I often recommend to couples who have segued to courtship in their dating relationship, where the two of them are fairly certain this is God’s Intended for them. However, they are both vetting and verifying that while also building the foundation for their married life together. Typically that will occur somewhere in the time period of Month 3 -6 of their dating relationship. During that time, I recommend that they start to do some of the shared life activities together and not just aim for Date Night dating together. Do food shopping together for either of your homes. Do laundry together. (Yes, modern men really can do laundry and often quite well.) Cook some meals together. Clean the kitchen up afterwards.
- Can you deal with her buying Name Brand food products when you are Mr. Thrifty and always buy the generic?
- Do you need to make him wrong that he didn’t purchase the bale of toilet paper which you always do as a matter of habit after having lived with roommates who would let the TP run out?
- Do you think she is irrational for loading the dishwasher front to back?
- Do you think he is odd because he loads the dishwasher back to front?
Part of what you want in a Life Mate is someone where your two lives are aligned. Let’s be real. While a LDR Long Distance Relationship element may be part of your married life for a season, most couples are not planning on sustaining a LDR for the whole life of their marriage. LDR Marriages are still within the realm of the average of Marriages in Japan. Even in Japan, that is changing with the advent of the shinjinuri. The very vows of marriage proclaim that you two want to have and to hold each other… not be miles apart the whole time of marriage.
If he really wants to live on a boat and fish Alaska and you get chilled when the temperature drops below 80 degrees (Fahrenheit), you might indeed truly care for each other and about each other. However, perhaps your lives are not meant to be intertwined in Marriage.
Additionally, for those who are married, you might want to make a conscientious concerted effort to Share Life and apply this Love Law in your existing marriage to revitalize it and help it to flourish. Often modern marriages are burdened with an abundance of activities which borders on frazzled busyness. Demanding work life schedules combined with commute times, including working the weekends and business obligations in the evening, can place undue pressures on modern marriages. Studies show that the average couple spends less than 30 minutes talking with their spouse each day. Some studies show only 20 minutes of talking together.
However, those couples who do make the concerted effort, deciding to make being with and talking with their spouse a daily priority enjoy happier, more connected, intimate, and fulfilling marriages.
The Relationship Success Habit of instituting a regular Date Night with your spouse can serve to make your marriage relationship flourish. Turn off the TV set at times and talk with your spouse. Ask them, “Honey, tell me all the good things that happened in your day today,” to frame things the conversation on a positive spin. Inquire about goals you both have and how you each can be a support to each other in those.
Do something special, thoughtful and considerate for your spouse to demonstrate your love to them in small concrete ways. Set the coffee pot up for them before you go to bed at night if they get up earlier in the morning than you do. The Thoughtful Loving Action is tantamount to your leaving them a love note. You just might find that they spontaneously do write you a Love Note and leave it for you in response to your thoughtfulness towards them.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
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