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Law of Association in Dating and Relationships

I was in the parking lot of the hotel where I was staying for a business conference and saw a perfect illustration of the Law of Association.  I wished I had taken a photograph to show you what I mean because you would laugh out loud with me as well.

The Law of Association simply put states that we become like with whom we most frequently hang out and spend our time.  Another way to think of it is as those with whom we actually invest our precious lives, the time in our lives.  We are investing ourselves, our love, and our time, with them.  So choose carefully.

I drive a Burgundy Honda Civic EX.  Namely, my car is a Burgundy colored mid-size sedan from Japan.

When I stepped outside of the hotel to load my car for the return drive home, what did I behold?  What did my eyes see?  Yes, parked next to my car were… two other Japanese-made Burgundy mid-size sedans!  Clearly the Marriott is the club house for Burgundy Japanese model mid-size sedan car owners!

The Law of Association is important for a number of the categories of singles to consider carefully when what they are desiring is to wed.

For the Single Never Marrieds – it can depend on your age group.  When you a single in your twenties, it can see so easy to connect with and readily meet other singles.  In fact your roommate’s friends mix with your friends both when you have parties and soirees at your apartment as well as when you go out together.  It’s similar to the ease of meeting lots and lots of other singles in your age category.  The challenge then is to meet singles and be on the look out for singles who are interested in and looking for a relationship.  Indeed, getting into the pattern of going out all the time leads to more of the same.  And then you find after a few years that you are going out all the time, but a relationship is elusive for you.

When you are Single Never Married in your 30s and 40s and 50s, many of your now peers are themselves married.  Some might be divorced and single again.  No longer is your lifestyle readily mixing you with lots of other singles.  In which case, like every other thing we want in life, you must make a concerted effort to meet plenty of other singles when previously it was a natural part of your daily life.

For divorced people, often that first phase year or so right after your divorce can be your most challenging.  Have you considered what was your part in the ending of the marriage?  Is there any emotional release work or communication skill set work to do?  How can you improve yourself and heal your heart so you are open to love again in the future?  There a group of both single moms and single dads who put their own romantic lives on hold waiting for their young children to graduate from high school or college before they will date again.  Are your friends and peers subtly telling you messages of “men are pigs” or “women are shrews” (you know the actual word they are using, which I’ll refrain from using).  That message is feeding into your belief system and certainly won’t help you with dating again.  Look around you for singles who have a positive attitude and think as well as speak well of the opposite sex.  Ones who are saying, “Men are wonderful!” and “I love women!”

Lastly, of course, is the group who are widowed, which includes both widows and widowers.  Depending on whether you are young (under 55, under 40 years old) when widowed, you are likely feeling you do want to wed again.  However, like your divorced single peer, your heart needs healing from your grief first, or you can fall into replacing your loss before you might truly be ready to date and commit anew to a new relationship.  Often the older widow and widowers will almost retire their hearts and assume the role and identity of being someone’s Widow.  The people they invest their lives with in their associations are often other grieving widows.  When you are essentially in a talk support group most of your day, you stay in your grief.  And unless someone lets you know it is possible to complete that grief and have a renewed life, that can become your identity for years.  Again, with whom you are associating matters.

This next week I will post tips daily for single men and single women for some great venues where you can position yourself to naturally meet the opposite sex.

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell

Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert

{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Hezron March 8, 2010, 10:54 AM

    A much better article concerning single never married’s–and it is true, being in my mid 30s, it is much more challenging to meet singles that share common interests as I do. As well, the eligible single women, decrease in numbers due to them being coupled up.

  • Dennis Miedema March 21, 2010, 8:41 AM

    April, this blog post had me thinking about Robert Cialdini and his brilliant business book “Influence”… and here’s why…

    People like people with the same interests because common interests create a bond. If a guy likes the same things as a woman

    As you can see, you compare two things, let her pick the bitter one, and you respond in a fun way (tease, admit that you do too, etc.). By playing this “game”, you find common interests in a matter of minutes… and it’s so much fun to play!

    To More Dating Success,

    Dennis Miedema

  • Anthony Lemme March 22, 2010, 8:16 PM

    I never put much though into it but it makes perfect sense. When I was in my 20’s and early thirties and still going out and to parties there was an abundance. Then then in my mid thirties that changed as my social structure and habits changed. The funny thing is that I am dating someone in her 20’s and am exposed to the singles all over again. Single women everywhere now that I am not interested!

    Anthony

  • Debora April 23, 2010, 10:06 PM

    Hi April. Thank you so much for your good dating tips post about who we hang out with an the law of association. I’ve heard of LOA before.

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