Internet Dating Personas of Men Online: Divorced Dad Armor Wall
Another archtype of the singles guys single women meet and encounter at the online dating sites but less so at the internet personals ads sites is the Divorced Dad with an armor wall up. Ladies, you are less likely to encounter this guy at the more elite and premium dating sites which require a combination of a greater investment of money for site membership as well as a greater investment of time in crafting a well-developed and thoughtful online dating profile. If you need help doing that well and having your profile really reflect you, that’s where I can help you as a professional internet dating profile writer and consultant.
Picture a great guy, smiling, and attractive. But wait? What’s that in front of him? It looks like his children. They seem great, and by the time they are about 8 or 9 years old and starting to really develop their own personal social life, they are likely wiggling and wriggling trying to get out of his grasp. It’s like he has his hands on their shoulders, holding them in front of him like a brick wall, keeping you from getting in to him.
This single divorced dad uses his children as an excuse to keep from getting into a serious relationship of any kind, and certainly from ever marrying again.
If you talk to him or go on a first or second date with him, you’ll hear him saying things like, “I don’t want to get serious until my kids are finished with college.” Or “until my kids are out of the house.”
Ladies, if he brings up relationships in the first or second date and says anything about how really he doesn’t want one, then trust me here, believe him! Believe what he is saying to you.
Unfortunately, he may be really a great guy. But he is still stuck in his post-Divorce stage of self-protection and has completed his divorced grief work and healed his heart. The funny part is, and I hear this a lot from teens when I speak to Youth Groups about Dating and Relationships, his kids will often really wish he would get out and date more. Who do you think teens and pre-teens are learning about relationship, courting and dating from? Where are they going to learn about mate selection from? If you, their parents, aren’t modeling it for them somehow, then they only have their peers, books, celebrity gossip magazines, television, movies, and video games. And the message you’re sending them is that marriage relationships are somehow “bad.”
What are some of the red flags for single women to be on the look out for in his online dating profile to ward off Divorce Dad with Armor Wall? In his internet dating profile he’ll often devote significant space to talking about how much he loves his children, they live with him, and he loves being a dad. Subtly he has created his Dating Profile Brand not as a divorced man who is ready to date and is available for a relationship but instead his brand is “I’m a Father First.” Which means for you, there is no room for a romantic relationship. He might even use the phrase, “My kids will always come first.” And that means you, dear lady, never could.
Instead, look for guys are who are available. If he’s divorced and he really is open and looking for a long term relationship, then he will likely say something in his profile such as, “Divorced and ready to find the right woman now.”
Watch out for the reg flags and keep an eye pealed for the good ones. Those are the ones worth your First Date time!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
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