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Singles Seeking Financially Stable Mate
Because I’ve been doing internet dating back since its early Pre-Neanderthal days… You know… Before there were… Digital Photos! (Oh no! You cry out, Not that! Whatever did you do? How were you able to screen out all the eligible and available singles and only go on 2 dates with other singles where 1 of those 2 is whom you married?”)
The answer, dear reader, is, we didn’t. We learned How to Flirt in our messaging, and we went on actual, yes, you’ve heard of this Ancient History Civilization cultural phenomena, Blind Dates. That meant we actually went on more dates, got to practice our gracious social skills, and met a lot more other singles. Which just meant we learned how to date really well.
In those early days, sure, singles would put in all of the obvious stuff in their computer dating profiles:
- Doesn’t drink too much
- Not a drug addict
- Not a pot smoker
- Height and weight proportional
- Financially Stable
It’s been nearly 20 years since the inception of online dating. And I’ve been coaching and working with single clients for years now. And one of the ways I coach both single men and women is in how to write a winning dating profile or simply they hire me to do that for them and coach them about dating.
So invariably the text of their profile and the text of what other singles are posting in their dating site profiles comes up.
And wouldn’t you know it? Even after all these years, it seems that singles are still bothering to put into the text body of their internet matchmaking site profile….
Must be financially stable.
Which leads me to today’s discussion and the topic of a new series on Dating Profile Writing Advice.
Leave out the obvious.
Because really, do you need to say it overtly? Must you put into your singles sites dating profile, that all qualifying prospective dates for you “must be financially stable”?
Sure, both single men and women have self-sabotaging mechanisms, and we can all start to feel attracted to irresponsible singles. But when we are marriage-minded and are looking for a LTR possibly leading to marriage, really? Do we need to say specifically, “must be financially stable?”
Because I would think by now after nearly 20 years of online dating, that we wouldn’t need to cite that anymore. After 20 years of singles signalling what they want and don’t want in a relationship in Dating Profiles, then all of the stuff that everyone says all the time, you simply don’t need to overtly articulate now. Why? Because everyone wants that, too, and we all know it by now.
Of course, maybe the singles who still put it in their profiles are worried that if they don’t cite that, then that means they will be inundated with Prospective Dates who are financially imbalanced and the stable, secure, and resourceful singles will steer clear of them. Why? Because they didn’t specifically in particular invite “only financially stable singles need apply.”
Really people?
Which leads me to a joke told to me by a single executive woman coaching client shared with me.
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Unless you are one of those young women, you’re safe. You don’t need to state the obvious. Simply put, to state it is to overstate it.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Internet Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
Very, very true When one states, even overstates, the obvious, it appears as if one is hiding something.
Sonya Lenzo
Always amazing insights!
Financially Stable… Interesting, what else is important?
Looking forward to tomorrow!
Ah!! For the good old days when we learned to date by dating, and where financial stability meant having the bus fare home.
So, is the financial stability also cause in motivating your partner to interact with you more…?
Awesome series
Marc
Memorias USB con Logo por Mayor
Hi April, I like when I see a nice detailed computer dating profile description at some singles dating website. Then I can get a general idea about person who wrote it. I really like women with strong opinions, because you can figure out in short amount of time whether you’ll get along with her or not. Nice writeup!
April,
How right you are to leave out the obvious when writing your online dating profile.
Suzanne
Elderly Parents and Expired Medications
LOL. A little Musician smackdown! thanks that kinda helps MY business angle.
When I did look into internet dating and saw someone put this into their profile it was a flag to me.
1. they are either looking to be completely taken care of
2. They are pompus egotistical judgmental ‘holier than thou’ types.
Maybe that list could go on… But I wouldn’t bother with most of these profiles unless something intrigued me to continue and I found a nugget that let me know they were a down to earth human.
Cheers1
20 years – amazing! (homeless…same is true for a musician without a wife – been there!)
Great advice. I often prefer when men don’t post their income on their profiles. The men I’d date are financially stable anyway…
I ain’t sayin’ I’m a golddigger, but I ain’t messin’ with no broke….
Sabrina Peterson, NASM CPT, CES
Aoril,
Very insightful topic.
I should have taken a workshop of yours before I got married second time.
Body Language Of Choice
April, another great example of how to or even how not to wrte a profile on a dating site. Gret Job!
Scott Sylvan Bell
Body language of men’s accessories
Now go implement!
Agree with other comments … define “stability” …
Lyle R. Johnson
Encourage Guesses to Close Sales
I hadn’t really thought about online dating being around that long.
Your clients are lucky to have you.
Be Well.
Jc
It seems that people are afraid to have one date with someone that doesn’t have a perfect life…well stable is one thing…but perhaps they are also a drug addict? I agree, people need to go out and try more and experiment, one date does not mean two.
Sales Expert
April,
If people are shocked that there was time in the Internet Dating World before digital photos then they will probably be REALLY shocked to learn that people used to do dating through the Personal Ads of the newspaper.
Yours In Health!
G.E. Moon II
Drink More Water
April, These people need you desperately. If I saw someone say “financially stable only apply” I would think they were a gold digger.
Yours In Health!
Dr. Wendy
The 7 Steps To Amazing Health
I enjoyed the musician quip! You’re right about ‘financially stable’.
EcoFriendlyMatters @ EcoFriendlyLink
Home health products – do they belong in your home?
Blind dates…you just triggered some bad memories for me with that phrase.
Yes, back years ago before the internet I let friends set me up on some blind dates. They were always a disaster. Has blind dating been outlawed by the Geneva Convention finally?
Michael
Thorne Smith novels
Love the musician joke!! Has Shane been around to see you yet?
Kinda lonely here, am I in the right place?
Hi, April,
Financial stability is very important for women, I think… Sometimes men pursue partners for their finances. The exchange is simple: financial stability (power) for attractiveness (physical appearance).
Body Language: Real Time Application
So, requesting 3 years of Tax Returns plus a recent P&L may be a bit off-putting?
Lyle R. Johnson
Down Sell for Customer Trust and Loyalty
I feel like if I was in the dating scene these days that I would be one of those people writing “must be financially stable.” I know everybody wants that but what about those who are actually not financially stable who are “shopping” the dating sites for a new partner? I would think that they would contact whomever they found attractive and just try to hide their financial woes as long as possible. So how do you keep them away without stating that they need not apply?
Lisa McLellan
Child Care Expert
Nanny Services
Yes, April, you’d think they’d learn … I used to have the same thoughts about certain aspects of Management Consulting … it is not that “they” are not learning, it is that new people are entering to arena every day.
Lyle R. Johnson
Memes establish Sales Position
April,
very true. I would not mention in dating profile anything about finances. It is something to be found out later in relationship. Finances are not deal breaker in this case.
Covert Hypnosis: Where Is The Rest Of The Pool?
I would think that mentally stable – not askable but observable – would trump financially stable.
Lyle R. Johnson
Memes Evolution, Increases Sales
I had no idea that so much time had gone by since “online dating” first become part of the social makeup.
Liked that about the musician.
Be Well.
Jc
April, I agree. All those 5 categoris are important as a first filter.
OCtavio
Memorias Flash