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Integrity in Dating: Profile Advice What Is Lying?

Integrity in Dating: Profile Advice What Is Lying?

Integrity in Dating: Are You Guilty of Lying in Your Dating Profile?

Integrity in Dating, Lying Internet Personals Ads, Lying Dating Profile, Misinformation dating profile,

Computer Dating

Now that we are fully in the Facebook Age and the Internet Dating Matchmaking Industry is a mature business well out of the early start up stage of the early days of cyberspace and web dating, a whole host of issues now face singles seeking love online.


Core Characteristics of Integrity and Lying.


Integrity and Lying.


Integrity in Dating can cover anything from the topics of not overtly lying in your profile in such areas as your age.  But Integrity in Dating also includes actively and concertedly misleading other singles looking for love and reading your dating profile.


Now mind you, I have a corporate professional background in Sales and Marketing from San Francisco and Silicon Valley, the land that brought us HP, Steve Jobs, Apple, and The Woz.   This is the land which coined the phrase, “Vaperware,” for the software that SV Sales People would sell to corporate businesses before the software engineers had even designed and developed it.  So with that as the environment that spawned my professional formation, I’d like to say that I am fine about people taking a favorable view of themselves and extolling their virtues in your internet dating profile.  I do not expect nor remotely recommend that you reveal your warts.  I describe to singles attending my Internet Dating Workshops and Online Dating Seminars that your internet personals ads can portray you in your most favorable light.  However I am specific that looking your best is one thing.  Overtly lying is a whole other thing.


Integrity in Dating:  Lying in Your Profile

Integrity in Dating:  Lying in Your Photos


So what is lying and what is not lying?  I’ll be addressing some of the overt lying topics in future posts in this series covering Integrity in Dating.  However, today I’ll be covering some more of the Inadvertent Miscommunication.


During the live dating workshops these sort of war stories from the trenches of computer dating in the 21st century.


  • What about the ones who say they are physically fit?
  • How active do you have to be for the singles who say they want someone who is active?
  • How active is active?
  • Oh right they work out 6 days a week?  What are they, an Olympic Athlete?
  • Why do they put they like hiking but they don’t even own a pair of hiking boots?


A number of phrases have surfaced which you will see in contemporary internet personal ad profiles.


  • Active Lifestyle
  • Physically Fit
  • Young-Looking
  • Young-at-Heart
  • Energetic
  • Vitality


In the past, when singles wanted to communicate that they wanted someone who was slim, trim, and quite fit  they would say things like, “Height weight proportional.”  Now “Active Lifestyle” and “Physically Fit” are the catch phrases.  So just bear that in mind when you read those phrases in another’s profile.  And do be a bit careful when you consider using them in your own profile.  Often it is the singles who are over 45, 50, and 55 years old who are striving to communicate that they are good looking and live an active and engaged life so that you know they are not couch potatoes living a sedentary life.


There really are quite a variety of ways to communicate that in your profile.  What I recommend to singles to do is to actually talk about what they really do with their time, their evenings, their weekends.



OK, apparently every single out there online from the age of 19 -119 years old is a hiker who likes hiking.  Who doesn’t like hiking?  Many singles at the dating sites, they aren’t meaning it to be overtly lying.  They really do think of themselves as liking hiking.  But when was the last time you’ve been on any kind of a hiking trail? And what do you really mean by hiking?


Where I grew up in the Northeast hiking to us were outdoor nature walks in the woods.  Think Herrontown Woods in Princeton Township, Mercer County, New Jersey.  Hey, we simply didn’t even know or live near anything resembling a mountain or any serious elevation.


Then there are the hills of San Francisco, and the mountainous areas of Northern California and hiking trails with actual elevation, Angel Island, and “switchbacks”  of the Los Altos Foothills Trails near Palo Alto on the San Francisco Peninsula.


There are differences.  And it’s not that you were specifically meaning to mislead your Prospect Date.  Just they are quite fit, hike for half day and full day hikes at an intermediate to advanced level and you were just wanting to get back to taking walks in nature this time with someone because you really do enjoy the outdoors.


These are the kind of things you can position in your dating profile by saying something like, “I used to really love walking in the woods trails where I grew up and want to get back to that.  Do you enjoy hiking?  I’m not a moutaineer, mind you, but a hike and lunch on a Saturday afternoon would be fun.”


Notice how you kind of set the parameter of expectations.  You establish boundaries of the kind of hiker you are.  Interested and enjoy it.  Want to get back to it.  Don’t expect me to be able to keep up with you quite yet for half day hikes or full weekend outdoors adventures.  This way you both manage expectations (Yes, one of those Marketing World terms from Product Marketing) and avoid overtly lying to your Prospective Date.


The Phenomena of Hiking in an Internet Dating Profile

It’s a residual from the early days of online dating profiles was that the matching feature which feeds singles “Possible Matches for You” do so based on the database of who you are.  All the characteristics, interests, hobbies, activities, and personal attributes which you clicked off in all the check boxes and pull down menus contribute to the data file of YOU.  Those are stored in a database.  Then the Internet Matchmaking Sites sort and filter the data to offer you potential matches based on your interests.


So from the early days of internet dating, singles learned the tactic of clicking just about all of the “Hobbies” and “Interests” check boxes.  That way they your profile would cross the path of more singles.  Your profile would automatically be sent to more singles as a “Possible Match for You.”  So this is more of not really overtly lying.  But certainly you are leaning towards perhaps a little too favorably positioning yourself.


Rather than checking off simply every single hobby in the profile form, which would actually make your profile look more generic, strive to represent yourself and who you are a bit more accurately.  That way you will attract Prospective Dates who are attracted to the person you are.  You want to avoid the sea of sameness in all the “likes to hike, likes to walk on beaches at sunset” generic dating profiles.


Do put your best foot forward and avoid overtly lying in your dating profile.  You increase your chances of finding lasting love online when you do.


Happy Dating and Relationships,



April Braswell

Dating and Relationship Expert

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition


Should You Lie About Your Age in Your Online Dating Profile?

Online Dating Faux Pas in “Happily Divorced”



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{ 16 comments… add one }
  • Cherie Miranda October 10, 2011, 7:42 AM

    Good clarification on what could be considered lying on your profile. Personally, I’ve never understood why people would lie on something like that. They’ll be found out eventually…

    Cherie Miranda
    Active Meditation

  • sonya lenzo October 10, 2011, 8:19 AM

    The worst part of being less than honest i
    n dating profiles is that it is just a huge waste of time and emotional energy.Big difference between enjoying a walk and a HIKE as I found out!! Sonya Lenzo

  • Clare Delaney October 10, 2011, 11:02 AM

    April this article is chock-full of absolutely real-world-useful advice for dating profiles. Profiles are a massive part of online dating and shouldn’t be under-estimated. With your help, they won’t be!!

    I love how you covered the hiking example in a sample profile – very clever indeed, I love it!

    The impact of car sharing is huge – just see these amazing stats!

  • Kevin Bettencourt October 10, 2011, 11:47 AM

    When people write a dating profile I honestly can’t understand why they would lie. Perspective love interests will find out eventually. I think any singles looking to get involved with online dating should seek out a dating expert like you April and have her write a dating profile for them.

  • Neil Dhawan October 10, 2011, 5:48 PM

    Great Article April … and very necessary. For the record, I DON’T like hiking, I don’t own hiking boots, shoes or otherwise – I like walking and have walking shoes – I wear them every day! I went hiking a couple of times – didn’t like it any of those times, don’t plan on ever hiking again. Hmmm … I’m beginning to see why it is important to have a professional dating profile writer :o)

    Stay Amazing and Do Extraordinary Things, Neil

  • Dennis Perry October 10, 2011, 7:30 PM

    I can certainly see putting yourself in the most favorable light possible but not being completely honest will most likely come back to haunt you.

    Like all other areas of life, overt lying is a bad way to do business.


  • Is your boyfriend lying October 10, 2011, 9:52 PM

    April, what about when you meet the person for the first round of drinks and they are not the person they were in the picture or they ask for money?
    Scott Sylvan Bell
    How to tell if your girlfriend is lying
    Now go implement!

  • Michael D Walker October 10, 2011, 9:59 PM

    Guess I need to stop telling people that I enjoy line dancing with kangaroos. 🙂 Seriously though, this is very useful info. The hiking example is a perfect demonstration of what to do.

    Gene Simmons Life Lessons #5: Do It Your Own Way

  • Rob Malone October 11, 2011, 12:32 AM

    I don’t get lying on a profile. Because when you meet it will become obvious.

  • John Moulder October 11, 2011, 2:51 AM

    Very enjoyable post April . I also don’t get why people would be careless with the truth on a dating site . Just bites you on the butt . Maybe some folks like hitch – hiking ?

  • Jennifer Battaglino October 11, 2011, 6:32 AM

    Oh April! What a great topic to cover as this has always bothered me! Ok I’m married but I have so many clients who try to find a partner online. Then they come in and hold their heads as they tell me who really walked in the door of the restaurant versus what the profile portrayed. I would rather be pleasantly surprised than let down.

    Jennifer Battaglino
    Tinnitus Anxiety Treatment

  • Body Language October 11, 2011, 1:42 PM

    In second grade hiking meant “Nature Walk on the paved path for 200 feet.”

    Thanks for the article April!

    Mark Hogan

  • Annie Born October 11, 2011, 9:18 PM

    This is an awesome post!
    This Integrity article should be on every dating site around the world!
    Looking forward to tomorrow!
    Create a great day!
    href=”http://www.careforthecaregivernow.com/caregivers-alphabet-z>Time to Care for the Caregiver Now?

  • Eva Palmer October 13, 2011, 10:43 AM

    Hi April!
    This was a fun article to read ( 19-119 years old!) and it also made me think about the importance of being honest not only to others but specially to yourself. I think that you must always look as natural as possible. I think that is more common here in Europe than in the States, but I also understand the importance of making yourself look better!

    Hipnosis para el Insomnio Barcelona

  • Andrew Miner October 13, 2011, 11:07 PM

    So what you’re saying is, singles looking to “hit the mark” in online dating should “stick to their niche” and not try to be all things to all people.
    One side note, I would be careful “hiking” in Sopranos country… never know what you might stumble across. Yikes! 🙂


  • Michael Paulse October 16, 2011, 10:52 AM

    Good suggestion on how to present your willingness to do hiking but not often. Setting expectations is important with all communications.

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