Integrity in Dating: How to Manage Your Marital Status in Your Internet Matchmaking Profile When You Are Single Never Married
Or What’s the Problem with Being SINGLE at a Singles Site?
Are you one of the millions of singles looking for love online at one of the thousands of internet dating sites? If you regularly read my dating and relationship blog, or have attended one of my Internet Dating Workshops in Los Angeles, than you have likely heard my #1 Dating Rule. What is my #1 Dating Rule you might ask?
Do Not Lie in Your Dating Profile.
You can position the truth as favorably as possible, but not outright overt lying or falsification of information in your dating profile.
And you might be thinking, hey, the internet dating sites are all about singles meeting and dating filled with people who are single and looking for a relationship. So what’s the problem with being SINGLE at a Singles Site?
You went online. You selected a singles dating site that appealed to you and what you desire in a relationship. You’re filling the details and clicking the right boxes at the internet dating site Profile Creation Area. And you come to MARITAL STATUS. Naturally, because you’re single and have never been married, you click the check box next to Single Never Married. Yeah. Because that’s the truth. And then you blithely publish your profile. Your photos and text get approved. And you start emailing with PDs (Potential Dates).
And then it starts. You find that a lot of the PDs you approach emailed simply aren’t writing you back. Or the ones that do seem to be grilling you and conducting your deposition before they’ll even really email with you and consider meeting for a First Date. What seems to be the problem here?
Why? Because you are over 40 years old with a Single Never Married Status. It’s even tougher for those who are over 50 years old in the After 40 Dating and After 50 Dating groups and Single Never Married.
In particular, because MARITAL STATUS is a quick and easy attribute click box, it is a database item which singles at the site can quickly and easily filter out. It’s akin to getting the Online Dating Cold Shoulder. It can be a little tough when you’re the one in the romantic role of doing more the approach receiving the way that women still often are. However, men report some real challenges this way, too.
So what can you? Should you consider lying about your age in your online dating profile? What about maybe lying that you’re Divorced and then simply tell someone you like at the First Date?
No, nope, never. Overt lying always leaves people with a bad taste in their mouth. And once they discover you’ve been overtly lying to them online and for the couple of weeks it took from initial email to the First Date, then they will be furious. Livid even.
They will simply always be wondering, “What ELSE is this person lying to me about?” Because they now know that Overt Lying is OK to you. This is never a good foundation for a relationship. It can simply never work out well for you.
Is there another option? Is there a creative solution to this challenge?
Yes, there is. In all likelihood, if you are in your 40s or 50s, you have had perhaps at least 1 or 2 significant romantic relationships. Alternatively, you might be a late bloomer, or have been seriously dedicating yourself to your career or perhaps to your family like Susan Boyle did.
Lead with that in your profile. Lead with what you dedicated yourself in life to up until now. And then offer a segue phrase that is soft explanation without putting yourself on the defensive where you are stuck having to explain yourself now. “… and now finding a meaningful relationship really matters to me…”
If you were in a Committed Relationship that just wasn’t “Marriage,” then you are welcome to say that in your profile. “The piece of paper didn’t matter to us…” Some phrase like that. If you feel differently now, then you are welcome to also say a little something alluding to that in your profile. “… over time, my attitude changed….”
By leading with how you’ve been leading your life up until now, you paint your dating portrait with broad brush strokes and put your PDs at ease. I firmly believe there is someone for everyone who wants a relationship. Look for what you want and do aim to get to the First Date. Once you two have met, what matters most – is there in-person attraction and life path alignment – will direct the two of you. Not a database click box attribute.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert
As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd Edition
RELATED DATING ARTICLES
Should You Lie About Your Age in Your Online Dating Profile?
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Sonya Lenzo says
April 15, 2012 at 2:33 PMApril, very good point. I admit I would be hesitant to date someone who was over 40 and never married BUT if they had a good reason for it, as you suggest, ie a long time relationship that did not end in marriage, a highly invloved job, etc…..I would reconsider.
Sonya Lenzo
Lyle R. Johnson says
April 15, 2012 at 3:41 PMAbsolutely … never lie.
Great article and great advice …
Thanks
Lyle
Shane Aric says
April 15, 2012 at 3:54 PMOh NO! you’ve taken all my fun away! Nah just kidding. What a blog you always post the best tips when it comes to singles, relationships, dating, and how to keep it on the up and up! Awesome!
Jc MacKenzie says
April 15, 2012 at 4:20 PMHi April
Reminds me of a quote from an old movie I used to rent:
The mentor advises his student-
“Lie to no one..if you care about them, you’ll ruin it with a lie..and if you don’t care, who are they that you should lie to them?”
That about sums it up?
Be Well.
Jc
April Braswell says
April 15, 2012 at 4:34 PMHi JC,
Thank you and bless you for commenting at my Dating & Relationships blog. Welcome! May I ask you then, what was That Movie?
Happy Dating & Relationships,
April Braswell, CHT, RH
Dr. Wendy Schauer, D.C., R.K.C. says
April 15, 2012 at 5:21 PMApril,
Great helpful tips on how to explain single, never married. I agree to never, ever lie. That just leads to trust issues.
Yours In Health!
Dr. Wendy
Jennifer Battaglino says
April 15, 2012 at 6:08 PMWow, this was a great topic. I can’t imaging a scenario where it would ever be ok to lie or stretch the truth… However I love your approach to allow someone to explain how they got to the place they are now so those reading it may relate.
Jennifer Battaglino
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G.E. Moon II says
April 15, 2012 at 6:13 PMI have a HUGE amount of respect for you, your work, and your website because you promote and try to instill in others honesty.
Yours In Health!
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Bryan says
April 15, 2012 at 6:50 PMI could see how how telling a truth in a situation like that can be difficult. But that’s why I come to your site, to get good advice.
Sales Expert
Cherie Miranda says
April 15, 2012 at 7:29 PMI’m so glad you talk about NOT lying in your internet dating profile. I can imagine that the only outcome of that is negative.
Cherie Miranda
Benefits of Meditation–Just When I Thought I Knew Them All…
Dan says
April 15, 2012 at 7:50 PMgreat strategy re not lying and not being labeled due to a commonly held definition.
Body language of micro expressions says
April 15, 2012 at 9:36 PMApril, this is a great use of stealing the thunder from someone before they can prove a single wrong.
Scott Sylvan Bell
Body language of boyfriends
Now go implement!
Kevin Hogan says
April 15, 2012 at 11:09 PMIt amazes me that people would think about lying to find a date. That never happened 10, 20 years ago.
Mark Hogan
Acquire your goals Today!
Rachel says
April 16, 2012 at 6:58 AMYou make a very good point. The best way to ruin a potential relationship, whether its romantic or platonic, is to lie.
Leadership is a Choice
Margarita says
April 16, 2012 at 4:39 PMApril,
I think “no lies attached” is the best principle for dates. It is like the status on your tax return. Sooner or later it will come up. And there are some serious consequences.
Jc MacKenzie says
April 16, 2012 at 6:41 PMHi April
The movie was “Thief” directed by Michael Mann [ before Miami Vice ] and starred James Cann and Willie Nelson who played the mentor. It has a very distinctive tone [ not to mention soundtrack] and proved to be a movie I was able to rent over and over again.
Be Well
Jc
Lyle R. Johnson says
April 16, 2012 at 6:55 PMYou confirm, again, April, that life is easy … if we just are truthful … yet we go to great lengths to make it difficult by lying.
Regards,
Lyle
Clare Delaney says
April 16, 2012 at 7:32 PMI, too would find it off-putting to see someone of a certain age who had never been married – societal norms coming into play I suppose. That’s great advice on how to get around the “marital status” issue!
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Annie Born says
April 16, 2012 at 10:25 PMHi April,
Love your intregity!
I have friends, some previously married.
What should they say, when their married friends say.
The right one will come along when you stop looking?
Looking forward to tomorrow!
Eva Palmer says
April 17, 2012 at 4:41 AMHi April,
I like your statement about that there is someone for everyone who wants a relationship.
Also, sometimes we forget that we hve to look for at least two basic things in a relationship, attraction and also life path aligment.
Thanks for sharing your knoweledge about online dating.