Dating Coach for Women After 40 Years Old Advises the Single Woman to Stop Texting Men Until the Guy Asks for a First Date
One of the recurring questions I receive from single girls and single women over 37 or 40 or so is how can they get a guy who keeps texting them to segue to a date. Midlife singles who are marriage minded, women in particular, want to devote their time to dating men looking for a life-long love relationship and not a texting buddy.
What’s my expert dating advice? Stop texting with him until he asks you out.
They women email me lengthy stories the guys who have their cell phone number and who start texting with them in the evenings. The guys are doing what is known as “text dating.” They are taking up your time throughout a whole evening, but they have not in anyway taken any masculine risks to put themselves out there with their masculine confidence and asked you on a date. While the Millennial Generation does text each other quite a lot, and you can communicate a great deal of information via your cell phone texting, you cannot truly connect and exchange a conversation via texting. You miss out on the human element. Just as in internet dating, your goal of texting with the guy who has your number was to go on a date, right? You didn’t just randomly agree to give him your phone number, right? He asked you for your number? Or did you just cutely give it to him after chatting at the coffee shop at the public library?
Often the issue of endless texting leading to no-where and no-dates stems from the phone number exchange to begin with. Who asked for the phone number exchange?
The Single Girl Gives the Guy Her Phone Number
It is perfectly cool and 21st century acceptable for girls to give their phone numbers to guys. However, what you say when you cutely hand him your personal card sets the tone for flirtation and a possible date, or not. Smiling and flirting with him at the end of chance meeting and conversation, “Well, it was sure fun to talk with you. I love live baseball games, too. I’d love it if you PHONED me sometime and asked me on a date!” You did not ask him on date. You just told him you were receptive to his overtures. The PUAs and Seduction community guys refer to this as (drum roll please) “The Approach.” Will he approach you later and ask you out? Who knows? The ball is now in his court. You, marvelous you, bop on about through your adventure filled day and go on about your life, meeting other marvelous and wonderful people. And if this darling man phones you, clearly he is a man of forthright action and good taste. He has demonstrated that by deciding and choosing to phone YOU! If this man does not phone you, who knows why? Maybe his cat died, he is busy at work, or actually has a girlfriend and was just enjoying a flirtatious exchange at the library. No strings, not harm, no foul. “Play on!” as we NHL Hockey fans say during Stanley Cup.
The Single Guy Asks For Her Phone Number
Now the situation is both similar and a bit different when it is the single guy who asks the single woman for her phone number. He asks, “Can I get your phone number?” Your response leverages the power of Outcome Based Thinking (OBT) in how you formulate your question. Since the only reason you would give a guy your phone number is to have him ask you out on an actual date, not to text you endlessly, wasting your time, while you and your girlfriends examine his texts and analyze what he must be thinking.
With that, you respond, “Oh that would be fun. What did you have in mind?” You’re going to say something a little stronger in a moment, right now, you are sweetly in a feminine manner queing him up to see how pursuing and interested he is. How does he respond? “Oh, well, I want to talk with you….” or (yes, yes, yes!) “I’m interested in seeing you again.”
Mind you, rarely does the guy under 25 years old unless he is in business for himself already in some way like a lot of blue collar guys are, have the combined self-confidence and forthrightness to say, “I enjoyed talking with you. I want your number so I can ask you on a date.” That would be jackpot gold, wouldn’t it? Just the under 25 year olds, the guys aren’t sufficiently practiced, poised, and polished talking with girls.
By 28 years old, 35, 43, now by then, they have developed this social skills and have a better idea of who they are and are confident and self-assured in who they are.
So, help the fellah out a little here. Your additional response, “Oh, I’d really like that. I felt you wanted to PHONE and ask me out on a date. If that’s the case, I’d gladly give you my number. But not if you’re one of those time wasting guys who just wants to text a girl all the time and never ask her out. You’re not like that, are you?” As you say that last part, squench up and wrinkle your nose and you contort your face into a look of bad tasting food. Your body language facial expression should read, “Yelch!” Utter distaste and contempt. What’s he going to say? “Yes, I’m an idiot like that?” NO! “Oh no, I’d never do that!”
Once you have his agreement of interest and intention, then you agree to give him your phone number. Don’t just bump smart phones and give him your contact information like it is of no value. Getting to contact you is a fabulous thing, afterall!
Practice these exchanges and you won’t even have to deal with the time wasting texters. The only text you’ll get are the ones where he tells you, “Can’t wait 2CU 2nite!” And those are worth receiving!
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Related Text Etiquette Dating Articles:
Dating Expert Tips on Phone and Texting Etiquette for Online Dating
Internet Dating Textetiquette Texting Tip for Singles: HEY Is Not a Message
Dating Tip for Single Women – Stop Texting with Him Until He Asks You on a Date
Lisa McLellan says
April 8, 2010 at 5:04 AMI have a single friend in CA who has had so much trouble with these texting relationships or “text dating.” It often comes back to the same issues even when she does physically date the guy as well. There is no tone, inflexion, or facial expressions in texting and she is forever being taken the wrong way and having text arguments. I’m glad I’m married!
Lisa McLellan
Trisha Chambers says
April 8, 2010 at 7:19 AMI so hate texting! Great post!
Steve Chambers says
April 8, 2010 at 7:32 AMMen and women can be trained easily and like seals. Reward favored behavior and punish any behavior you don’t want. Simple, but people often do the opposite in their relationships.
Steve Chambers
Body Language Expert
Jennifer Battaglino says
April 8, 2010 at 8:35 AMThere are positives to texting…but really we’ve gotten away from the magic that can happen when you are engaged over the phone or in person.
On a different note, perhaps for a future post, I have a few clients right now trying online dating and having a lot of difficulty with the rejection apsect of it. What is the average frequency of response in relation to how many emails you send out?
I figured the best place to start is to ask the expert!
Jen B
The Harwood Group – Tinnitus, Chronic Illness, Fears, and Anxiety
Dale Bell says
April 8, 2010 at 10:27 AMI am not a fan of texting either. I was talking to a young man of about 25 years old and he said that his generation really does not know how to talk to people in person any more they would rather text. If that is the case what is going to happen to our language.
Make Money Gods Way says
April 8, 2010 at 11:14 AMAt a resteraunt, a couple of months ago, I witnessed a young couple on a date. The young lady had her cell phone sitting on the table, and kept texting to others. I felt like talking to the young stud and telling him to walk away from the girl. If he was so uninteresting to her that she’d rather text than to talk face, he was wasting his time.
You don’t have to be a body language expert to figure out what a person’s priority is. If your date’s cell phone comes out at any time you’re on a date, you’re doomed.
Tim Van Milligan, helping you Make Money Online, God’s Way!
Sonya Lenzo says
April 8, 2010 at 11:31 AMI am not a fan of either texting, emailing or phoning too much at the beginning of a relationship. It is not the same as really getting to know someone. Yes, you can garner a few facts, but it is not the same as bonding! So find out fast if you are going to meet and if there is any chemistry(yes, ROMANCE) going to happen, and if not, then it is …NEXT!
Sonya M Lenzo
Peggy Larson says
April 8, 2010 at 4:28 PMBoth my girls do that texting stuff nearly constantly. I especially dislike it when they are supposed to conversing in person with me! Or with anyone for that matter. They call me “telephonically challenged” and say that’s why I dislike texting so much. Not true, though I just think it’s rude and disrespectful.
Peggy Larson
Mark says
April 8, 2010 at 5:39 PMMy favorite is the virtual double date… there they are guy and gal sitting that the booth… each with their cell phones out… texting someone else!
Mark
Direct Selling Advice, Tips, Skills & Techniques
Robert Kaufer says
April 8, 2010 at 5:47 PMI have been out of the loop, I had never heard of text dating, cheaper than dinner and a movie though.
Bob
Bryan says
April 8, 2010 at 8:03 PMIt seems people now use texting as a way to avoid the conversation. I used to do that often when I was single a few years ago.
Eileen O'Neill says
April 9, 2010 at 4:11 AMGreat advice!
However, what I see a lot of – is a couple out on a date and each of them talking on their cell phone or texting someone else! The message they give out to others is that they would both rather be somewhere else!
Social media is important – but so are the moments when we are face to face with another human! I think we should give them our undivided attention. What do you think?
Eileen
Michelle Mason says
April 9, 2010 at 7:47 AMTexting has a place, up to a point. I think for younger people these days (under 25’s), texting is the equivalent of Internet dating for those a bit older. You can email back and forth to learn the basics, but at some point, you have to meet!
Texting other people when talking to someone else is rude. If it happens more than once, or the person texting doesn’t include me in the “conversation”, I politely ask if they could stop while we are talking. You wouldn’t talk on the phone to someone else while on a date, would you?
Michelle
Sabrina Peterson says
April 10, 2010 at 8:38 AMTexting is so convenient but I would not be willing to spend the evening on a text date. Men in my past dating life knew I was busy and if I wasn’t busy with work or children then I was busy on a date. I usually wasn’t available for at least a week or more.
I should email you and tell you about something so arrogant I once did for a few months. You’ll get a kick out of it!
Sabrina Peterson, NASM CPT, CES
Fat Burning Home Workouts
Scott Sylvan Bell says
April 10, 2010 at 10:14 AMThere is a fine line between building up to know a person and wasting a bunch of time talking back and forth. For me texting reveals a whole bunch about a person, do they spell correctly, abbreviations aside. How long does it take them to get back to me, I have been known for being to forward and saying what I think. Texting allows me to slow down and remember not everyone jumps when they get to the edge. This also allows to girl to be more comfortable before they meet with me again. Great article by the way
Scott Sylvan Bell
http://www.scottbellconsultant.com
Now go implement!
Shane Kester says
April 10, 2010 at 12:40 PMThis sounds like a premise for a sci-fi movie about how a once advanced culture fell because technology dumbed them down to the point of extinction. In my day we used to have to walk up hill (both ways) in the snow to ask a girl out on an actual date.
My wife and I spoke at a singles group once about dating because the new trends and cultural changes have blurred the roles of men and women to the point that no one knows what their part is anymore. “Hanging out” without real dating is making things very difficult for the “social network generation” to learn real social skills. We thought it was mostly an American thing but we found that the confusion has swept across Europe as well. Thank goodness for April’s help!
Shane Kester
David Escalante says
April 10, 2010 at 9:11 PMYou always have amazing advice April 🙂
David Escalante
Bay Area Roofing San Francisco CA
Hui Hui says
April 11, 2010 at 6:38 AMI think perhaps it is a little bit different for asian people?
I found that asian people do a lot of text flirting.Maybe is the cultural differences…
Not too sure…What do you think?
Hui Hui
http://chiahuihui.com/
Keri Eagan says
April 12, 2010 at 12:30 PMLOL so true! I absolutely hate having my phone fill up with pointless texts. Even a couple a day gets annoying. Obviously we must establish that this is unacceptable right from the beginning….thanks April.
K.
Suzie says
April 13, 2010 at 6:02 AMHi April, great dating article – thanks for sharing such a useful resource for singles.
Keep going on.