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Expert Dating Tip – Before You Aim for Love, Heal Your Heart

Greetings from fabulous Las Vegas.  Vegas really is a great town.  I’ve been splitting my time between Las Vegas and Orange County.  Oddly enough for this time of year in Orange County we actually had rain the other day.  I refer to this as God washing my car for me.

While here, this evening I shared a marvelous glass of red wine at The Venetian with a girlfriend who is married and we talking about love and romantic relationships as well as, of course, business.

One of the themes of Love that kept surfacing was the idea of attraction at the Soul level, and the people who enter, exit, and often re-enter our lives.

Those former girlfriends and boyfriends from our past and often our early 20s or so with whom we stayed in touch all these years.  The ones who became real lasting friends who love and care about us.  Often it just feels like our souls are aligned and we care about each other.  However, we are not each others’ Soul Mate.

And that got us talking.  Often those former loves, well, we felt some grief on some level.  Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to any kind of loss.  It need not be precipitated by the physical death of someone.  We often have feelings of grief over the ending of a  romantic relationship.  Each time we open our heart and give a piece of our heart, we open ourselves to real and lasting love.  We make ourselves vulnerable.  Additionally, when that relationship ends or changes from romance to a Platonically caring relationship, we experience a loss.  The loss of what was hoped for as well as the loss of what actually was.

Each time we have those loss events and we feel grief but do not complete the Grief, we add to our emotional baggage.  Now, mind you, a little baggage over the course of a lifetime is part of what makes each of us an interesting, attractive and captivating person.  However, over time, the baggage can become a few steamer trunks versus a roller cart carry on.  It’s not just the airlines who want to limit us to two pieces of baggage.  Each unrepaired grief event also build a barrier across our heart and our being and expressing our most genuine self.

When we want to find and attract lasting love, we do so from our heart and our soul expression.  The more we have layers of emotional scar tissue over our heart, the less we are able to attract and find that kind of lasting love which we crave and deserve.  We do ourselves and our potential loved one a disservice not to address that emotional heart scar tissue.  We best serve ourselves and our loved ones when we do learn and practice the Grief completion steps when romantic relationships end.

Moving On: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life

Happy Dating and Relationships,

April Braswell
Dating and Relationship Expert

{ 12 comments… add one }
  • Emily June 11, 2010, 2:11 AM

    Hi April, great relationship advice. I’ve recently started a blog myself and the dating and relationship the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

  • Peggy Larson June 11, 2010, 5:30 PM

    Excellent advice April! Not allowing yourself (or in some cases, not forcing yourself) to go through the complete grief process over a loss can wreak havoc for future relationship building. Sometimes it can keep you locked away emotionally and you may miss opportunities for other great relationships.

    Peggy Larson

  • Michael D Walker June 13, 2010, 2:38 AM

    Excellent point about how we sometimes carry around baggage unknowingly from past relationships that we never took time to grive and acknowledge the ending of the relationship.


    The Success Secrets

  • Brandie June 13, 2010, 4:10 PM

    It is the second entry I read tonight on dating and relationship advice. Thank you April

  • Lisa M McLellan June 14, 2010, 9:03 AM

    Thank you for this information. I need to pass this on to my friend. I liked your comment about baggage being “a few steamer trunks versus a roller cart carry on.” Great analogy. That baggage gets heavy after a while. I had never heard of grief completion steps before finding your website. You cover everything!

    Lisa McLellan
    Babysitting Services, Nanny Services, and Nanny agencies

  • Mollie June 15, 2010, 4:13 AM

    How much time do you find it takes to actuallly heal your heart after a romantic break up, April?

  • Hannah June 16, 2010, 4:59 AM

    Healing your heart is so important

  • Kathie June 20, 2010, 3:53 PM

    Here’s to your great dating tips, April . I’ve had good luck with.

  • Gwennie June 21, 2010, 3:49 AM

    Dating to heal my heart first before aiming for love, makes sense

  • Hezron Joseph June 22, 2010, 7:13 PM

    Dating to heal does make sense, but I have experienced women who say “umm I’m great but I’m not over my ex”. What it means to me is “another excuse”. It may seem sincere but most women like to use that card….

  • KATHLEEN Munoz June 23, 2010, 9:58 PM

    I had got a desire to start dating and find a mate. Your advice sounds like it will really help me realized my desire, April. Thank you.

  • Spence August 19, 2010, 6:41 PM

    Hi April, I hadn’t thought of dating that way, but it’s true. most need to heal a heart first. – ST

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