Grief Recovery and Divorce Recovery - Russell Friedman with April Braswell
To start out my series for Boomer Dating this week, I want to touch on what is a so common characteristic of Boomer Singles. Often the over 40, over 50, and over 60 single is either divorced or has lost a spouse to death. Where does the grief from those loss events go?
It was a particularly wonderful Easter and an intriguing group we made. Without revealing anything private about OTHER people’s lives, suffice to say, turned out we had 2 widowers and 1 widow (me) in the group. In addition, Divorced singles.
Yes, the conversation turned to talking about our losses and the naturally occurring mix of emotions called Grief. The most important thing to do was First in my behavior to dispel the Grief Myth of DON’T FEEL BAD. When a griever starts to speak of any of the events related to the loss events like DIVORCE or DEATH, one of the best things we can do for them is to LISTEN and AFFIRM the emotions. Refrain from analytical assessments which in a manner expresses to them, “You are wrong to be FEELING… bad.” Since GriefRecover® is about completing the EMOTIONS related to loss events, mirror and affirm the emotions. “Oh, ouch [hand over heart], what happened?” Then listen.
A lot of the work around Grief out there is about spiraling and spiraling with the emotional statements. Well-meaning people recommend “let go.” Which sounds like a wonderful statement indeed, but then HOW DO YOU LET GO? How do you complete the spinning mix of emotions from a Divorce?
The GriefRecovery® process is unique in that it provides clear concrete ACTION STEPS for completing the emotions.
Recently I heard one man utter the statement, “It’s been 5 years and I find I can’t move on.” How could he? The emotions are still there because he didn’t have the tools with which to complete the emotions, the grief from Divorce and Death.
Now that my business is in Las Vegas, I will start offering Divorce Recover and GriefRecovery® Workshops in Las Vegas and Henderson. Each year there are over 8 million new grievers from death events alone. The cumulative effect of unresolved grief is a mess and unfulfilled, unlived lives.
The best way to reach me for participating in the workshop series is by email: AprilJBraswell(AT)aol.com.
Yes, there IS work involved. However, whose life is it? Live it and allow yourself to complete the emotions so you can genuinely love again.
Best regards,
April Braswell
Divorce Recovery and Grief
Recovery® Specialist
20 Comments
Hi April,
Powerful post on those feelings that exist out there that an awful lot of people have themselves or know others who are going through!
Being able to go through and come out the other side is something that i know was a hard thing for me to deal with with my father and having someone like yourself to turn to would have been an awful lot easier
Duane
Learn Winning Persuasion
Techniques that Work Like Magic by Tapping Into the Psychology of
the Mind with Persuasion Expert Duane Cunningham!
A very good post. I have a dear friend who just can’t seem to move on from divorce 2 years ago. I will recommend the book to her.
Christian
PS – The look of your site jsut keeps getting better.
Wow what a great opportunity for you and those you work with. Also what great synergy with your dating business.
Congrats, I know you will help many.
Bob Kaufer
If you MOVE like the Tin Man, you will THINK like the Scarecrow and FEEL like the Lion
Listening is a great skill & virtue always welcomed.
Non-judgemental, accepting and soothing.
From whom we can learn better other than you April, having endured 7 deaths in 6 years !
God Bless You for Your Kind Heart!
John Ho
Understanding Personalities for Better Influence & Persuasion (WordPress)
Understanding Personalities for Better Influence & Persuasion (Vox Blog)
I know a lot of people will find hope and comfort in your words and your work with GriefRecovery.
Keep spreading the love!
JJ Jalopy
Life Coaching and Home Business Advice with JJ Jalopy
Ok, April, I ordered the book!Will write more after I have read it!
SunnyMarie
http://www.sunnymarie.wordpress.com
April,
A very wise and powerful post. To be empathetic and not tell the other person how they should feel is important.
This is a great service.
Lynn Lane
http://www.Warriorofsuccess.com
Hi April
Great post and great work that you are doing. People’s emotions, when perceived to be negative or unwanted seemed to get swept under the rug in an effort to get the person to move on. Sometimes it’s just uncomfortable for the support person to hear. Either way the person who is grieving gets stuck just as you described.
This is related to tinnitus too in that i just had a client tell me that everytime he “vents” about how he is feeling with his tinnitus, his wife tells him to “not be so negative” and talk about something else. Just as you explained, he is entitled to his feelings.
You are a wonderful support and asset for everyone in your group.
Jen B
The Harwood Center – Tinnitus, Chronic Illness, Fers, Phobias, and Anxiety
I read the The Grief Recovery Handbook several years ago. The practical step-by-step approach really helped me put the past behind me and move forward.
I can easily imagine the immense benefits of going through the process with the assistance of a coach. This is sadly a much needed service, I am glad to read you will soon be offering it.
All the best,
Yann
Dealing with grief is unfortunately something we all must deal with form time to time in our lives. It’s great to know that there are resources out there to help us when we need it. Grief can be crippling if not taken care of properly.
Steve
April, will be recomending this information to a good friend of mine. She is struggling with loss and i think this will help.
Don Shepherd
oregon or bust
April,
I know you will be great at this part of your coaching repertoire…
I wish you great success and I’m glad you have found a new hoem in Nevada.
Seize the Day,
Rob
Sales Eagles Soar Above the Competition!
Personal Asset Protection For Small Business Owners
Wow. Yes, grief is something that many struggle with. It is good to know there are services out there that can help with the grieving process.
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Who better to deal with the topics of divorce and widow(er)hood and recovery than someone who has experienced the loss. I will remember to listen when needed.
-Pat
Business Owners Fast Track to Internet Profits
A great post, valuable information. How much better would someone move on and deal with if they knew how to constructively.
Thanks
JC jc
I was speaking to someone recently who was a grief counsellor. She was saying how important it is for people to carry on with their routines, rather than to create new ones around the grief, which only serve to reinforce the profound unhappiness they feel. Would you agree?
Philip
Consumer Behaviour Expert
Not to be unkind, but no, not at all.
Because it’s about the frame of the response.
Essentially her advise is another way of saying, “DON’T FEEL BAD.” When in actuality, Grief is the normal and natural response to loss. It’s like being told, don’t feel that way. Which is another way of saying, you’re bad or wrong to feel that way.
What is therapeutic is The actions around GRIEF, first and foremost need to be about how to COMPLETE the Grief. Certainly, just swirling and ONLY venting about the grief just reinforce the spiral. On one hand there needs to be permission to feel the grief and say it out loud. THEN to take actions (The Grief Recovery Institute’s process is for completing the emotions.) to complete it.
GRI is opening a branch in the UK as I understand it. Once they do, I’m sure the completion process will spread there as it has been here. Like Yann having found the book. Excellent.
Best regards,
April Braswell
April,
This really touched me:
“When a griever starts to speak of any of the events related to the loss events like DIVORCE or DEATH, one of the best things we can do for them is to LISTEN and AFFIRM the emotions. Refrain from analytical assessments which in a manner expresses to them, “You are wrong to be FEELING… bad.” Since GriefRecover® is about completing the EMOTIONS related to loss events, mirror and affirm the emotions. “Oh, ouch [hand over heart], what happened?” Then listen.”
I wonder if people are quick to shut down others who want/need to emote because they are uncomfortable with their own feelings of loss and it’s too painful for them to open up these wounds.
You seem to have quite a gift for helping others through their grief – a gift, it seems, born out of much personal pain and discovery. I’m sure your seminars would be very therapeutic for people who long for healing after experiencing a loss.
Pam
Great Minds, Great Wealth: How to Raise your Return, Reduce your Risk, Cut your Cost
Wish I had been there for sure!!!
Expert in Medical Hypnosis, Success Thinking and Practical Parenting
David Power’s Hour
Hey JP,
thanks for the kudos.
I just changed my Feedburn for RSS Subscribing. You can do so now from the Upper Right Hand Corner at my blog.
Looking forward to your future comments here and tying dating in with weight loss.
Best regards,
April